Taking the name

Lux23

Double Barrell

No way. Taking a man's name harks back to the days when marriage was nothing but a financial transaction. I would never get married in church either, it would have to be a civil ceremony or better still a civil partnership rather than a marriage if they ever come into legislation. But thats how I feel about it, I wouldn't look down on someone who wanted to take their husband's name.

watna

No

Yup, I'll take the other halfs name when we get married. I think it would make things easier for kids etc and you're going to get called Mrs (insert bfs surname here) a lot anyway. I'd be too lazy to keep two surnames so would just change everything over. I asked my bf about it before and he said he couldn't care less either way. It thought he would, but he says it doesn't bother him at all. My surname is actually nicer then his but that's not why you change it!

My mum uses her married name (my surname) only. She hated her maiden name and couldn't wait to change it! When my parents got married they were going to move to the states straight after so my mum had a new passport with her new surname in it. The priest took it off her and refused to give it back until after the ceremony, in case she preteneded to be married!

WindSock

No

Pigman II wrote: »

But no the popular answer is "ugh, it doesn't go with my forename" like it was some sort of fashion accessory?

Spas the lot of ye concerned. Ya might as get back in the kitchen and wait for your perfect man “Mr. Bint” to appear in your life. I strongly encourage you to take his name btw.

Off ye go now.

Oryx

No

Im married, I took my hbs name. I didnt see any good reason not to. If your name is tied to your career, that would be a reason but for me it was a non issue. I dont see it as losing my identity. Its just a name. One name on us as a couple and our kids does make life a lot simpler, for passports, schools, even for friends sending us invitations.
If youre not going to unite as a family under the one name, sure why not stay single?
And double barrells are so pretentious. What happens if your daughter with a double barrell name marries a guy with a double barrell name? Does she become Mrs Smith-Jones-Murphy-Ahern or something?

Lux23

Double Barrell

KtK wrote: »

Im married, I took my hbs name. I didnt see any good reason not to. If your name is tied to your career, that would be a reason but for me it was a non issue. I dont see it as losing my identity. Its just a name. One name on us as a couple and our kids does make life a lot simpler, for passports, schools, even for friends sending us invitations.
If youre not going to unite as a family under the one name, sure why not stay single?
And double barrells are so pretentious. What happens if your daughter with a double barrell name marries a guy with a double barrell name? Does she become Mrs Smith-Jones-Murphy-Ahern or something?

The portugese all have double barrell names and they have a very simple solution. They just take one name from their dad and one from their mum, its better then everything going down the male line like here.

I think I would prefer to stay single but legally there is no decent protection is your partner dies etc which makes marriage more attractive. Its the only think that makes marriage attractive to me.

LadyJ

If you are Ms Smith and you marry Mr Jones but don't take his name are you then Mrs. Smith? I've often wondered.

Cathmandooo

No

LadyJ wrote: »

If you are Ms Smith and you marry Mr Jones but don't take his name are you then Mrs. Smith? I've often wondered.

yeah I've wondered that too.

While single are you not Miss Smith, is Ms Smith, pronounced mizz, not mean you're married with your own name? I dunno, it's a ll a bit confusing!

LadyJ

Cathooo wrote: »

yeah I've wondered that too.

While single are you not Miss Smith, is Ms Smith, pronounced mizz, not mean you're married with your own name? I dunno, it's a ll a bit confusing!

Ms(mizz) is just used so that people don't know whether you're married or not.
AFAIK anyway. Men only have Mr so women have Ms to make it even.

rainbow kirby

Double Barrell

Not a chance in hell I'll take my future partner's name. It feels very outdated, and feels too much like submission for its own good.

WindSock

No

I suppose if you call your self Mrs Maidenname, people would automatically assume your husband would then be Mr Maidenname too. I wonder if there are many guys out there who take the womans name?

Also, do any of you use Ms? I do because it's easier to write and no-ones business about my marital status.

LadyJ

WindSock wrote: »

Also, do any of you use Ms? I do because it's easier to write and no-ones business about my marital status.

I always do. My mother always told me to use it from a very young age.
I'd almost be offended by Miss....Well not really but I don't like it.

watna

No

WindSock wrote: »

I suppose if you call your self Mrs Maidenname, people would automatically assume your husband would then be Mr Maidenname too. I wonder if there are many guys out there who take the womans name?

Also, do any of you use Ms? I do because it's easier to write and no-ones business about my marital status.

I'm actually not a fan of Ms, it makes me feel old ladyish and spinsterish, even though I'm neither!

I have heard of someone taking their wife's name. I think it's a friend of a friend. She was the last person in her family with her surname and sisn't want it to die out. Her husband had a few brothers so didn't mind taking her name. He was well trained anyway!

prospect

I feel sorry for children who are forced to take both parents names, also what happens further down the generations?

When John Murphy-Doyle Marries Jane Dunphy-Flynn?
Will they have a baby called Jack Murphy-Doyle-Dunphy-Flynn........

