Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole

kleefarr

.. when a stranger carrying a new golf bag called out to them,

"Hey! Do you guys mind if I join you? My partner didn't show up."

"Sure," they said, "come on." They started playing. They enjoyed the game, the day, and the company of the newcomer.

Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the stranger, "What do you do for a living?"

"I'm an assassin," was the reply.

"You're joking!" was their shocked response.

"No, I'm not," he said. He reached into his golf bag and pulled out a magnificent H & K sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here one of my tools."

That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here."

He picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.

"Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow... I can see my wife in our bedroom... and.... she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my next door neighbour in there with her. He's naked too!"

He turned to the hit man, "How much do you charge for a hit?"

"For you, given the circumstances, I'll give you a flat rate. A thousand bucks every time I pull the trigger."

"Can you do two for me now?"

"Sure, what do you want?"

"First, shoot my wife. She's always been a big mouth, so shoot her in the mouth."

"Then shoot my neighbour. He's a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off. Teach him a lesson."

The hit man took the rifle and aimed, standing perfectly still for several minutes.

"Are you going to do it or not?" said the golfer, impatiently.

"Just take it easy," said the hit man calmly,



.... "I think I can save you a grand here."

galwayrush

Excellent:D

rocky25

Good one

kryogen

ahh Billy Connolly, you just cant beat him can you!