Bad manners to use first name

Overheal

its an irish thing - everyone uses first names. If someone called me Mr. Charron I'd just assume I was in some kind of trouble. Or she was flirting with me.

connundrum

Possibly the most trivial thing I've heard of all day.

If someone called me Sir, I'd look around me for the old man that I'd presume was being referred to - same goes for Mister.

Apart from my first name, I don't know what people would refer to me as - 'Hey... You there!'

What I do hate is when people you don't know take your first name, and then add a twist to it, just for sh1ts and giggles.

My name is David, and I'll accept David or Dave. Several times random people have come on the phone calling me Davey, Davo, Davester (really!). I refuse to respond until they call me by one of my two preferred names.

Caveat

As intimated, the Irish are considerably less formal than the English in this repsect - and most other Europeans for that matter.

E.g. A plumber calling for the first time in England would never dream of using first name terms with their customer.

It doesn't bother me in the slightest. I work in sales and I almost never use Mr/Ms with my potential customers - hasn't done me any harm as far as I can see. Anyone looking for my business almost always uses my first name too. A friendly, courteous and professional manner is far more important I think.

When dealing with e.g. French/Germans (as I do regularly) I always use Mr/Ms - as I know they expect it.

As a nation we are probably too informal in general - to the extent whereby I would now regard the "Mr" thing as antiquated.

Red Hand

Mr adharc wrote: »

I hate people I don't know calling me by my first name. This is prevalent by businesses and firms on the telephone. It is just bad manners. In France and germany you must know the person well before you can use tu or du. Calling a person one doesn't know by their first name is quite an invasion of their personal space.

Dear Mr adharc,

In response to your recent statement, I have reviewed my policy when engaging with you by face to face, by phone and by email, and from now on will address you as Mr adharc. I apologise if there was any offense or discomfort caused by my, admittedly, familiar tone.

I hope this will not effect our future working relationship.

Regards,

Jeremiah 16:1

Jeremiah 16:1

Jeremiah 16:1 wrote: »

Dear Mr adharc,

In response to your recent statement, I have reviewed my policy when engaging with you by face to face, by phone and by email, and from now on will address you as Mr adharc. I apologise if there was any offense or discomfort caused by my, admittedly, familiar tone.

I hope this will not effect our future working relationship.

Regards,

Jeremiah 16:1

Psst, it's "affect". Careful, he might get offended :eek:

Terry

adharc wrote: »

I hate people I don't know calling me by my first name. This is prevalent by businesses and firms on the telephone. It is just bad manners. In France and germany you must know the person well before you can use tu or du. Calling a person one doesn't know by their first name is quite an invasion of their personal space.

I'd just like to point out that this is not France or Germany.
We do not have the same customs as these countries.

In japan and Bajor, the surname is given first. Should we adopt that system?

Ciaran500

Caveat wrote: »

As a nation we are probably too informal in general - to the extent whereby I would now regard the "Mr" thing as antiquated.

Is that a bad thing?

Doctor DooM

Terry wrote: »

I'd just like to point out that this is not France or Germany.
We do not have the same customs as these countries.

In japan and Bajor, the surname is given first. Should we adopt that system?

Only if we get console games early or funky ear rings.

Red Hand

Miss bluewolf wrote: »

Psst, it's "affect". Careful, he might get offended :eek:

When you are quoting my posts, please use Mr 16:1.:mad:

A little courtesy goes along way.

ScumLord

I've always half wondered about this as I Email yankydoodles at work quite a bit and always use their first name even if they put Mr soandso at the bottom of the Email their full name is usually embeded in the Email somewhere and i use that. But I know they'll just think thats the way it must be done in Ireland.

Saying Mr just sounds mean like you don't like the person.

stepbar

I'm not Mr. Campbell, I'm Brendan Campbell

Plug

dr.bollocko wrote: »

Shut up Ad. Get over it. Using 2nd names makes the person using it sound like your bitch. and you just want everyone to be subservient to you, dont you, Mr. harc?
And shut up The-. Im not a fan of you helping out Ad either.

+1
your a good lad you are.

seraphimvc

huh???i thought this thread is just a joke and people are actually serious?

well...

when in official/working/letters stuffs,of course a Mr/Miss/Mrs will be more appropriate!

but if he/she is your friends,normally people wont do that,wont they?

but if people do call you with your first name...of course that would be only happens in some situations?like in work,meeting,restaurant(the waiter.manager)what's problem???

my conclusion is:

this thread is weird.

Maximilian

I must admit though, I never permit the Help to address me by my first name. That's why I usually keep a length of birch nearby in case of one of them tries to rise above its station.

I have some splendid birch to spare. If anyone wishes to have some, have your factor contact my factor to make the necessary arrangements. Now I must dash, I promised my nephew I'd shoot that damn Daschund for him.

Caveat

Ciaran500 wrote: »

Is that a bad thing?

