Child discipline . Smacking - Yea or Nay

AckwelFoley

Do you believe smacking kids of any age is a proper form of discipline?

I am very much against it.

Discuss...

Stephen

Yes. Just a smack across the arse like, don't beat the sh1te out of them. I deserved it a few times as a kid!

Tar.Aldarion

I am very much against it.

Discuss...

Rb

Well they have to learn somehow.

Kids don't listen well.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

rb_ie wrote: »

.

Kids don't listen well.

....because aduls are ****ing ****e communicators....

Now someone please spank me for getting suckered into this dbate AGAIN

Pighead

snyper wrote: »

Do you believe smacking kids of any age is a proper form of discipline?

I am very much against it.

Discuss...

Depends.
If you were Pigheads kid=For.
Anybody else=Against.

Fratton Fred

Stephen wrote: »

Yes. Just a smack across the arse like, don't beat the sh1te out of them. I deserved it a few times as a kid!

what he said

vorbis

I would be for it. there is unforunately too much "communication" these days with kids. If your darling 8 eyar old has just broken 2 windows, you don't need to "reason" with him. Why an adult feels the need to justify themselves to a kid I'll never know. A smack on the arse can let them know quickly and simply that what they did was wrong.

Saint_Mel

I agree with Stephen. No harm in reddening the arse of a bold child but not a beating them.
That was the way I was brought up and it did me no harm. Some kids get away with murder because the never get disiciplined and they dont know any different

TPD

I voted 'for' - kids understand a bit of pain a lot easier than the reason their actions were wrong. I dont mean beating the crap out of the kid, just a reddening of the arse as mentioned before. I'd be ashamed if I had a kid who was one of them rude wee cnuts hollering abuse at people cos his parents were too worried to stop him.

AckwelFoley

I dont think there is a reason for it when you can say it instead.

I remember a kid at mass* (about 4) was pulling on his dads leg.. the father turned around after asking him to stop and smacked him on the arm or arse, i cant remember, but wat i do remember is the kid looking up in shock and crying and then huggin his fathers leg, the poor kid felt so betrayed snd didnt seem to know why he was hit. I vowed to never smack a child after seeing that. Ive seen parents that i kno that discipline their kids without hitting them and it works well.


*must be about 15 years ago since i was at mass!!

I'm all for it. However my parents used to use other tactics; they'd use psychological attacks rather than physical. When we were 7 or so, whenever my brother or myself acted up they'd go over to the phonebook, leaf through it and open the page where the numbers of Orphanages would be. She would then dial a number and say, "Hello? Orphanage? I've got 2 boys who wont be quiet" at which point we'd be balling our eyes out begging not to be taken away. We eventually discovered she'd always just ring the automated time system.

Always worked though

Pighead

snyper wrote: »

I remember a kid at mass* (about 4) was pllling on his dads leg..

Wait a second you're saying that you seen a 4 year old kid pilling on his fathers leg? To be fair if any of Pigheads kids start taking drugs before the age of 10 you can be damn sure they'll get the beating of a lifetime.

AckwelFoley

to the phonebook, leaf through it and open the page where the numbers of Orphanages would be

Now thats what im talking about !!!

Pherekydes

Use of an implement I would baulk at, (stick, brushhandle) but slapping (open-handed), kicking, punching, pulling hair, etc. are all fine.

What should be allowed is carry-over slapping. Any unused slapping can be carried over and used against other peoples kids you see misbehaving. I've been saving up for 7 months now.

AckwelFoley

Slow coach wrote: »

Use of an implement I would baulk at, (stick, brushhandle) but slapping (open-handed), kicking, punching, pulling hair, etc. are all fine.

What should be allowed is carry-over slapping. Any unused slapping can be carried over and used against other peoples kids you see misbehaving. I've been saving up for 7 months now.

My mother would use anything she could lift over her head to beat me with.

.. Man that dog fido left bruises on me.

Sugar Drunk

Im for it. A slap now mind not a beating.

