bi and confused: help!

death-by-stereo

i'm 18, i'm a girl and i'm bi. i have feelings for my best friend and i've nearly kissed her a few times. she's straight and she has a boyfriend. she knows how i feel about her and she's ok with it.
but i have a boyfriend aswell. he knows about this and it REALLY turns him on. on saturday night we're going out with my best friend and her boyfriend. my boyfriend knows i'm really scared that i might get drunk and kiss her. i don't want to do this in case it dose something to our friendship. but he dosen't really get this. he wants me to get drunk and kiss her cause he thinks it'll be relly really hot. he actually said he'd go up to my best friend and tell her to make me kiss her! i really don't want him to do that. i'm really scared i might end up doing something i'll really regret.
someone help!!!

Boston

Sounds like you need to get your own head together and your boyfriend isn't really helping, also, could your friend be playing games with you?

jawlie

death-by-stereo wrote: »

i'm 18, i'm a girl and i'm bi. i have feelings for my best friend and i've nearly kissed her a few times. she's straight and she has a boyfriend. she knows how i feel about her and she's ok with it.
but i have a boyfriend aswell. he knows about this and it REALLY turns him on. on saturday night we're going out with my best friend and her boyfriend. my boyfriend knows i'm really scared that i might get drunk and kiss her. i don't want to do this in case it dose something to our friendship. but he dosen't really get this. he wants me to get drunk and kiss her cause he thinks it'll be relly really hot. he actually said he'd go up to my best friend and tell her to make me kiss her! i really don't want him to do that. i'm really scared i might end up doing something i'll really regret.
someone help!!!

Have you considered not getting drunk?

death-by-stereo

even if i don't get drunk it's still going to be hard for me

Ballerina

if your boyfriend knows you really don't want to and keeps pushing it then your problem is with him, not your friend and not yourself

he sounds like a sap imo

death-by-stereo

i love my boyfriend to bits. he's really nice and caring. but when it comes to a problem he prefere to makes jokes and laugh to try and solve it. it dosne't mean it in a bad way. it's just the way he is. i don't usually mind it but when it comes to this he's not helping at all

LegacyUser

Ok here is my view on this....

First off you do not love your boyfriend and he dosn't love you. If he did love you he would not want you kissing anyone else and if you loved him you would not want to be kissing your friend.

To be perfectly honest I am sick of the way people say that because you are bi you have really stong feelings for the same sex and you can't control it. I am a straight male and I have really stong feelings for woman but I can control it because i love my girlfriend. Why should you be any different??? Just because you are attracted to your friend???

You need to take some time and think about your situation. Get rid of the boyfriend and forget about your staright friend. Its not going to happen and if it does it will turn out nasty. More likely for you in the long run than for her.

And before people start giving out about my reply they should know that my girlfriend is bisexual also and I know what i am talking about in this situation.

CorsetRibbons

I can't believe how horrible your boyfriend is being. I can't imagine how you are with him for (A) the above reason, (B) the fact that you fancy someone else and (C) the fact that your head is all over the shop. You need sort yourself out. Your boyfriend is a sleazy pervert, unsupportive and selfish. He's only thinking about his own gratification.

Even if you fancy your best friend, you need to respect that she't not a lesbian. If you mess up, you're not only messing up her but remember she also has a boyfriend who you'll be upsetting. You need to take a breather from this little circle and get rid of your boyfriend and leave your friend in peace or at the very least have a serious chat with her and explain that you have these feelings. She probably thinks you're just playing games with her.

And I don't know why the hell everyone has to bring alcohol into situations like this. It's not needed and you'll be able to make clearer decisions without it.

john_aero

death-by-stereo wrote: »

i love my boyfriend to bits. he's really nice and caring. but when it comes to a problem he prefere to makes jokes and laugh to try and solve it. it dosne't mean it in a bad way. it's just the way he is. i don't usually mind it but when it comes to this he's not helping at all

sorry he sounds like a twat and just trying get you do something he wants you to do. if you are confused the last thing you need is more pressure. he seems like a 14year old immature kid. any decent lad would not make a joke or even concider the taught of you doing it. if he was serious he would be trying to get you not to go off with some one else.

as the others are saying you need to get your own head clear and he aint helping, you just seem be making excuses for him, sorry i am harsh but i am a lad and i know all too well how they think

LegacyUser

My first time posting here but felt like I had to say something regarding this.
In my opinion, you need to figure out what YOU want. Forget about what your boyfriend wants and what your best friend wants for a minute and try to figure out who you want to be with. You can't make these choices based on what other ppl want because you'll just end up unhappy with your lot. If needs be, you should just take a step back from the whole situation and maybe spend less time in the group and just think over this in your head. I think you'll find that if you do this and if you're honest with yourself you'll arrive at a decision fairly quickly. Just my tuppence worth.

Shellie13

Sounds like you've put your boyfriend in an awkward position telling him you like someone else- poor guy's pobably trying to laugh it off as a teenage dream come true!

On the otherhand he's an immature fcuk who sees no better entertainment than wathing his gf act out his fantasies of girl-on-girl. If that's he case dump him- and then decide what you want!

Lou.m

I just want to say sorry if this sounds harsh , your boyfriend is taking advantage of your pain and confusion for his own sexual kicks.Why is your boyfriend pushing you into something you don't want to do because it turns him on? Why is he trying to get you to do something that could potentially hurt you ?

And to be honest he sounds very immature, he does not seem to realize that lesbian /bi relationships are real with real feelings. This is not just sexual experimentation you have said you have real feelings for this girl. It may turn him on but after a while it may dawn on him that he is not the apple of your eye really and that if you had the chance you might leave him.

Ask yourself?

Why are you having feelings for someone else when you are in a relationship what is it you are not getting?

Why did you tell your boyfriend?

If you had feelings for a man how do you think he would react? Would you have told him if you had feelings for another guy?

This is really not that much different.

Guys often think that their girlfriend with another girl is hot but in real life it does not usually go according to plan trust me someone is going to get hurt.

The guy is in an awkward position i am pretty certain he would not feel so ok about it afterwards.

And neither would you.

And have you considered your friend's and her boyfriend's feelings in this how would she feel about knowing your boyfriends plans.

Don't you think she would feel cheap?

What about her relationship?

It does not sound like your boyfriend is the true love in your life, now sometimes for some people this is ok they are happy with just companionship but i think relationships are too complicated and too much hardwork if you dont really love the person and if you really loved him you would not be in this situation.


Now i DO NOT want to tell you what to do or anything but it seems that you are suffering and that should not be the case.

It could be that this will all blow over i don't know.

It just seems to me he does not understand the difference between sexual experimentation and going off with someone else.

And if he doesnt he would be in for a nasty shock if you ever attempted what he suggests.

Also you said that your friend is straight, so it kind of puts a stop to anything like that. ( i know a lot of straight girls fantasise, but she might not feel comfortable with this i mean she is straight and in a relationship)

Anyway stop torturing yourself if you have feelings for her making out with her is not going to make you feel any better when she goes back to her boyfriend afterwards.

Thats the difference YOU have feelings for her for your boyfriend this is just fun.

I dont know how serious your relationship is and what it means to you but maybe you should ask yourself why this guy is not enough.