Child discipline . Smacking - Yea or Nay

Lainey

i have two children (16 and 9) and i'd say they only got slapped a couple times each in their lifetimes yet it must have done some good as i rarely had to do it again.. i prefer to use the 'irish mammy' tactics - ''how could you do this to me, your breaking my heart,after all i've done for you. Now put your plate in the sink.' :D:D

The Hill Billy

I voted against slapping. I think that it is a bad thing. That said, I have slapped HB Jr I on the ârse several times. I did it once out of my anger & my frustration at his behaviour & was disgusted with myself. I have slapped him since, but only as a means to get him to "snap out" of a tantrum as I don't believe that it should be used as a punishment.

AckwelFoley

rb_ie wrote: »

No obviously not. It gets phased out and replaced with different punishments as the child gets older i.e no pocket money, not allowed go over to a friends house when they want etc.

Why not use that from from day one?

Because in effect whats happening is that when ppl claim they're not old enough to understand reason such as reward and punishment.. just slap the reason into them instead until they're old enough

Dudess

Baudelaire wrote: »

Kind of explains why I'm such a maladjusted poster huh?

Haven't seen that side to ya to be honest

That's utterly mind-blowing about the hurley and bow being broken on you, keep letting it out if you gotta. It's not surprising that kids who experience abuse like that go on to abuse themselves. It seems however that, considering you don't even approve of tiny slaps after all you've been through, you've managed to break the cycle of violence. I can't emphasise how much respect I have for you on that basis.

Snyper, I get the impression you were dealt some tough medicine as a child too. I don't disagree with tiny slaps once in a while but if you and Baudelaire view them as problematic well then I respect that. And Book Smarts (dude, is he/she from the Bible Belt or something?!) can hardly accuse you of simply taking the "bleeding heart liberal" line.

A racy brainrot wrote: »

My parents didn't have to do anything. My brothers' did it for them. They used to beat the nonsense out of me when I ruined their games, or just annoyed them, those things that younger sisters do.

Sibling abuse really baffles me because in general there are parents there to supervise. Abuse by parents can be hidden since there's nobody to supervise those parents. I don't know your situation but I can't help asking why your parents didn't step in when their daughter was getting the nonsense beaten out of her by her brothers? Maybe you're just talking about a bit of horseplay though - I could be getting it wrong.

AckwelFoley

Dudess wrote: »

Snyper, I get the impression you were dealt some tough medicine as a child too. I don't disagree with tiny slaps once in a while but if you and Baudelaire view them as problematic well then I respect that. And Book Smarts (dude, is he/she from the Bible Belt or something?!) can hardly accuse you of simply taking the "bleeding heart liberal" line.

No, i was fortunate, my mother was simply doing the typical "Mammy" thing and it never seemed to bother me.. I just really like kids, and love their innocence, its what makes them special really

Dave!

Is the wooden spoon still fashionable for mams these days? I never got hit with it but I was certainly chased with it!

Baudelaire

Dudess wrote: »

Haven't seen that side to ya to be honest

That's utterly mind-blowing about the hurley and bow being broken on you, keep letting it out if you gotta. It's not surprising that kids who experience abuse like that go on to abuse themselves. It seems however that, considering you don't even approve of tiny slaps after all you've been through, you've managed to break the cycle of violence. I can't emphasise how much respect I have for you on that basis.

I was lucky, I was eventually hospitalized after a really bad beating from my uncle for falling asleep at the wrong end of the bed and then social services got involved, I was removed from the house for a few years and put into the foster system. It doesn't sound lucky I know but considering the alternative it was definitly what saved me. I'm not really sure why my brother wasn't removed (I was only a kid at the time and didn't really understand the ins and outs) but I think it was because it was my uncle that had beaten me but hadn't touched my brother so it was assumed it was centered around me (which actually it was but that's a different thread) and he'd be safe, he never talks about what happened after I was gone but I know he wasn't. Strangely he'd be of the same opinion as me as regards slaping kids, he has two of his own and is a great father to them and loves them to bits and my parents now are actually really good grandparents, they dote on their grandkids. It can be weird at times seeing them now and remembering them then it's like two different people.

Dudess wrote: »

And Book Smarts (dude, is he/she from the Bible Belt or something?!) can hardly accuse you of simply taking the "bleeding heart liberal" line.

To be honest I'd say book smarts is one of the "I was slapped as a kid and it never did me any harm" group too. It's not really his fault, it's like a cycle where you grow up in fear and awe of your parents and think if they're doing it then any action they take must also be accetable for me to adopt so there's no guilt because "my da/ma did it so it must be OK"

Terry

Lil Kitten wrote: »

LOL at Bambi, very clever. I thought a hand might have come out of the screen and slapped me. Thanks for not doing that Whitewashman.

Although people here all seem to either follow or be punished by the boards banning/ infraction rules which basically are like using warnings, red cards and time outs. so...

If I was close ot some of the people here, I'd kick them for acting the bollix.
I'm hoping to be in either DCU or DIT later this year.
I'll be watching from the computer lab and infractions will be given in the form of a swift kick in the head.

OT, I could have done with a few slaps when I was a kid. It might have stopped me from becoming a complete wanker in my teenage years.

I'd give my own kids a slap, if I had any and if the situation called for it.

All this touchy feely crap is the fault of the hippies. Bunch of good for nothing layabouts who thought they could change the world by handing out daisy chains.

Beating children is wrong, but a light slap on the hand, leg or arse will do them no harm.

I see my friends now and look at how well they have turned out. They were all given a slap in they stepped out of line as children and they are all doing quite well for themselves now.