I cant tolerate the new parenting ideas of justifying everything to kids and having to reason with them and constantly pandering to their wants. kids have got to learn that they cannot always get their own way. And all this crap about 'oh he is not bold he has ADHD'. Now dont get me wrong there are kids out there who actually do suffer from this but the amount of times you hear it as an excuse is unreal. maybe his boldness has to do with the complete lack of disclipline and all the junk you allow him to eat?

A mate has 2 kids and it drives me crazy. There are no rules. They do not have a bedtime, they go when they like. They are allowed to dictate the TV and tantrums ensue if they cannot watch what they want. The other day he wouldnt eat in the living room as 'I dont let the boys do it so its not fair If I do it'. b**locks. there are different rules for adults and kids and kids should not be expecting the same rights as adults. Theres no concept of money either just 'i want' and tears of they don't get.

you can always spot these kids as they get older as they get a right shock at work and school when they realise the world does not owe them a favour and they cant always get what they want

Its amazing what a good slap on the @rse can fix!!!:D
The mad thing is that if a child knows they will get a slap for misbehaving they learn not to do it in the first place. If a kid got a slap for throwing a tantrum they wouldnt be in a hurry to do it again

AckwelFoley

Sugar Drunk wrote: »

A mate has 2 kids and it drives me crazy. There are no rules. They do not have a bedtime, they go when they like. They are allowed to dictate the TV and tantrums ensue if they cannot watch what they want.

Thats just poor parenting.

Why is it acceptable to smack a kid when they dont do as they're told, yet when a man gives the wife a little tap across the jaw with the back of the hand as a reminder not to forget to clean behind the toilet its frowned upon?

The Real B-man

Ahh Jaysus a slap is mild i used to get hit with the flex off the kettle! Now thats Child Abuse for ya haha no i was a little terror

Peared

What kind of message do kids get when people much bigger and stronger than them inflict pain on them to get them to do their will? And we wonder why there are so many little f*uckers out there.

If you (feel you) have to slap you are a sh*t parent.

Duggy747

I'm for smacking in deserved cases, obviously not in the ol' "Steel boot to the teeth" beating. Me and my siblings got our lashings when we were kids (the odd time with the much-dreaded wooden spoon) but most times it was for bad things we'd done and had deserved, didn't leave me with any Vietnam-like flashbacks or freak-outs when someone raised a hand to me.

The idea of smacking is not to hit them everytime but to deter the little punks from doing something bad again. Reasoning is more-so for young teenagers.

Anyways, I wouldn't always hit my kids...........I'd probably make them dance by shooting my pistol at their feet or chase them with my flick-knife.

Lockstep

My folks used to whack me with wooden spoons.

I soon grew wise and when a smack was incoming, I'd wear a sweater around my waist to lessen the blow.


Sadly my little brother and sister don't get any such nice treatment.




I was an awful child.

themadchef

Oh the good old days, my mother had a "Sally rod". Very rarely got a crack with it but when i did...it stung like a bee.

It was hung over the sacred heart picture in the sitting room great place to put it. She would break into holy chants of "mother of god save me from killing them" lol when i think of it..we were a force to be reckoned with, and really deserved it in hindsight.

There were seven of us and 5 of us were all so close in age it must have been next to impossible for her to keep smacht on us, as she put it. A roar form dad was enough though.

So yes with a capital "Y "from me for slapping (minus the rod tho) just a crisp clean wallop across the cheeks of their arses, only the once (not a hammering).

Helix

Saint_Mel wrote: »

Some kids get away with murder because the never get disiciplined and they dont know any different

no, they know its wrong, they just werent brought up to realise that there were repercussions for them if they misbehaved

TequilaMockingBird

I am shocked. The fact that so many adults here feel they have a right to hit a child is stunning.

If you think there is no other option rather than beat your child, you have seriously fu*cked up rearing that child.

You cannot beat a peadophile, rapist, murderer within the law, but you feel you can a child?

:mad:

Pighead

sueme wrote: »

I am shocked. The fact that so many adults here feel they have a right to hit a child is stunning.

If you think there is no other option rather than beat your child, you have seriously fu*cked up rearing that child.

You cannot beat a peadophile, rapist, murderer within the law, but you feel you can a child?

