Advice please about wedding/friend issues.. Sorry - long.

TheB

My oldest BFF - N - got engaged on NYE to her long term OH.. . (yay! we can do wedding stuff together - I am allegedly getting hitched this year too..)

She is thrilled. I am thrilled. Her family and his family are thrilled. So all great.

Except one of the people she rates highly - another friend X. N , X and I have been friends forever - 17years in fact. We have all needed each other and been there for each other in the absence of family support (not in a bad way - distance was mostly the cause.. ) over the years and are very close.. We are basically each others family.

N called to tell X of engagement, then texted then finally emailed. Not a peep in return. (we know she is at work/has her phone) No congrats, no anything. N has taken this quite badly. She is not ranting or anything but is very hurt.

Now I am going to go up to Dublin next Sat for a long celebratory lunch with N and X.. I am going to contact X about the lunch but tread lightly as to why she is acting this (I have a fair idea why .. to do with her not having found Mr Right yet .. a subject she is hard to draw on and quite defensive about).. The idea being that we can resolve it all then (hopefully) celebrate over lunch..

Basically we have all reached our early 30's. I have been with my OH for about 10 years. We got to the ring stage 18mnths ago.. N has been with her OH for about 5 years. X is (her own admission) a player and commitmentphobe.. To simplify - X is Sam to our Carrie & Charlotte.. (we have a Miranda too - but she is in the US atm - and will be for the next year or so...)


She has always said she doesn't feel coupled out as neither N nor I are SmugMarrieds! We are not very couply.. we all go out regularly. All has been fine - until now. Her last BF lasted quite long - about 3 months - but when they split up (her choice - he was not ambitious enough apparently) she was a bit sad (not usual) .. and mentioned about maybe liking to find someone.. I think she maybe having a wobble about the only one left thats single (J - the Miranda - is and has been living with her GF for about 9 years now - they are in the states getting pregnant atm)


So.. after all that rambling.. where in Dublin is a good - medium-ly priced - lunch venue in the city ? Looking for somewhere we can be relatively undisturbed for a couple (several!) hours.. where we can get decent wine (with any luck cocktails!) and decent champagne ..

And .. more importantly.. any hints how to deal with X's possible issues about N getting hitched ? How to broach the subject without her getting all defensive or causing a row ? (I am not good at this bit - crap at subtlety - this is usually N's forte)

Oh wise Ladies of the LL - please direct me in my quest to pour oil on troubled waters! (and alcohol and fine food into myself !)

Yours in anticipation,

TheBx

Eppie

Hmm I don't know about all the wedding stuff, but Saba's a LOVELY place for girlie chats and....it has dessert cocktails which are yum.

Miss Fluff

Saba is a great idea, nice environment but just make sure what time you can stay there until, they are really OTT when it comes to "seating times".:mad:

Trocadero is FABULOUS as well dahling. Great atmosphere and amazing food.

Quality

To be honest with you, x needs to cop on to herself and grow up. What does she expect the two of youse not to get married or not to have a life because she is single/?

True friends are supportive of everything....

Dont feel you should have to thread on eggshells. It is one of the most exciting times of your life and you should be enjoying it and not worrying about upsetting your friend.

tallaght01

Quality wrote: »

To be honest with you, x needs to cop on to herself and grow up. What does she expect the two of youse not to get married or not to have a life because she is single/?

True friends are supportive of everything....

Dont feel you should have to thread on eggshells. It is one of the most exciting times of your life and you should be enjoying it and not worrying about upsetting your friend.

I don't neccesarily think "X" needs to "cop herself on".

People get sad and lonely all the time. Some talk about it, others don't. Some take it out on those who are happy, some don't. Most people don't mean to be bad, they just may not be coping well.

If you've been mates for 17 years, you can't just tell her to cop on. The issue is likely to be more complex than that. You know your mate better than we do. You know how to talk to her. So do just that. Be her mate, like you've always been.

There's nothing you're going to be able to say that is suddenly going to make her happy about being the only single one left. But clearing the air is always the best policy, even if nothing is neccesarily solved.


These things can get quite teary and emotional though, so might be a good idea for planning the lunch in the packed restaurant AFTER you've cleared the air. Mebbe go for a walk in the park or something before lunch if you're going to broach the subject?

I've been in a few situations where I've had to deal with upset people in a public place, and it's very embarrassing for them, with other punters, and waiting staff hovering. And if a row breaks out....morto

Hope all goes well though. I'm sure you'll sort it out.

fits

Enoteca della Langhe is a nice place to hang out for an afternoon. They dont serve meals, but have lovely Italian wine (I'm sure they have prosecco) and meat and cheese plates. Its very close to the 'north side' of the millenium bridge, about half way up blooms lane.

I used to have a similar issue with my sister. She used to clog up everytime relationship questions would come up, and I think she was really quite depressed about it. She's getting married in February now, so hopefully it will all be happy ever after.

I dont think girls do themselves any favours when they start thinking/behaving like that, but I suppose you cant help how you feel.

How Strange

I agree with Tallaght01, your friend, X, may be feeling a little down about the situation. It doesn't excuse her bad manners for not congratulating your friend - that is childish but bear in mind that she may be feeling particularly sensitive about her own situation so being sat down by two engaged friends to chat about why she has dropped off the radar mightn't be the best approach.

I wouldn't make too much of a big deal about it; ask her is she ok and why she has been very quiet lately. Wait for her response; if its bitchy then that's obviously not good but she may be contrite and say it was just a shock to realise that she was the only one left.

I'm sure she wishes your friend all the best but if she is sensitive to being single then it may take her a while to articulate it in a way that is sincere. That could be why she hasn't replied.

Just a thought.

fits

Actually on second thoughts, The Morrison do lovely (but expensive) cocktails and would be pretty private.