I don't think so myself - it's just that I think it's one of the results of the Irish being very informal. Just an observation.

I do however think that there are some negative aspects to our lack of formality e.g. people being very casual about timing/arrangements, lack of etiquette in some situations/rituals where etiquette might be a necessary evil.

RonMexico

Well bollix...

aidan24326

adharc wrote: »

I hate people I don't know calling me by my first name. This is prevalent by businesses and firms on the telephone. It is just bad manners. In France and germany you must know the person well before you can use tu or du. Calling a person one doesn't know by their first name is quite an invasion of their personal space.

You sound like one of these terribly annoying people who is 'offended' by just about anything. Get over your own self-importance. If you don't want anyone calling you by your first name then drop it, don't use it at all. It can sometimes be inappropriate to address someone by first name but only in a certain few situations. Really, have you nothing better to be worrying about?

TwoShedsJackson

I'll call anyone I don't know and who is likely to be somewhat older than myself Mr or Mrs until I get told otherwise. Some will, others won't. The parents of a guy I've know since 1977 have never told me to call them by their first names and so I never have, it's still Mr and Mrs Ryan when I meet them.

dermo88

If in doubt, use Mr and Mrs. Personally I don't mind either, but for the sake of professionalism, I prefer addressing people as Mr/Mrs/Ms until told otherwise. If it comes to salespeople attempting to sell me anything, or unsolicited contact I prefer being addressed as Mr/Mrs. That sends out a message to them on a psychological / subliminal level that I am a bit annoyed, and that their contact is not really wanted. They'll back down, and there is a barrier put up. Its quite effective.

slipss

adharc wrote: »

In France and germany you must know the person well before you can use tu or du. Calling a person one doesn't know by their first name is quite an invasion of their personal space.

Move to France or Germany? Thats the culture and custom over there. In Ireland we call each other by our first names in pretty much all situations. thats the culture and custom here. I called Catherine Delahunt, Cathy once and she just smiled, called me by my first name and asked me to address her as Judge, she didn't get her knickers in a twist over it. If a circuit court Judge wearing a silly grey curly wig can take it in the freindly manor it's meant maybe you can detwist your knickers and do the same ehh sunshine?

PeakOutput

op get over yourself

Victor

Thaedydal wrote: »

It it good manners and proper equiette not to call a person by thier first name unles invited to do so otherwise it is being over familiar.

That first date isn't going to work out, is it?

briantwin

I work on the phone a lot and if anyone ever said "Excuse me, I'd prefer if you addressed me as Mr.Jones." "in that case you can address me as Mr.Megatron!!"

Random

I would rather people called me by my first name. Why? Because it's my ****ing name! Simple as.

Susannahmia

adharc wrote: »

I hate people I don't know calling me by my first name. This is prevalent by businesses and firms on the telephone. It is just bad manners. In France and germany you must know the person well before you can use tu or du. Calling a person one doesn't know by their first name is quite an invasion of their personal space.

My, you must really think your special.:rolleyes: This is Ireland not France it's not such a convention here. If you don't like it move to France.

kelle

I only like being called by my first name and do insist on it.

I'm the other way inclined; I hate someone addressing me by my surname if they don't prefix it with a title - I find it extremely rude. One of my old bosses used do it and my maths teacher in 1st, 2nd and 3rd year did too. The only time he ever didn't was a few years later when I was delivering a PC to his house to set up - the shoe was on the other foot.

thefinalstage

Karsini wrote: »

I'm the other way inclined; I hate someone addressing me by my surname if they don't prefix it with a title - I find it extremely rude. One of my old bosses used do it and my maths teacher in 1st, 2nd and 3rd year did too. The only time he ever didn't was a few years later when I was delivering a PC to his house to set up - the shoe was on the other foot.

"Well Edward its hard to set up a computer. All of these wires have to be glued in and soldered together than crimped and finally chewed"

"Right"

"Want to get me a cup of tea Edward?"

Venom

Maximilian wrote: »

I must admit though, I never permit the Help to address me by my first name. That's why I usually keep a length of birch nearby in case of one of them tries to rise above its station.

I have some splendid birch to spare. If anyone wishes to have some, have your factor contact my factor to make the necessary arrangements. Now I must dash, I promised my nephew I'd shoot that damn Daschund for him.

Maximilian one really must move with the times dear boy, try using a length of rubberised hose as due to it not leaving any markings the deserving skallywags of the beatings wont be able to cause any legal problems for you with the gentlemen of the law

Toto Wolfcastle

I teach so I obviously get addressed as Miss. It irritates me so much when the students call me Miss (not telling you my surname, you'll only use it!). I know the students are not allowed use my first name, but it still annoys me when I'm addressed so formally. (I'm only 22 and it makes me feel old) In the last few weeks I've supervised a lot of classes so now I have students from every year saying 'Hi Miss....' whenever I leave the staff room.