:mad:

Relax the cacks there Preachy McPreacherson. We're talking about a little slap on the arse here. Whats that got to do with beating up paedophiles! My word such a leap.

Thats like Pighead saying "You people are horrible maggots of society, you think its ok to let our children on sunbeds yet we're not allowed to throw rapists onto bonfires :mad:"

Cianos

Funny that nearly everyone who said that they were slapped when they were a kid also say they were little terrors. Coincidence?

Rb

Sugar Drunk wrote: »

I cant tolerate the new parenting ideas of justifying everything to kids and having to reason with them and constantly pandering to their wants. kids have got to learn that they cannot always get their own way. And all this crap about 'oh he is not bold he has ADHD'.

The ADHD thing is an excuse that is slipping in from the states, over there they think half the kinds have it because their parenting is fcking awful. Parents will pass the blame for their kids behaviour on to anything but themselves and it's an absolute disgrace. Look at the kids who've had weird/bad upbringings who go shoot some other kid(s), the parents will blame whatever they can be it society, music or even video games.

Children do not understand "reason" or feel really feel the consequences if they misbehave, unless they get a bit of a slap. Also, there's thousands of cases whereby one parent disciplines the child, then the other parent will let them off the hook behind their partners back. How is the child to understand then? A bit of a slap will do them absolutely no harm and will teach them that if they do something wrong, there will be consequences that will actually affect them.

TequilaMockingBird

Pighead wrote: »

Relax the cacks there Preachy McPreacherson. We're talking about a little slap on the arse here. Whats that got to do with beating up paedophiles! My word such a leap.

Thats like Pighead saying "You people are horrible maggots of society, you think its ok to let our children on sunbeds yet we're not allowed to throw rapists onto bonfires :mad:"

Such a leap indeed...

If you met me,Pighead and I behaved badly, would you feel you could give me a little slap on the arse?

My point, as you are well aware, is that it is not appropriate to strike anyone, its just not. Much as some deserve a good slap. Striking a child is outrageous.

Dudess

snyper wrote: »

I remember a kid at mass* (about 4) was pulling on his dads leg.. the father turned around after asking him to stop and smacked him on the arm or arse, i cant remember, but wat i do remember is the kid looking up in shock and crying and then huggin his fathers leg, the poor kid felt so betrayed snd didnt seem to know why he was hit.

Well that's a scenario where I'd disagree with physical punishment. The kid might have been getting on his dad's nerves but what he was doing was essentially good-natured and it was very unkind of his father to smack him - that sent really hostile signals out to a child who was only being a child.

sueme wrote: »

I am shocked. The fact that so many adults here feel they have a right to hit a child is stunning.

If you think there is no other option rather than beat your child, you have seriously fu*cked up rearing that child.

You cannot beat a peadophile, rapist, murderer within the law, but you feel you can a child?

Sueme, people are going out of their way to emphasise that they don't agree with administering of child beatings. Where on earth is the above coming from?
I would have no problem with a child getting... not a slap, but a little bit of a nudge now and again when they're behaving obnoxiously. My mate and her boyfriend will deliver said "nudge" to their small fella when he's being rude to his grandparents (who let him away with it) and I think it's perfectly appropriate. As people have pointed out, how can you "reason" with a five-year-old?

That said, while I defend other people, I don't know if I could put a hand to a child myself. I don't even like putting my hand to the dog - well a tiny tip, but that's probably all I could manage with a child. Maybe that's enough though - it's not that I'd want to inflict pain on them, it's more kinda like... you know the way when someone (adult or child) is picking at the party food before the guests arrive and the food preparer goes over and gives them a tiny slap on the hand to stop them from doing any more picking - that's the kind of thing I'm talking about. A "stopping in the tracks" as it were.

Slidey

I'm what most people would comsider an average person i think. 27 now, and have what i would consider brilliant parents. If on the rare ocasions i did something wrong and new at the time what i was doing i got a clip across the back of the head from my mother, the same went for my younger brother and older sister. I believe it did none of us any harm and we had respect for what ws right and wrong.
My younger sister grew up with out this as the parents got soft with her and i often hear her swearing at them and carrying on like the spoily brat that she is..
Think a month under my rules would put her right..
I dont have any kids but i turned out alright and I believe that the threat if a wooden spoon is no harm

RoundyMooney

ADD, among other "modern" ailments, while it does exist, is used far too often as an excuse for bad parenting and learning.

