Whats the problem with tabloids you snobby cnuts??

Terry

LadyJ wrote: »

They do have some hilarious headlines!

"Police forgot to check Maddie's bed"

"Katie was braindead"

That Katie one cracked me up.
I buy the sun every Saturday. Great tv guide.
Anyway, that particular Saturday, I was working in a neighbours house.
He saw the headline and said that she wouldn't be dead if she hadn't been doing drugs. What a brilliant observation from the man who got up the next morning and told me that he had done 3 or 4 bags of coke on Saturday night.

cance

this thread stinks of epic fail.

6th

eamonnm79 wrote: »

Independant media are the only ones that can be even half trusted.

HA! I just shat myself laughing at that but will I go change my jocks? Will I FCUK!

david1two3

ScumLord wrote: »

If you like your soccer it's good I suppose but I don't like soccer my only sporting interest is motor sport.

I do get to browse through them regularly at friends houses during lunch and such. I read them for a laugh and mock the people who bought them. I don't think there's any cracking jornos working on tabloids, I don't read broadsheets either. I realise that may make me sound stupid and unread but so be it. Newspapers are muck.

If your looking for hilarious headlines nothing beats the Tuam herald and other farmer rags from the wesht.

The Athenry Absorber weakly is even better, its got a circulation of none as the (cr)editor cant get around to buying the next round of (dr)ink for to publish it ove a friday. The reason for its name is it absorbs everything cept ink and conksickquenkly news. I used to d liver milk in Chume dirty years ago and it was a loveless town, I think it was the milk that kept most of d livers going as it gave them a grape from d drink til sum fukker invinted wite wisky an den the lowcals had wite noise in dere eads.

Anyway its absurd absorbing news in Athenry as the headline "burning your fudge in the oven" is quite unatural unless of course its removable and is likely to cause a fence to come down as all the cows force there wicked way on pubic opinion. You know when you go into a quite field of a night with a girl or boy for a ride, get going like a Jesuit on a sabbatical and when you come to your senses you find yourselves surrounded by a herd of cattle. Thats real news.

Crazy Christ

Pherekydes

Pighead wrote: »

Pighead knows for a fact that he's cleverer than you.

...will beat your snobby arses around the pub in a table quiz.

Dead right there, bud. But you wouldn't be an "average" tabloid reader, would you?

Which means I'm still right about using it as a knuckle-scraping lowbrow flag, aren't I? And you're wrong about me fcuking up.

You are right about the table quiz, though. I was at one a while back and it was full of celebrity minutiae, pop music trifles and horse racing trivia.

Definitely not my strong suits. You and your buddies, however, being tabloid reading buffs would skate through these subjects with flying colours.

Collie D

Pighead wrote: »

Tell you what, you round up your speccy know it all broadsheet reading mates and Pighead will round up his tabloid reading buddies and without a shadow of a doubt Pigheads Panthers will beat your snobby arses around the pub in a table quiz.

At the risk of sounding like a fan of old Rasherbrain I would like to join your pub team, Hogskull. I think we should go for this.

Fook. I've been offline for a couple of months and since I've come back I've voted Sausageface as a funny poster and I am agreeing with him. Think I need to lie down.

Pighead

Slow coach wrote: »

Dead right there, bud. But you wouldn't be an "average" tabloid reader, would you?

You are right about the table quiz, though.

Definitely not my strong suits. You and your buddies, however, being reading buffs would skate through these subjects with flying colours.

Well said. Pighead appreciates your brutal honesty and apologises if he came on a tad strong earlier on. Friends again?

Pherekydes

Pighead wrote: »

Friends again?

As always. (In other words, no. )

Borneo Fnctn

If people want to read tabloids, fair enough. I've done it myself. But "news" articles about Coronation Street storylines is taking the piss. Read what you want but don't call it news.

doonothing

6th wrote: »

RIP Bat Boy

Best...boy...ever

I still remember the day I say the headline "Thank god we sent bat boy to iraq!"
*salutes*

ScumLord

david1two3 wrote: »

You know when you go into a quite field of a night with a girl or boy for a ride, get going like a Jesuit on a sabbatical and when you come to your senses you find yourselves surrounded by a herd of cattle. Thats real news.

No it's not bovine are filthy perverts, everyone knows that. If they don't know they'll be sure to find out the hard way. If you've been raped by a bull the farmers liable, I'd put a claim in straight away.

SUNGOD

Pighead wrote: »

Off topic SUNGOD. Speaking of off topicness you're a bit of a spanner aren't you? Come on lad SORT YOURSELF OUT!

saucer of milk for pighead

Davidius

People still read the paper?

