Quickies

rocky25

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.
After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude?"
After a confused silence, a voice volunteered,
"I guess you'd be eating alone."
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Four Little Animals ...
A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?"
A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life is four little animals!"
The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be?"
The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed, and a jackass to pay for it all."
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I am God
"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself."
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A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:
"HEBREWS"
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The man tells his doctor that his wife hasn’t wanted to have sex with him for the past 7 months. The physician tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.
When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why doesn’t she want to have sex with her husband any more.
"For the last 7 months," the wife replies, "every morning I take a cab to work. I don’t make much money and my husband doesn’t give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, ’So are you going to pay today or what?’
I always give him an ’or what’.
That makes me late to work I’m late, so the boss asks me, ’So are we going to dock your salary, or what?’
That’s another ’or what.’
On the way home, I take the cab and again I don’t have any money so the cab driver asks me, ’So are you going to pay this time or what?’
And, again, I do an ’or what’.
So you see, Doctor, when I get home I’m all tired out and I don’t want sex any more."
The doctor thinks for a second. "So," he says, "are we going to tell your husband or what?"