Back again

Clare Bear

As most of you know I got dumped last week. We've tried the friends thing but this is what he just sent me after we had a brief clash (he's back in touch with a girl he met before me that I know he liked, I know he likes her a lot and I have a feeling he wants to ask her out) I just said it was hard for me as it had only been a week. This is what I got back,


"Yes, now its awkward. Whatever i do in my life is my business Clare, ditto for what you do in urs. I thought we could be friends and not have to worry about that, but now i'm not so sure. I've gone from a situation where i thought it'd be cool if we bumped into each other, to one where i'd now be slightly worried about that happening, at least for a while.

I'm sorry that u still feel raw about the situation, and that me meeting someone else would wreck ur head, but i honestly can say that if u told me you were out on a date tonight or whatever i'd be delighted for u. I suppose i feel like i've moved on and that i really just see u as my friend, where as u still see me as ur ex. I don't think u can be my friend AND my ex, at the same time?"


I really do have to say goodbye don't I?

I feel sick

Cathmandooo

aw Clare big hugs for ya for starters!

In my experiences trying to be friends just never works. Don't mind him though he's exagerrating, i bet if you told him tomorrow that you're seeing a bloke he'd be just as cut up as you are. You will always be each others ex, that just wont change. My ex had a new gf a week after me and it killed me. A year on he finally admitted that he had no interest in that girl cos he was really down in the dumps over our split.

Take some time away from him, it's the best thing you can do for yourself!

tallaght01

Anyone who writes you a wanky email because it's taking you, what, a week? to get over the end of a relationship is best off in bye-bye land, if you ask me.

hello_kitty

+1 for "Take some time away from him, it's the best thing you can do for yourself!"

I really feel for you Clare, but you have to think of yourself now, make the break for good.

Hugs for you..

Rattlehead_ie

Clare after that Id almost find you to give you a hug.
Its unfair I think of him to send that, I think the comment about I've moved on while you haven't after a week is a bit of a harsh comment and to be honest, although I thought the guy was at least decent enough to end it originally due to not seeing a future, this new development changes my mind a little bit.

I think at this point and you said it yourself. Its time to let him go and say goodbye GOODBYE at least for now. I know that will be hard for you as he WAS your best friend. But take heart as others have been in situation. I can only give you my own experiences but with exs of mine it meant maybe a yr or two of little to no contact which does work out as I have recently been back in contact with an ex and on a COMPLETELY great friends basis with no under lying feelings and I now have a great friend and I owe that to taking the time away from them to move on.

Say goodbye sweetie, put the chin up, your an attractive girl and Im sure Mr Right will come along and sweep you off your feet.

/HUGE INTERNET HUG

PS: With regard to feeling sick, is that from last night or the mail I think you should go out again tonight, keep yourself busy, meet up with some of the girls again. It did the world of good for you last time and trust me it will do the same this time/

jezza

God that guy sounds heartless. But its better than letting him lead you on ya know. If there was no chance of you both getting back together and if, deep down, you hoped that you would, he did the right thing.

He could have been a lot more sensitive however, but thats men for you.
It is honestly hard to be friends with someone knowing they have feelings for you.

I'd say- enjoy being single for the time being. Head out with the girls and party hard.

Who knows, maybe you can be friends with him given time. But maybe by then, you'll have an absolute animal of a guy and you won't wanna be friends.

None the less, feel better soon mdear.

feylya

From the sounds of his email, he's not having a great time either. TBH, he just sounds like he's trying to make you go away rather than cut contact himself. The best thing you can do right now is just ignore him and try and stay out of situations where you might bump into him. Concentrate on the good things in life, go out and get drunk with boardsies and just have fun. Maybe in a few months, the two of you will be able to talk. It's been 5 months since I broke up with my girlfriend and it's only now that we're able to send texts to each other.

G86

ah god pet thats a rotten mail, he really is being a dick here. Listen, go out again to night and take your mind off it, you deserve so much better. Sure look at the guys that were practically queueing up for you last night!!!

I don't think the friends thing is a good idea though, its going to end up hurting you even more. Maybe in a few mths...but not for now.

Rattlehead_ie

G86 wrote: »

ah god pet thats a rotten mail, he really is being a dick here. Listen, go out again to night and take your mind off it, you deserve so much better. Sure look at the guys that were practically queueing up for you last night!!!

Where do i get my ticket for that Q

I think general consensus is go out have a good laugh and try to forget him for now, if your meant to be friends it will happen later

pow wow

Cathooo wrote: »

aw Clare big hugs for ya for starters!

