steering

dan_y

it's not angst, it's punctuated
a decimel place away from dead
warm, left blank and neatly plated
a decibel bath for a weary head

the kind of anger that's strangulated
almost molten, boiling and strong
a shining vanguard, miscalculated
designed to protect, designed in the wrong

she persists, never sated
to relent would be too curt
it consists of clever statements
but she is so often hurt

and it's a fault
it's guile, impatience
not worriesome
but it's a fault

and it's contrived
it's wild, convenient
it's not lies
but it's contrived

and she's just right
she's sad, pyschotic
it's hard to tell
but she's just right

and nothing less
but calm happiness
would fix this mess
but nothing less

jesus smith

I likes

buck65

Love the last 4 stanzas, reads like a different poem. Found the previous ones impenetrable.

greatscott

i like this: the theme - the guilt and pain and frustration of seeing pretentiousness in someone you care about - is one that i don't think i've seen anywhere else, and you express it in few words. If i had a criticism, i think you could choose better words in some verses, and some people would find the rhyming a little disjointed.

summer_ina_bowl

i like that the rhyming is a little 'disjointed', it gives the poem a 'rough and ready' feel.