Quickies 2

rocky25

A Chinaman walked into the currency exchange line in a New York bank with
2000 yen, and he walked out with $72. The following week, he walked in with
2000 yen, and was handed $66. He asked the teller why he got less money
than he had gotten the previous week. The lady said, "Fluctuations."
The Chinaman stormed out, and just before slamming
the door, he turned around and said, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"
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One night at the kitchen table a man, who works at a pickle factory, says to his wife
" Honey today at work I had this urge to stick my P~~is into the pickle slicer.
His wife told him to see a psychiatrist.
Three weeks later at the kitchen table the man says to his wife
“Honey they fired me from work today."
The wife replies “I’ll bet it had something to do with that pickle slicer."
The man says “Yeah and I can't believe they fired her to."
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Question: Why are there only 49 contestants in the Miss Black America this year?
Answer. They couldn't find a girl willing to wear a sign that said I-da -ho.
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Confession:
Once, there was a man who was so upset by his past deeds that he decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins.
When he arrived at the church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the pastor.
"Father, I am sinful."
"Yes, son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you."
"Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend,
it’s been 3 years and nothing serious ever happened between us.

Yesterday, I visited her house; nobody was at home except for her sister.
We were alone and I slept with her."
"That’s bad my boy, fortunately you realize your mistake."

"Father, last week I went to my girlfriend’s office to look for her,
but nobody was around except for one of her colleagues,
so I slept with her too."
"That’s not very good of you."

"Father, last month, I went to her uncle’s house to look for her,
nobody was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too."

"Father? Father?"

Suddenly this guy realized that there was no response from the Father,
he walked over and discovered that the Pastor was not there.
So he began searching for him.
"Father? Where are you?"
He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the table behind the piano.

"Father, why are you hiding here?"

"Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except me."
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Trainee and MD:
A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.
On his first day, he dialled the kitchen and shouted into the phone:
"Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded:
"You fool; you've dialled the wrong extension!
Do you know who you're talking to?"
"No" replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, "you idiot!"
The trainee shouted back:
"And do you know who YOU are talking to, "you IDIOT?"
"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.
*"Thank God!" replied the trainee and put down the phone.*

rocky25

A Scottish Love Poem
(Who said Scottish guy's aren't romantic?)

A' coorse ah love ye darlin'
Ye're a bloody tap notch burd.
An' when ah say ye're gorgeous
Ah mean iv'ry single word.

So yer bum is oan the big side
Ah don't mind a bit o flab.
It means that whin ah'm ready
There's somethin' therr tae grab.

So yer belly isny flat nae merr
Ah tell ye, ah don't cerr.
So long as when ah cuddle ye
I cin get mah erms roon' therr.

Nae wummin wha is your age
Hiz nice roon' perky breasts.
They jist gave in tae gravity
Bit ah know ye did yer best.

Ah'm tellin ye the truth noo
Ah nivir tell ye lies.
Ah think its very sexy
Thit ye've goat dimples oan yer thighs.

Ah swerr oan mah grannies grave noo
The moment thit we met.
Ah thocht ye wiz as guid as
Ah wiz ivir goanie get.

Nae maitter whit ye look like
Ah'll aywiz love ye dear.
Noo shut up while the fitba's oan
An' fetch anither beer.

cee_jay

Brilliant!