Saying "now Johnny, you can't pull that ladies plate from under her nose while she's trying to enjoy Sunday lunch", or overcompensating with ill placed anger when the red mist descends because you have failed to instruct your child adequately and consistently up to that are equally ridiculous.

I have had to tap my eldest daughter on the leg twice. She's getting on for four. She is also well rounded and well behaved, and will behave appropriately in "quiet" places (churches, restaurants etc.) better than many children twice her age.

It didn't do me any harm, and neither will it her, or her younger sister, if it is ever needed (less if anything, because #1 is already attempting to lead by example).

Some people will blame anything for the ills of the world, as long as its not themselves or their own actions.

Wertz

This old chestnut again.
I say beat the sh*t out of them and let the psychiatrists sort it out later.
Seriously though (and I'm not getting into a debate here), a slap/smack within reason, when appropriate is a necessary tool, when new age stuff like time outs and naughty corners just don't cut it...like it or not, fear and pain in very small amounts gets the point across where no amount of talking does. Obviously there is a fine line that borders on it becoming abusive, but I think if you love your child, as most parents do, the last thing you want to do is hurt them so you'll stay within the boundaries of reason...but that said, not disciplining them could hurt them in other ways.
In the finish up it should be down to the individual parent(s)...I would strongly be against the state telling people how to go about bringing up their offspring. The difficulty though is deciding where discipline stops and abuse starts.

Chinafoot

I will have no problem with a little smack on the arse for serious bad behaviour. I certainly don't agree with beating or with parents who hit their kids constantly. Hitting a child every single time they misbehave will just result in the slap having absolutely no impact whatsoever. I guess it's more about the shock value and letting the child know how serious you in reprimanding them.

Kids will push the boundaries and see how far they can get. A smack on the bum when they seriously misbehave is ok in my book. Never did me any harm.

Terry

Pighead wrote: »

Relax the cacks there Preachy McPreacherson. We're talking about a little slap on the arse here. Whats that got to do with beating up paedophiles! My word such a leap.

Thats like Pighead saying "You people are horrible maggots of society, you think its ok to let our children on sunbeds yet we're not allowed to throw rapists onto bonfires :mad:"

Attack the post, not the poster.

Pighead

sueme wrote: »

Such a leap indeed...

If you met me,Pighead and I behaved badly, would you feel you could give me a little slap on the arse?

slipss

Peared wrote: »

What kind of message do kids get when people much bigger and stronger than them inflict pain on them to get them to do their will? And we wonder why there are so many little f*uckers out there.

If you (feel you) have to slap you are a sh*t parent.

Have to agree with that. Kids should be thought to understand the difference between right and wrong, not thought to fear punishment. Particuarly not corporol punishment because you get to a stage where they are too big to hit and then the threat of punishment is gone. What your left with in alot of cases is teenagers that have very poor judgment in relation to whats moral and ethical, who have been brought up to think that violence is an exceptable way to excerpt control over those weeker than them and who are now left with parents whos primary form of punishment is obselete running around with out a clue how to control their little brats.

My mother ran a creche/playschool for 10 years for kids from 3 to about 8 and never had to hit one of them once. She was in charge of about 10 kids at a time, 5 days a week, several hours a day. I used to help her out every now and again during the school holidays, if a kid did something wrong (broke a toy/hit another kid) she'd sit them down and talk to them, ask them why they did it, explain to them that they ruined the toy for the other kids ect. They all behaved themselves 90% of the time, they never screamed back at her or threw a tantrum and she never had to lay a finger on one of them. Maybe she was doping them up with some sort of mind controlling lolly pops, or maybe it was the fact she took a course in child psychology and attended several parenting style courses in preperation for her opening the creche so that she knew what she was doing instead of just taking the easy option and bullying them with her superior physical strenght as a short term fix, it was one or the other.