Dave!

I don't really read the paper any more, but my folks buy the Star, Daily Mail, Herald, etc., all the time.... when I read them I get angry cos they're (the papers) so stupid/biased/loaded/innuendoed/ill-founded/trashy.

They have good sports though, I'll give you that!

Xavi6

As a journo myself and someone who wishes to earn a reasonable crust, tabloids are the way to go. It's where the big money's at.

As for the person earlier who said they're written for cnuts by cnuts that's sh1te. I'm no cnut but I'd have no problem writing that sort of stuff if I was gettin a hefty sum for it. I'm sure plenty of the current writers are of the same opinion.

Terry

Tabloids: Written by ***** for *****.
Ignored (allegedly) by ***** who are failed writers and can't even get a gig writing for a tabloid with their orts degree from Trinners.

JIZZLORD

ScumLord wrote: »

I'm convinced tabloids have a computer program that generates their stories. Insert celebrity, venue, state of undress and desired scandal.

behold!
http://www.qwghlm.co.uk/toys/dailymail/

the daily mail headline generator.
example: COULD THE FRENCH GIVE THE COUNTRYSIDE CANCER?

panda100

People are talking of the Star,the sun etc but I would defiantly classify The Irish independent and The Evening Herald as tabloids too. There full of trashy celeb stories dressed up as a supposedly credible newspaper. The photos you get daily of Irish models in them are just as bad as page three. At least with the Sun you get witty writing,the same cant be said for the Indo and Herald rags.


I read the Guardian.Quality,unbiased, humorous writing

JIZZLORD

i believe that the indo has gone downhill myself, but there's a whole generation of people who complain about the paper but refuse to buy anything else

Giblet

Newspapers in general suck! Get out there and research your own news, ya lazy gits! I'm on a plane to Iraq to do an interview.

ScumLord

The Hitcher wrote: »

Newspapers in general suck! Get out there and research your own news, ya lazy gits! I'm on a plane to Iraq to do an interview.

That's what I've been doing with the google news, why hear about people dieing when I could be reading about how stuff works and rockets to the moon, space puppies and miniature robots.

SimpleSam06

ScumLord wrote: »

where facts are like some exotic anal pleasure toy to a farmer.

So you're saying farmers don't enjoy exotic anal pleasures?

ScumLord

SimpleSam06 wrote: »

So you're saying farmers don't enjoy exotic anal pleasures?

Ah jesus lord no, you've no time for craic like that you have to be in and out before she kicks.

Jay P

Because of the superlative headlines andstories, and all the "scoops" which are actual cráp

The Queen

I like the problem pages in the tabloids. They make me giggle.

I think real news might be too much for my fragile female brain.

panda100

The Queen wrote: »

I like the problem pages in the tabloids. They make me giggle.
.

I love the photo problem pages. Yes I always ponder my life problems in my frilly bra and knickers and my boyfirend always ponders his problems with his top of. :rolleyes:

The Queen

panda100 wrote: »

I love the photo problem pages. Yes I always ponder my life problems in my frilly bra and knickers and my boyfirend always ponders his problems with his top of. :rolleyes:

Oh yeah. Same as. Me and my friends always discuss any problems in our frillies. And I dress as a cheap hooker while going to the shop.

I love the photo case book....

Tragedy

The Indos definitely gone downhill, so much celebrity/gossip/fashion, constant unibrow glenda gilson on page 3, stupid headlines. Only bit I still like is the back page for quick international news

the sunday times though, a weeks reading in one paper!

Lockstep

I remember when all that malarkey was going on in Lebanon, front page of the Sun was still going on about that Limerick woman who won the lottery.

LEbanon had a tiny paragraph slotted in somewhere.


I also love the problem pages, usually about "Oh no, I slept with my mothers best friends son in laws gardener who once met the ugly one in Busted"
Reply is usually along the lines of "Call my helpline"
091 568992 (calls cost enough to keep Dr Miriam in extremely fancy jewlery)

Best one ever: I masturbated for the first time, now I'm worried I'm pregnant.

Hilarious.



And who can forget the subject matter of such paper's headlines. Usually fermenting discontent against immigrants and the blacks. Someday someone should slip in a headline saying "Asylum seekers are the natural predators of paedophiles" just to see the clienteles reaction.

Commonest headline is "It's political correctness gone mad"
or "A source clost to Ms Hilton states" (the journalists brother who saw someone who looked a bit like her once)


Also hilarious is the mindset where if a black and white person apply for the same job, the black will automatically get it, even if the black was a streetsweeper and the job is neurosurgery.