Mass Effect on seXBox!

Mr E

Let me introduce Mr Kevin McCullough...

I know that they all probably assume they have better, much more important, urgent, timely, things to campaign on, but I sure would like to get their individual takes on the new video game that one company is marketing to fifteen year old boys.

It's called "Mass Effect" and it allows its players - universally male no doubt - to engage in the most realistic sex acts ever conceived. One can custom design the shape, form, bodies, race, hair style, breast size of the images they wish to "engage" and then watch in crystal clear, LCD, 54 inch screen, HD clarity as the video game "persons" hump in every form, format, multiple, gender-oriented possibility they can think of.

[...]

And because of the digital chip age in which we live - "Mass Effect" can be customized to sodomize whatever, whoever, however, the game player wishes.

With it's "over the net" capabilities virtual orgasmic rape is just the push of a button away.

[...]

As technology continues to push the limits of imagination and interaction more and more the brain, the emotions, the feelings will integrate with physical responses in reality. And while the makers of such trash seem to be pushing our next generation of young men through the gates of hell as fast as is humanly possible, it needn't be that way.

Funnier than the article is the comments section (especially when the gamers got wind of the article). One of the developers is even asking for a retraction.

Full unbelievably misinformed article here: http://www.townhall.com/Columnists/KevinMcCullough/2008/01/13/the_sex-box_race_for_president?page=full&comments=true

The new Jack Thompson?

Ciaran500

A-Trak

His "Review," should go up on Metacritic.

15 year olds everywhere will be rushing out to buy there own direct a porn game, with added sci fi nerdiness.

Actually forget the 15 year olds, just replace that with "men."

Damn, I wish my xbox wasn't off with Bill getting fixed. I really want to set up my own alien lesbian lovefest.

thebman

Ah come on people, don't give this freak the time of day like people did with Jack Thompson, it only makes them more likely to go on as their google stats go up and they get more ad revenue to buy themselves a Merc by making a job out of p*ssing off the gaming community.

This sad excuse for journalism is not worth commenting. Why did nobody care to mention that the Xbox 360 features parental controls to protect children from such content even if it was in the game. The games industry has proven time and time again, they take the age certification more seriously than the movie industry as I see very few DVD players that support certifications (although DVD players lack profiles, it does not mean they couldn't exist. You just need an adult profile and a teen/child profile that can be password protected).

Smellyirishman

"One can custom design the shape, form, bodies, race, hair style, breast size of the images they wish to "engage" and then watch in crystal clear, LCD, 54 inch screen, HD clarity as the video game "persons" hump in every form, format, multiple, gender-oriented possibility they can think of."

That's a front cover box-art quote if ever I've seen one. Even if it is a lie, sure aren't they all.

kaimera

Man I must be doing something wrong in.game...I'm not getting any

DarkJager

kaimera wrote: »

Man I must be doing something wrong in.game...I'm not getting any

You'll get it near the end if you play your cards right

monkeyfudge

I really wanted to sodomise Saren's corpse at the end of the game... but I guess I just didn't have enough renegade points.

DeVore

I nailed the blue b*tch.... alien poontang for the w1n, awwww yeah!

DeV.

kaimera

DarkJager wrote: »

You'll get it near the end if you play your cards right

/rubs hands with glee [and ky]

DarkJager

DeVore wrote: »

I nailed the blue b*tch.... alien poontang for the w1n, awwww yeah!

DeV.

Bah, Ashley is so much the hotter piece of ass!!!

Beruthiel

DeVore wrote: »

I nailed the blue b*tch.... alien poontang for the w1n, awwww yeah!.

So did I and all I remember from that is she rubbed me head, a poor excuse for hot sex.
I was soooo disappointed

Hail 2 Da Chimp

Hang on, I just bought Mass Effect on Sunday, please tell me this artical is true... Don't go dashing my dreams!

DarkJager

Yes its true.....

P.S :

Anybody nail the Asari Consort??

DeVore

Really? She was a tiger in the sack with me.... Bowng-chick-bow-wow.