Resorting to hitting children is the absalute height of laziness and if you turn around and say "ohh it doesn't matter what you say to little Johnny, the only thing he understands is a smack" then you should have done your job properly earlier on or you should learn to do it properly now.

TequilaMockingBird

I don't see, in this scenario, the difference between a slap, a "nudge" (?) or a beating. It is all physical violence towards a child. I stand by my opinion that if you feel you must resort to striking a child then you have fu*cked up. Badly.

My child is here beside me, and I have explained to her that some people think it is okay to hit a child. She is confused as to why, when she has been taught all her life to respect people, that some would think it is acceptable to hit another person.

Dudess

Well there is a difference between a tiny slap and a beating - whatever the scenario. I know what you're saying: physical violence is physical violence is physical violence, but I'm saying there are varying degrees. A beating is way off the chart extreme and it's not appropriate to place it in the same context as a tiny flick of the hand that barely hurts.

This is directed to non parents who view it as wrong:
Unless you're a parent how can you know whether you'd do it or not though? And I think most reasonable people would only administer a slap as a last resort or in the absolute heat of the moment. Who's to say they don't feel sh!t afterwards either?

deemy

Chinafoot wrote: »

I will have no problem with a little smack on the arse for serious bad behaviour. I certainly don't agree with beating or with parents who hit their kids constantly. Hitting a child every single time they misbehave will just result in the slap having absolutely no impact whatsoever. I guess it's more about the shock value and letting the child know how serious you in reprimanding them.

Kids will push the boundaries and see how far they can get. A smack on the bum when they seriously misbehave is ok in my book. Never did me any harm.

+1. I don't ever remember being slapped as a kid but I was a well behaved one till I hit teens anyhow. If i have kids i agree that a tap in extreme circumstances is fine. My poor boyfriend and his brother were chased with wavin pipes and flowerpots. He has a scar on the back of his head from a flower pot:D:D. But don't forget this was in a different age and they were total tearaways. Plus a lot of it was threating rather than actually hitting. He just got unlucky

littlebitdull

You cant reason with a five year old... maybe not. But you can put them in time out, you can take away their tv time, you can spend quality time with them so they are not
misbehaving to get your attention.

You can indeed disapline children without resorting to violence. Slapping/smacking kids is a release for the parent. Its a way of getting your frustration out. Its not the best way of correcting inapproaprate behaviour. There are better ways.

The better ways are harder, and harder to stick to. Its so so much easier to just smack the child. To then justifiy it to yourself that "sure it never done me any harm..." But in reality it just releases your own anger. Its not the answer.

All it teaches kids is that its ok to be violent.

And yea most of the time as a parent you do feel pretty crap for hitting your child.

Rb

Dudess wrote: »

Well there is a difference between a tiny slap and a beating - whatever the scenario. I know what you're saying: physical violence is physical violence is physical violence, but I'm saying there are varying degrees. A beating is way off the chart extreme and it's not appropriate to place it in the same context as a tiny flick of the hand that barely hurts.

Exactly, and it absolutely baffles me as to why sueme, a supposed adult, cannot differentiate between the terms "slap" and "beating"

Catari Jaguar

Smacking kids will only teach them fear and not wrong from right, and probably make them violent and unable to deal with anger. Physically punishing kids makes them better at one thing; not getting caught.

Supernanny never hits the kids and they are all under perfect control. Nip a situation in the bud when the kid is young, and show them who's boss and what's acceptable and what isn't. Same with school, many primary teachers have really well behaved kids in a controlled classroom environment and NEVER raise a hand to them (or threaten to). You can be firm and set boundaries w/o resorting to violence.

Bad behaviour is learned behaviour, kids don't make themselves spoiled, attention seeking little brats. Too many kids are raised by TV these days and their parents buy their love and turn them into monsters. The parents should be the ones getting slapped!

Toots

I think a slap on the arse or the hand is ok. Sure I got the wooden spoon as a kid and I turned out grand! I think sometimes when kids are having a tantrum and really losing the rag a slap can snap them out of it. However if it's overused it loses it's effectiveness. I got a few slaps as a kid, but tbh, most of the time all my parents had to do was threaten it and we'd behave, but if you keep threatening and never go through with it the kid will eventually work out you're not going to do it and will run rings around you.