Lux23

Double Barrell

prospect wrote: »

I feel sorry for children who are forced to take both parents names, also what happens further down the generations?

When John Murphy-Doyle Marries Jane Dunphy-Flynn?
Will they have a baby called Jack Murphy-Doyle-Dunphy-Flynn........

I posted earlier about what people do in that situation.

I always stick with Miss but alot of older women complain when I use that because so many fought so hard to be able to use Ms. I suppose our generation hate to be tainted with the feminist stereotype of old which is sad because its moved on alot since the 70s. You can even shave your legs now.

ztoical

Double Barrell

WindSock wrote: »

I wonder if there are many guys out there who take the womans name?

There's an interesting thread on the PI forum about a guy freaking cus he found out his gf was going to propose to him. Would be interested to see a poll here on wither anyone woman here would considered doing that.

watna

No

ztoical wrote: »

There's an interesting thread on the PI forum about a guy freaking cus he found out his gf was going to propose to him. Would be interested to see a poll here on wither anyone woman here would considered doing that.

I would. My bf is extremely laid back. We know we'll more than likely get married one day. I just know he might not get around to it, even though he wants to! He'd probably like me to, now that I think about it!

Crumble Froo

No

haha, the seed has been planted

i duno, it's something me and my b/f have talked about... largely on the issue of visas. i wouldnt do it though. largely cos im chicken.

Jesus Wept

Double Barreled names are retarded.

Don't make your child sound like a law firm.


That is all.

WindSock

No

The-Rigger wrote: »

Double Barreled names are retarded.

Don't make your child sound like a law firm.


That is all.

Reminds me also of...

''Hi I'm from Corless, Corless and Sweeney''

Father Dougal " who are they? The Vacuum people?"

Jesus Wept

WindSock wrote: »

Reminds me also of...

''Hi I'm from Corless, Corless and Sweeney''

Father Dougal " who are they? The Vacuum people?"

Look, you're a lovely lovely girl but...

Lizzykins

I took hubby's name when we married nearly 20 years ago. Some people even then kept their own names. I gave up work when kids came along and was dependent financially on my hubby for a few years. My reasoning is if you are independent enough to keep your own name then you should be independent financially too. You can't take everything from your husband and reject his name. That's purely my personal reasoning and I don't mind what anyone else does. My hubby incidentally thinks it's a shame that women give up their name so even he doesn't agree with me!

Lizzykins

Double Barrell

Lizzykins wrote: »

. My reasoning is if you are independent enough to keep your own name then you should be independent financially too. You can't take everything from your husband and reject his name.

Marriage is about teamwork, doing the non for profit stuff is just as important as bring home the bacon.
I also feel it makes alot more sense that the person who pushed the little poppets out through their whoha, gets first dibs on claiming them for the family line.

spinandscribble

Pigman II wrote: »

I was hoping the naysayer's to this question would cite women’s independence, social equality or the antiquated nature of marriage (among others) as potential reasons for your reticence.

But no the popular answer is "ugh, it doesn't go with my forename" like it was some sort of fashion accessory?

Spas the lot of ye concerned. Ya might as get back in the kitchen and wait for your perfect man “Mr. Bint” to appear in your life. I strongly encourage you to take his name btw.

(Oh and as an addition, all of the above applies also to anyone who said they would take the name because it would be an improvement on their own name. You're just as bad, if not worse.)

personally i think the worst type of feminists are like this... so what if we prefer his name? i'd kept my own if i didnt like his. womens rights has been won regarding name changing and i for one will exercise thaT RIGHT WHATEVER WAY I'L CHOOSE.

LittleGoblin

Double Barrell

I am definitely keeping my own name. I have had this name all my life, it has served me well, and still seems to work fine, its *my* name, so why would I want to change it?

I always felt sorry for my mother when she got letters addressed to Mrs James X [insert father's surname]. If that happened to me, I think I would feel like I had vanished.

And children? Well, I have no problem if they have my husband’s last name. Can't see it making any difference really.

I am Ms...... I was a Miss until around 17? And teachers at school always rebuked us using phases like, 'Excuse me, Miss X, but would you mind paying attention?' So I find it rather patronising.

And clearly, I am not a spinster. I do not spend my time spinning, carding, and weaving wool. I might knit occasionally, but never tried spinning. So I could not possibly be described as a spinster.

beanyb

Double Barrell

On the how other people refer to you thing - my mum gets a strange mix of names from people that really spell out their attitude. One of my aunts (my dad's sister) is really uptight, and always sends Christmas cards and all that to Mr and Mrs X. Even though she's known for the last 30 years that my mum kept her own name.

Also, a lot of my mum's friends are the same. Despite being completely aware that my mum kept her name, they'll constantly refer to her as Mrs. X instead of Ms Y. Even if they knew her before she got married. It's so odd. Personally, if I get married and keep my own name, I'd be really put out if people did that to me and it would really change my opinion of them. Maybe that's judgemental of me, but it's my name, I'll do what I want!