In my experiences trying to be friends just never works. Don't mind him though he's exagerrating, i bet if you told him tomorrow that you're seeing a bloke he'd be just as cut up as you are. You will always be each others ex, that just wont change. My ex had a new gf a week after me and it killed me. A year on he finally admitted that he had no interest in that girl cos he was really down in the dumps over our split.

Take some time away from him, it's the best thing you can do for yourself!

I'm with Cathooo on this one, I think the whole 'staying friends' thing is overrated and bull$hit. Why would you even want to stay friends? Not staying friends doesn't mean you want go at him (or her lol) with a flamethrower, it just means you don't hang out together and don't email/text which would inevitably stop one half of the former couple from moving on.

His email was not well phrased to say the least and to be honest he sounds like a bit of a pig. Whatever about doing the decent thing and letting you down gently when he realised you and him were never going to be for keeps, why does he need to tell you that a couple of moments later he was like 'Clare who?'. There is NO need for it.

I know everyone will have told you but yep, you're well rid. There are some lovely men out there (I'm told!!) you don't need to be wasting your thoughts or time on some twat like this. He is trying to put the blame for this on you and I'm sure his 'why can't you just get over me?' email was more to do with massaging his ego and less about him being friendly.

Cathmandooo

ellscurr i hope you're coming to the lounge beers

Sunday girl

Do not settle for someone who does not think you are "the sunday in every week". its his loss and when the day comes that he texts to say he misses you answer with "who is this". we have all been there. keep the good side out...Big hug

pow wow

Cathooo wrote: »

ellscurr i hope you're coming to the lounge beers

I wish! I'll be too busy with my flamethrower lol

cuckoo

*hugs*

I'm going to echo everyone here - put a lot of time and (hopefully) some distance between the two of you. Maybe in the future you'll be on christmas card and meeting for coffee occasionally terms, but you need the time to heal.

I reccommend some really expensive chocolate. And, doing your nails, stuff like that, because like the shampoo ads say - you're worth it!

Cathmandooo

ellscurr wrote: »

I wish! I'll be too busy with my flamethrower lol

Put the flamethrower down, the lippy on and come out and chase some *decent men with us.

Same for you Clare, hope you're still coming, it'll do you good! Actually you'll probably be healthier now that he's acting the prick. It'll help you move on and you'll be so much better off in the long run, believe me!!








*men not guaranteed to be decent, just entertaining.

Kazobel

Excuse my french but WHAT A BA$TARD! I'd be of the opinion that he does actually want you to feel $hit and that's why he's sending you stuff like that because after a breakup both parties always want to feel they are doing better than the other but unfortunatly sometimes one of them becomes malicious in an attempt to further hurt the other (usually the one that instigated the breakup in the first place) because for some reason hurting you isn't enough, they need to know you're devastated. I'm really sorry that someone would do that to you Clare but to be honest if he can be so heartless then you're probably better off. I know I woudn't want to be friends with someone like that. {{{Hugs}}} .

As an aside(and sorry for being so blunt) if it was me I'd cut all contact to you from him, if he can he will keep doing it so block him as much as you can. Don't respond to him at all, phone calls - don't answer, just hang up, e-mails - it'll be hard but don't even read them, just delete them, Texts - again don't read, just delete. I know it'll be hard because part of you will be hoping it's the call/text/e-mail from him asking you to get back together but I'd be willing to bet it never will be. He can't hurt you if he can't contact you and to be honest it'll also wreak his head because there's no satisfaction in the hurt if he's not getting a responce and he won't know whats going on in your life anymore so he'll start to feel just as bad as you do now.

Wibbs

tallaght01 wrote: »

Anyone who writes you a wanky email because it's taking you, what, a week? to get over the end of a relationship is best off in bye-bye land, if you ask me.

I second that. Selfish git with little or no empathy basically. Just because he's over you, he expects you should be. Lucky escape girl. Lucky escape. In general, in 90% of cases, never try to be friends with an ex, especially soon after. One of you will be always wanting more and friendship will be a downgrade from intimate lovers with a shared future. Why settle for that? Makes no sense. Also people who want to be friends afterwards are as I said, selfish or dumb. Or both. Basic translation, "I reject you as my lover and future, but is it alright with you if I keep you around, to help my guilt and because you're handy to have around in other ways?" I call arse on that.

You had a lucky escape. Anyone that emotionally thick would be a very bad bet longterm.

Karen_*

I feel sick for you after reading that. He needs to get over himself really, the nerve that guy has got. So you're supposed to be grand after a week and then with the added kick in the teeth of a new girl perhaps on the scene.

