Quickies

rocky25

I ended up with an older woman at a club last night.
She looked OK for a 61-year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she
probably had a hot daughter.
We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if I'd ever
had a Sportsman's Double.
'What's that?' I asked.
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
I said, 'No' - excitedly.
We drank a bit more, and then she says that tonight was 'my lucky night'.
I went back to her place.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:









'Mum, you still awake?'
_________________________________________________________________

Prince Charles decided to take up jogging.

Every day, he'd jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner.
He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.
"One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout from the kerb.
"No! Five pounds!" He would fire back, just to shut her up.

This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence.
He'd run by and she'd yell, "One hundred and Fifty pounds!"
He'd yell back, "Five pounds!"

One day, Camilla decided that she wanted to accompany her 'husband' on his jog.
As the jogging couple neared the working woman's street corner,
Prince Charles realised she'd bark her £150 offer
And Camilla would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings.
He figured he'd better have a good explanation for his Wife.
As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner,
He became even more apprehensive than usual.

Sure enough, there was the hooker. He tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.
Then, from her corner, the hooker yelled:
"See what you get for five pounds, you tight ba**ard?!"
_________________________________________________________________
A Roman Catholic priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungles in the Philippines where he had spent years teaching the natives, when he realized that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English.

So he took the chief for a walk in the forest in Mindanao.

He pointed to a tree and said to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looked at the tree and grunted, "Tree."

The Priest was pleased with the response.
They walked a little further and he pointed to a rock and said, "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looked and grunted, "Rock."

The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he heard a rustling in the bushes.
As they peeked over the top, he saw a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.
The Priest was really flustered and quickly responded,
"Man riding a bike."
The chief looked at the couple briefly, pulled out his blowgun and killed them!
The Priest went ballistic and yelled at the chief that he had spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied,” My bike."
ENJOY YOUR DAY
And remember to keep off the roads when riding somebody else's bicycle.

Hagar

Very good, the Prince Charles one was the best.

mickrourke

I got to the end of the 1st one and wretched a bit, can't wait till i tell me granny that one. (Will have to be by Ouija Board though, so it may take some time)

Good stuff Rocky