There's nothing worse than some bold little st!te who's parents are too afraid to discipline them. When I have kids I'll give them the odd ass reddening if they're acting the b*llocks!

Dudess

Toots85 wrote: »

I think a slap on the arse or the hand is ok. Sure I got the wooden spoon as a kid and I turned out grand!

No you didn't. You seem like an unbalanced loner to me... so it's the wooden SPOON what done it!

TequilaMockingBird

A flick of the hand or a beating. Who measures the strengh of this, if we need to get to the nitty gritty of it. A flick of the hand from an 8 st female, who has lost the rag? A 20 st man who is doing it for peace sake. Or a 15 st man who has had enough??

Violence towards a child is violence towards a child. We can't do it in any other areas of society, why is it okay in this situation?

The violence to the child is not about the physical pain, its the humiliation, the fear, the anticipated fear, the helplessness and the loneliness.

As for "you can't communicate with a 5 year old"? Well I could. Feel free to PM me for any help.

Dudess

There are sadly parents who inflict unthinkable horrors on their children - like http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/gloucestershire/6449027.stm

You are unintentionally trivialising those children's experiences by comparing them to someone like, say, me who grew up in a very comfortable household with a loving family yet got the very odd slap on the hand, leg or arse.

Chong

I agree, it moulds ya!!!!

Obviously I am not saying I think you deserved a slapping

Catari Jaguar

Sugar Drunk wrote: »

A mate has 2 kids and it drives me crazy. There are no rules. They do not have a bedtime, they go when they like. They are allowed to dictate the TV and tantrums ensue if they cannot watch what they want. The other day he wouldnt eat in the living room as 'I dont let the boys do it so its not fair If I do it'. b**locks. there are different rules for adults and kids and kids should not be expecting the same rights as adults. Theres no concept of money either just 'i want' and tears of they don't get.

So these parents never set any boundaries and let the children run the house? The poor kids are so mixed up as to who the parents are and the parents give them whatever they want and make it clear to the child that tantrums work.

My God! The kids deserved to be punished? What other way would they behave in that household?? I think it's being made pretty clear to the kids for their whole lives that this is the status quo and what they are doing is allowed. How will slapping the kids improve this situation?????

What that house needs are RULES. Not slaps. Those parents need to wake up and cop the fcuk on and realise that THEY ARE IN CHARGE, enforce rules and stick to them. Next time a kid wants to do something, try saying a firm "NO". If the kid has a tantrum, just let them and walk off. They'll soon get bored of this when they see it doesn't work and generally feel silly.

And for all you who think "slapping never did me any harm". It did, it taught you that it's ok to hit kids because you can't hack it as parents.

Toots

Dudess wrote: »

No you didn't. You seem like an unbalanced loner to me... so it's the wooden SPOON what done it!

Sob!! That's what my shrink said too, but I'm working through the issues!!:(

Actually in fairness I only got the spoon once, and I'd really gone too far that time. Once was enough tho, the threat of it was enough after! If I'd been my Mum, I'd have used the spoon too!

A friend of mine used to get the slipper, or the belt. And strict as I thought my parents were, they were appauled when they heard about the belt. They both said that when they did have to slap us, they felt horrible about it afterwards. I think some people seem to think parents get some sort of enjoyment out of hitting their child, but anyone who I've talked to about disciplining their child says they feel dreadful if they slap them, but that they honestly felt that the childs behaviour warranted a slap. (let me emphasise slap not a beating)

terrier98045

this violence nonsense is crap, we're assuming the post isn't about beating the livin daylights out of them.....

i reckon one of the biggest problems is that there is no respect for authority amongst children anymore, we've gone too much down the line of "treating them as adults", the fact remains that for generations of children smacking by parents and teachers was taken as a given and generally speaking kids were much better behaved in those days than now.

I'm in favour of a gentle smack from parents to teach the child in extreme circumstances that what they did was wrong