I had a friend who I always got on with very well and then one day we randomly started talking about name changing. He was so against women keeping their own name. He basically acted as if women were lucky to find a man that would marry them and that they should never even consider keeping their own identity. It was a real eye opener. I'll still have a laugh with the guy, but I'll always remember that he has a really strange attitude to women. He also said some other really conservative things too, that affected the opinion I have of him, but that's not relevant. Just that it wasnt just the name thing that changed my opinion of him, it was just part of it.

Kazobel

If civil partnership's came in and if I was to marry someone (both very big if's) I'd keep my own name, it took me long enough to choose it and I really like it and it's about the fifth name I've gone through in the last 20 years so I'm not f*cking changing it again :D

Pyjamarama

Lizzykins wrote: »

I took hubby's name when we married nearly 20 years ago. Some people even then kept their own names. I gave up work when kids came along and was dependent financially on my hubby for a few years. My reasoning is if you are independent enough to keep your own name then you should be independent financially too. You can't take everything from your husband and reject his name.

Er and what did you do whilst you were 'dependent financially' - looking after your children full time - jesus it's not lke you were twiddling your thumbs, racking up his credit card bills! You are not taking anything from him as if you are a family unit then what's his is yours and vice versa! If your husband decided to be a house-husband would you expect him to take your name???!

My boyfriend is a bit of a traditionalist and would love me to take his name. I however believe, as people have said that women have fought so we have the right to keep our name. It is part of your identity and I don't see how you could throw it away because his surname is nicer!!

Personally I would do the double barrell thing purely to make it easier for paperwork, schools, banks etc. I don't think it's pretentious as I think people have every right to keep their family name, also makes sense regarding business. I wouldn't however curse my children with double barrel names (that's just cruel!) so they would have the hubby's to keep things simple.

echosound

No

I'm married and I took my husbands name for most things ( didn't change it yet on the driving licence as will wait for it to expire and then renew it in married name). It was easier for me to change over in some respects, as I started a new job after I came back from honeymoon, and therefore didn't have the problem of changing over existing e-mail addresses and business cards and having clients confused with the different surname etc., I could just start from scratch workwise.

Personally speaking it doesn't really bother me either way, I don't see how a "name" carries your identity, I am the same person whether I am ms x or mrs y, and I don't get stroppy when people who would have known me before I got married refer to me as *firstname - maiden surname", as I answer to both maiden and married surname. I did not go double barrelled, however, as I did feel like it sounded a little pretentious, especially as his name is a very common one in the locality.

The main reason I took my husband's name was I wanted to mark us out as our own family unit, IYKWIM. We want to have kids and I'd personally prefer if we all had the same surname, just makes things handier in terms of dealing with official stuff or schools etc.
It wasn't some sense of tradition, we had a civil ceremony not a religious one, it was just a personal choice that we wanted to be known as a husband and wife.

We did discuss whether I should change my name, or he change his - either way we wanted the same surname - but I decided I'd prefer to take his name as I felt his family welcomed me with open arms, and felt happy about being known by their surname.

Oh and I do tend to use Mrs instead of Ms in most situations; this might sound odd but I find that once I sign or say "mrs x" people tend to treat you with a tiny bit more deference (eg in shops, banks, hospitals etc).

However....that's just my own personal experience,though, and I think a lot of that is down to my appearance, I look younger than I am and have facial piercings and I think people suddenly think "oh so she's not some broke student with no money, she's a married woman, better be a little bit more polite as she might have wads of cash to spend on her hubby's credit card". Not that I do, BTW, more's the pity

b3t4

Double Barrell

Interesting topic.

Where I stand on this is
1) I will not take his name. I'm a little attached to mine, ya see. Also, I can't see any reason to take his name. The OH isn't quite sure about this one (I think he secretly believes that when the time comes I will change my mind).
2) Our children will take his name. I just feel that double baralled has the potential to get messy for the kids if they were to get married. They could easily take my name but I would like them to have their Dad's name as a gesture to him as well as keeping some tradition.
3) I only refer to myself as Ms. I hate Miss or Mrs. I really don't feel that anyone needs to know my marital status. Ms is becoming very much used nowadays esp. in the media. I actually can't remember the last time I've read anyone referred too as Miss or Mrs in the papers.
4) Also, I don't want to get married in a religious ceremony. It would be highly hypocritical of me to do so.

Eventhough I feel quite strongly about the above I haven't a problem what other people choose to do. It's their name and therefore none of my business.

A

Pyjamarama

b3t4 wrote: »

Interesting topic.
4) Also, I don't want to get married in a religious ceremony. It would be highly hypocritical of me to do so.

I agree with this, I would think myself such a hypocrite! However it means a lot to the OH, he pictures a fairytale church wedding. He's not particularly religious he just thinks it would be more special. The decision is a long way down the road but either way I know neither of us will be happy, either me giving up my principals or him not having the wedding he wants!

Have other people been in this situation? I do agree with him that the registry office thing that's over in 3 minutes is pretty clinical but maybe with the new legislation on venues there will be more options.