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Just Came Out

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  • 04-02-2008 11:13pm
    #1
    zuchum
    Registered Users Posts: 500 ✭✭✭


    Hey,

    I just came out to my family, but they were less than accepting, my brothers in particular. Does anyone have any advice/suggestions for someone in my position? I'm 19 and haven't come out to anyone else yet. I'm 19 and haven't come out to anyone else yet. it feels kind of like im not welcome at home any more...

    thx

    Z


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    #2
    azezil
    Registered Users Posts: 11,397 ✭✭✭✭azezil


    Just give it some time, its undoubtedly came as quite a shock to them.
    How was your relationship with them before you came out?


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    #3
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 41,062 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    zuchum wrote: »
    Hey,

    I just came out to my family, but they were less than accepting, my brothers in particular. Does anyone have any advice/suggestions for someone in my position? I'm 19 and haven't come out to anyone else yet. I'm 19 and haven't come out to anyone else yet. it feels kind of like im not welcome at home any more...

    thx

    Z

    Perhaps ring the gay switchboard - http://www.gayswitchboard.ie/

    also perhaps in a couple of days talk to all of your family - tell them how you are feeling - that you don't feel welcome in your own home - ask them do they really really want you to feel welcome

    also are you in college? there may be an LGBT society in your college

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #4
    swiss
    Registered Users Posts: 1,745 ✭✭✭swiss


    Family usually need time to adjust to news like that. Remember that what they thought they knew about you has been turned upside down. As Johnny pointed out, there are people you can talk to if you feel you need to. Also at your age, college LBG societies can be useful in getting you in contact with your gay peers, and depending on the society it might not even matter if you attend the college or not.

    Its probably a tough time for you now, but hang tight, it gets better.


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    #5
    gosimeon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 144 ✭✭gosimeon


    Hey at least you got the first step over and done with - they will get used to it soon I'm sure.

    Me? I'm still in hiding - well sort of! Hope it picks up for you...


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    #6
    CorsetRibbons
    Closed Accounts Posts: 80 ✭✭CorsetRibbons


    Coming out is a very hard thing to do and a lot of people don't realise that. I came out for the first time (my story has a sequel) just when I started college and it didn't go well at all. I came out as bi initially and I was told I had to choose either men or women but I couldn't be with both. I got the STDs schpeil and how I was at higher risk and all this lark. I was told that, I wouldn't be able to have contact with my godchild if I chose to be bi. I was outed via my journal. It was in a bag my sister borrowed. It was shredded to pieces later that night. So I went on my merry way trying to choose which sex to cut from my life. There was no way in hell I was gonna cut women out but I liked men too. It's not an easy decision to make. I really did try to go the straight and narrow but it sent me into a 3-year horrible downward spiral of depression and angst etc.

    I re-exited the closet then when I met my current gf. I came out as a lesbian and my family couldn't have been more supportive. The relief was immense and I felt so happy. I was also so angry because all of the above anger wasn't necessary in the first place. The GF has even stayed over in my house at home, invited by the parents. It's going well. They've accepted me dating women and I feel much happier in myself. They apologised for how they reacted the first time round and those were words I NEVER thought I'd hear.

    Just hang on in there. A lot of people have horror stories to tell. Just stand your ground. Hopefully as time passes, they'll come round to the idea. It could take a short while, it could take something drastic to happen before they realise their priorities. Good luck with it. My fingers are crossed for you, x.


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    #7
    DubArk
    Registered Users Posts: 831 ✭✭✭DubArk


    zuchum wrote: »
    Hey,

    I just came out to my family, but they were less than accepting, my brothers in particular. Does anyone have any advice/suggestions for someone in my position? I'm 19 and haven't come out to anyone else yet. I'm 19 and haven't come out to anyone else yet. it feels kind of like im not welcome at home any more...

    thx

    Z

    My advice is, get out from under you families feet and if you’re still in studies FINISH them but as soon as possible get out and see the world. They’ll clam down and you’ll learn so much more about yourself. Your nineteen, time for a young person to find out what sort of world you can make for yourself. It’s the very fact that you came out is so important, it shows a maturity in you and the fact that your family brought you up stands to them too. Coming out to family is the hardest after that it’s much easier.
    Make sure you plan your move properly and no knee jerk reactions, less drama is better for the long run.
    Im sure you’ll be fine, I came out and left home around your age. At the start it was difficult but you know, me and my family wonder what the problem to start was. They may simply just be worried for you safety in this big bad world and your bothers manhood may possible of been bruised.
    All the best.:)


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