Tech Support PLease

rocky25

1). Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer "No."

Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

---

2). A guy rings tech support to report that
his computer is faulty.

Tech: What's the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

Tech: You'll need a new power supply.

User: No, I don't! I just need to change the start-up files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the start-up
and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the
command.

10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech
is frustrated and fed up.

Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there
is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.

User: I knew it!

Tech: Just add the line LOAD <http://nosmoke.com/&gt; NOSMOKE.COM at the
end of the CONFIG.SYS.

Let me know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.

Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User: MS-DOS 6.22.

Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with
NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you
the file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User: I need a new power supply.

Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?

User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he
started asking questions about the make of power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

---

3) Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still
getting the same error message."

Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"

Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

---

4).Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."

Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."

Customer: "I typed 'A: \SETUP'."

Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."

Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."

Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."

Customer: "What?"

Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"

Customer: "No..."

---

5).Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"

Tech Support::?!%#$

---

6).Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,
can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

---

7) Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?"

Customer: "A white one."

---

8)... Tech Support: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."

Customer: "How do you spell that?"

---

9). Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"

Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery
store."

---

10). Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?"

Customer: "Pentium."

---

11). Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal
abortion."

---

12).Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."

---

13).Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"

---

14). Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to
print document, but the computer won't boot properly."

Tech Support: "What does it say?"

Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."

Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

---

15). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open
24 hours."

Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

---

16). Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?"

Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech Support: "Well?"

Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"

---

17) CCO: I need product identification no: right now
and may I help you in finding it out?

Cust: sure

CCO: could you left click on start and did you find 'My Computer'?

Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

5times

I enjoyed those.

This post has been deleted.

RoyalMarine

5:45am and im in stiches at work!
best thing after a night shift.

excellent !!

User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

bill_ashmount

lol :d

jameshayes

The worst thing is they are more than likley true

the_syco

Going to forward these onto myself at work, as I can't read the black print against the black background: it hurts my eyes.

feylya

This happened to a mate of mine:

Mate: OK, I need you to go to my computer
Customer: Ok. Where are you based?
Mate: I'm in Ireland
Customer: So how do I get to your computer? I'm in Australia.

LovelyTom

haha some of these made me lol

threebeards

I nearly p1ssed myself