German Jokes

Woofer · 21-01-2008 12:06pm #1

(read in your best german accent)

> Knock, knock.

> Who's there?

> The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband

> is in hospital.

>

> A man walks into a pub.

> He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his

> family.

>

> Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?

> She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of

> her

> terribly low self-esteem.

>

> What do you call a cat with no tail?

> A manx cat.

>

> Why do undertakers wear ties?

> Because their profession is very serious, and it is important

> that

> their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

>

> How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?

> One.

>

> Why do women fake orgasms?

> Because they want to give men the impression that they have

> climaxed.

>

> Two men are sitting in a pub.

> One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of

> strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other

> man

> replies:

> 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug

> habit.'

>

> Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a

> rabbit leaps

> out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass

> and then

> wanders off.

>

> Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?

> Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell

> pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.