Seriously though, if a 15 year old was looking for hot dirty sex using the computer:
A. They would find it a lot faster then playing 10 hours of ME.
B. They'd probably whack-off somewhere other then the front room where the Xbox most likely is!

I was sorry I didnt nail Ashley tbh. I bet she's nasteh!

DeV.

DarkJager

Oh she is Dev.... The stuff she did to me cannot be repeated on a family forum like this

Scruff

One can custom design the shape, form, bodies, race, hair style, breast size of the images they wish to "engage" and then watch in crystal clear, LCD, 54 inch screen, HD clarity as the video game "persons" hump in every form, format, multiple, gender-oriented possibility they can think of.

You can customise the bodies and breast size??
God damn it, if thats true i missed that bit and will have to restart all over again and give my Angelina Jolie BJ lipped female Shepard a bigger set of tits.
The podium dance in Chora's Den from that Asari bar girl has whetted my appetite for lesbian computer generated characters....mmmmm.......

Ciaran500

I think I just got to the sex scene

It was with some blue alien and lasted about 2 seconds.

Branoic

Ciaran500 wrote: »

I think I just got to the sex scene

It was with some blue alien and lasted about 2 seconds.

The Asari Consort on the Citadel?

Merely the appetizer - wait til you get to the "main event" with the crew member of your choice. Hot stuff!!

not really, although it lasts a bit longer second time round

Vegeta

Ciaran500 wrote: »

I think I just got to the sex scene

It was with some blue alien and lasted about 2 seconds.

The longer that scene lasts the longer your penis is. Statement of true fact

You Ciaran are clearly hung like a door mouse.

Mr E

He has apologised..... sort of!
http://kotaku.com/345852/political-dickery-apologizes

Based on the multitude of response by gamers who share my concern for decency in the entertainment of our children, it is obvious that I had been misinformed on at least two points of substance in my original column.

For this I DO apologize to the gaming universe!

For the strides that retailers HAVE made to attempt to keep smut out of children's hands, I thank them! (Though can't we do better than 42%?)

And thank you to the many who have volunteered to help lend a hand on future gaming issues...

If enforcement numbers track similarly in terms of improvement as they have from 2000-2005, then the critical concern I carry with me deeply in regards to minors getting inappropriate material and spending tens of hours at a time removed from society absorbing it will be minimized.

I still do concur with my original position that the objectionable content in Mass Effect is still offensive, and should be kept out of the hands of those under age.

Ciaran500

Vegeta wrote: »

The longer that scene lasts the longer your penis is. Statement of true fact

You Ciaran are clearly hung like a door mouse.

But it didn't ask me any where to input my penis size
How did it know 0_o

niallispuresex

I nailed the blue in across from the embassies and the one on the ship.
Must be a blue fetish...

DeVore

you can bang the blue escort wan?? Wha?

She wouldnt do me..... must be a lezzer!

DeV.

koneko

You have to be a dick to her, apparantly she likes renegades.

Vegeta

koneko wrote: »

You have to be a dick to her, apparantly she likes renegades.

She's just like a real woman then

DeVore

I was super paragon (topped it out) on my first game but this time I'm going to play a female renegade and fnck some sh|t up. Might do Ashley this time...

Oh, and back on topic, yer man posted a sort of retraction. Wow.... so M.E. *isn't* a "orgasmic rape" machine?

I think someone is projecting their "issues" onto a game...

DeV.

koneko

If you go female Shep then you can only do Kaiden or Liara, Ashley (super-Christian) won't go lesbian.

Beruthiel

koneko wrote: »

If you go female Shep then you can only do Kaiden

I was female Shep first time round and played the game through with Kaiden. He never once put out for me!!
*outraged* :mad:

Mr E

Fox News in America covered the story.... completely blowing it out of proportion.
Mass Effect is now Luke Skywalker meets Debbie Does Dallas

Click through for more misinformed adults....

http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/games/archives/2008/01/23/is_this_the_most_idiotic_videogame_debate_of_all_time.html

Cactus Col

Fox didn't seem too worried about it when they gave the game 3.5 stars out of 4
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,316996,00.html