With 'friends' like that Clare you wouldn't need an enemy. Ok thats great for him that his life is going wonderfully and long may it continue. It wasn't nice of him to dump you and then let you know he was off out for a great night and it wasn't nice of him to do this. And he's putting it all back on you as if you're the one with the problem. You're not the one with the problem you're the one behaving like a human being and reacting perfectly normally.

You should feel sick that you bothered investing your time and energy into someone who clearly isn't worthy of you and you're way too good for. Pity his next girlfriend because she's in for the same as you've got.

Wibbs

I agree with Kazobel. Cut all contact. Sounds harsh? Not really. You need to heal and you won't with him in the background. He lost the benefit of your friendship and attention when he walked. He left you so let him leave.

panda100

Delete his number
Delete all his text (yes even the ones that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside)
Delete his email address
Delete all his emails/bebo etc
Chuck away anything he ever gave you or that reminds you of him

Then put on Kelly Clarkson 'Since you've been gone' at max volume and dance around your room. This man,who sounds like a twat anyhays, is officially out of your life.
Time will heal

spinandscribble

cut ALL contact. he's being a twat. either he wanted to dump you for awhile so he could ask this her out or he's being too damn honest and he knows what he's doing to you. i found that message he sent you quite smug tbh.

you cant give this fella everything he wants. he wants you as a friend so he wont have to feel bad for dumping you.

dont give him everything you want, he clearly doesnt care for your feelings or wants.

misslt

He's trying to be a 'big' man, so don't let him.

I know it hurts but just put a smile on your face and at least act like you don't care - you'll then eventually realise you don't.

You're way better off without a prick like that anyway!

Hope u feel better soon x

Dizzyblonde

Let him go, Clare, and put your energy into getting out and enjoying yourself.
It's looking like he did you a favour actually.
xx

watna

Pah, I had an ex who broke up with me after 2 and a half years because it wasn't going anywhere and he didn't want to be in a relationship. Of course, he wanted to be friends, which we were in a text message/email kind of way. 7 months later I found out that he had actaully been porking his ex-girlfriend for 2 months before we broke up and was now with her and had been since we broke up. He just wanted to be friends because he didn't want to hate himself. When I found out about all this he creid and begged for my forgiveness. We're not friends now, I don't talk to him anymore. Why would I be friends with someone who would treat me that way!

I'm not saying you're ex is doing the same thing, but it sounds like he wants to be friends to make himself feel better, not for you. I reckon you're better off moving on. I wish I'd told my ex to go f*ck himself earlier on!

P.S. I went through an I hate man face for a while after that but then met a very nice boy who would never do that to me! You will too!

echosound

Forget him Clare, and move on, he's being a prize asshole at the moment, trying to be all flippant and "oh look at me I'm sooooo over you, I have a new burd an' all". Git. He's trying to make himself feel better and somehow superior by doing the whole "oh you're so last week's news get over yourself" speil. What a complete and utter tosser. Clearly he's trying to make you feel horrible to give himself some sort of twisted satisfaction knowing he's hurting you.

I'd agree with what Kazobel had to say too.

I'd cut all contact, if you bump into him while out, smile politely, say hi and walk on with your head held high. Don't bother stopping to ask how he is and have a little chitchat, he'll only use the conversation to try to crow about how "well" he's doing for himself.

In time you may be able to have occasional contact, but in my experience, when a breakup is traumatic (ie it's not a short fling that both parties took as just a bit of fun and then moved on mutually, with zero hard feelings) it's virtually impossible to stay friends with exes. There's always feelings associated with the person, mostly how much they hurt you or how much you hurt them depending on who finished it. Why have that stress in your life?

Cut contact for a few months, get out and enjoy yourself, and thank your lucky stars he's shown you what a git he is and you didn't find out years down the line - you had a lucky escape! Now go and have some fun

like.no.other

There is more than one side to every story. I don't know how he is going to react when he sees these three threads. Clare, You are hurting.{{{hugs}}} Most of us have been there. The internet is not the place to do it. Before you know it, the sh1!!t will hit the fan and you will be one of those emails that circulates offices around the world.

bronte

Sorry to hear that Clare.. to be honest that message was a little bit wanky as someone else said.
I'd be upset too. He does seem very keen to let you know how much he's moved on (typical :rolleyes: ) But I'd take most of it with a very large pinch of salt.

As others have said, cut the contact, he will continue this crap only if you let him.

Major hugs

Jules

OP requested thread be close.