A few of the other student teachers who attended the school still sometimes address the teachers who taught them as Miss or Mrs which I find strange. I call them all by their first names. Actually, I don't know most of their surnames. I was telling a student to go see a teacher and I said, 'Go see Mr........Jeff.'

Capt'n Midnight

Would be handy having a PhD just to be able to say "That's Dr. Midnight to you" for all those smarmy cold calling salespersons


makes it worse when they are foreign because you know using first names is frowned upon over there

Maximilian

Venom wrote: »

Maximilian one really must move with the times dear boy, try using a length of rubberised hose as due to it not leaving any markings the deserving skallywags of the beatings wont be able to cause any legal problems for you with the gentlemen of the law

Gads, the last time I went near the help with rubber I almost got divorced when the Countess found the coathanger. I'll stick with the birch dear chap.

dr.bollocko

I hate everything that Mr. / Mrs. (Actually judging by his / her posting its a Mizz) Harc has said so far on Boards. I do not respect his wishes to be referred to by his 2nd name. He has insulted me once, and for a Doctor like me. (Thats DOCTOR Mr. / Mrs. / Mizz Harc, Not SLUG) that is once too many. Prepare to be flamed back to the stone age, back in pre-flame times when both fire and creative insults were a rare commodity thus providing you with little ability to return the favour I am going to give you of teaching you a fine lesson in etiquette.

I'd rather actually live inside the feverish syphilitic nightmares of a near-deceased hairless rat (using that machine from the Cell that they invented to get Vince Vaughn laid) for a week than ever converse with a person as rude as you again.
I bid you farewell.

Jigsaw

I was on the phone to Virgin Media this afternoon trying to rectify their latest f**k up and the automaton I spoke to asked if it was alright to call me by my first name. I said yes. I'm not particularly arsed about that sort of stuff. One thing I do notice is this. I am a guy in my mid twenties but I wear a suit to work, usually push the boat out and stick on the cufflinks, proper overcoat and all. If I go into a bar dressed like that after work on a Friday I get called Sir without fail. If I go into the same bar on Saturday evening wearing jeans, a t-shirt and a pair of Adidas I get called "mate". I don't mind either really - just making the observation.

luckat

For me, it depends on manner, and on context.

I don't like gardai calling me by my first name, because I'm not invited to call them by their first name, and it feels like a smirky power trip.

I don't mind tech support calling me by my first name, as I always ask for their name too, so both of us are using each other's names.

Working-class people used to be more traditional and formal; when I lived in inner-city Dublin, the women all called each other Mrs and surname and referred to each other as such, unless they were *very* close friends, or relatives.

And in certain trades people get terribly up themselves about titles - doctors, for instance.

One thing I can't stand: men who call women 'love' or 'chicken', etc. There *was* a nice polite lad directing the traffic and minding security in one of my local supermarkets, but he's developed the bad habit of calling women 'love' and men 'boss'. I notice that people are actually starting to avoid parking there now, so it must irritate others too!

Solarball10

adharc wrote: »

I hate people I don't know calling me by my first name. This is prevalent by businesses and firms on the telephone. It is just bad manners. In France and germany you must know the person well before you can use tu or du. Calling a person one doesn't know by their first name is quite an invasion of their personal space.

Righhhhhht....

personally I much prefer it when people call me by my first name - makes a situation seems less formal and friendlier(I hate formal situations lol)

arybvtcw0eolkf

adharc wrote: »

My my what a grovelly liittle slug you are. You probably don't know who your mother is. Go snort some more coke, it can only improve your degenerated brain cells. This would be an improvement.

Listen up Harry or whatever your name is, thats not how we endear ourselves to other boardies around here.

monkeyfudge

luckat wrote: »

One thing I can't stand: men who call women 'love' or 'chicken', etc. There *was* a nice polite lad directing the traffic and minding security in one of my local supermarkets, but he's developed the bad habit of calling women 'love' and men 'boss'. I notice that people are actually starting to avoid parking there now, so it must irritate others too!

I hate that 'love' thing as well.

I used to get it all the time when my hair was longer... I was never sure what to be offended at more... the fact they got my gender wrong or their use of casual sexism.

5starpool

I hate it when people look at me directly. They should stare at the floor directly to my left, not my right. If people knew their place this world would be a better place.

Tusky

I would go one step further. Its bad manors to use my first name to address me and its almost as bad to use Mr.(insert surname here). I get highly offended if I am addressed in either of those ways and sometimes it takes me up to a week to get over it.

I insist that everyone address me by my hair color or not at all.

gerTheGreat

Back when I was a salesman, I would address all customers/ potential customers as sir or madam, until I was told not too (edit: ) by them. A lot of people get weirded out by that. That said, I always introduced myself by my first name.

Now I use both names introducing myself and let them pick. I'll answer to either, although, I prefere to be addressed by my first name.

Friends use an abriviation of my first name when talking to me.