AckwelFoley

Jesus, im not a hippy.

Sugar Drunk

You cannot reason with a young kid the way you can with an older one. Young kids and animals learn in similar ways - through association. If they grow up with a structured environment and rules they learn that behaving works and that misbehaving will result in a punishment. now that punishment might be not allowed to watch tv, a verbal warning or a small slap. Either way the kid learns not to behave badly. I cant stand this naughty step bullsh!t. do you honestly think the kid gives a damn about having to sit on a poxy step? So what if you tell the kid to sit on the step and they refuse? now what? as for this theaory of 'if they throw a tantrum- let them'. No - see thats where you get these parents allowing a child to throw a tantrum in puiblic and 'ignoring it'. Thats fine for you but not for everyone else that has to witness it. As far as im concerned throwing a tantrum is not acceptable and if a slap is needed to stop it then so be it. My mates kid who threw a strop when the tv channel was changed - to me thats unaccetable.

when I was a kid I knew what was allowed and what was not. i knew that for extreme misbeahving the Da would give me a slap. My brother broke a bed at one stage and got a right slap for it and a grounding. So after that how often do you think me or my brother misbehaved to that extent? thats right, we didnt cos we knew what would happen. What would some of you suggest my dad had done - put my brother sitting on a bloody step for 15 minutes? ridiculous.

I firmly believe that a lot of the kids that grow up to be violent or criminals in later life are those that never saw the consequences of misbehaving as a child so they do not believe their actions have any real consequences for them

Zzippy

slipss wrote: »

Have to agree with that. Kids should be thought to understand the difference between right and wrong, not thought to fear punishment.....

Kids should also be taught the difference between taught and thought, and if they can't learn it, give them a slap!

JIZZLORD

i'm in favour of smacking. my parents would never use any implements etc, and it was always an open handed slap to the arse. And it was always because of something that we done

kids are little ignorant, manipulative, irresponsible b*stards. i should know. i was used to be one.

TequilaMockingBird

Its crap.

If you misbehave in work (like spending the day on the internet!), can your boss give you a little slap?

NOOO!

Dudess

Baudelaire wrote: »

I was lucky, I was eventually hospitalized after a really bad beating from my uncle for falling asleep at the wrong end of the bed and then social services got involved, I was removed from the house for a few years and put into the foster system. It doesn't sound lucky I know but considering the alternative it was definitly what saved me. I'm not really sure why my brother wasn't removed (I was only a kid at the time and didn't really understand the ins and outs) but I think it was because it was my uncle that had beaten me but hadn't touched my brother so it was assumed it was centered around me (which actually it was but that's a different thread) and he'd be safe, he never talks about what happened after I was gone but I know he wasn't.

Jesus Christ...

Strangely he'd be of the same opinion as me as regards slaping kids, he has two of his own and is a great father to them and loves them to bits and my parents now are actually really good grandparents, they dote on their grandkids. It can be weird at times seeing them now and remembering them then it's like two different people.

Wow, you're incredibly forgiving. All I have to go on is what they did to you but it makes me view them as disgusting (sorry if I'm out of line there). Fair fuppin' play to ya.

TequilaMockingBird

I was a little bitch when I was younger, and every now and then I got a belt, but I was still a little brat. Getting a smack with the dustpan brush didn't change my behaviour. I can remember doing something awful and my Mum chasing me round the sofa with a hurley, I was bigger than her (around 14) and laughing because I knew it was daft, I knew I was wrong but Mum chasing me with a stick wasn't going to make any difference to that.

I now have a child of 7, and I know its all ahead of me, but we can talk, my girl and I, and please God, we always can. She's cool, even at this age I know she is. Good kids and "bad" kids, we have no idea where they will end up. Its fingers crossed for the rest of their lives. But I would rather loose my arm than use it against her.

Times have changed. It was acceptable parenting when I was I child, to strike a child. My Mother (the hurley wielding one!) would KILL me (with a.. um..laptop..!) if I laid a finger on my child. Times have changed.

buckieburd

littlebitdull wrote: »

You cant reason with a five year old... maybe not. But you can put them in time out, you can take away their tv time, you can spend quality time with them so they are not
misbehaving to get your attention.

IMO 5 year olds should not be watching TV

Baudelaire

Dudess wrote: »

Jesus Christ...

Wow, you're incredibly forgiving. All I have to go on is what they did to you but it makes me view them as disgusting (sorry if I'm out of line there). Fair fuppin' play to ya.

No not at all, I had a very low opinion of them myself at one stage and ended up staying in an abusive relationship because part of me thought that was the norm but I realised that obsessing would eventually eat away at me and I'd end up as lost as my brother, I see a councellor for a chat once a month now and he's helped me face and deal with alot to the point of this rarely being a topic I need to discuss with him now, I go see him now because it helps to have someone I can just trust to talk about anything (I'm of the opinion that alot of people could benefit if they went and chatted with a councellor regulary). I haven't forgiven them, I never will but I'm able to cope with being around them without getting bogged down with bad memories, I've very little love for them but I don't hate them either I can see now that they were quite young and just dealing with us the same way they were dealt with as kids.

ergonomics

Lil Kitten wrote: »

Supernanny never hits the kids and they are all under perfect control. Nip a situation in the bud when the kid is young, and show them who's boss and what's acceptable and what isn't. Same with school, many primary teachers have really well behaved kids in a controlled classroom environment and NEVER raise a hand to them (or threaten to). You can be firm and set boundaries w/o resorting to violence.

Read this: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/10/02/nsupernanny102.xml

Supernanny's approach isn't fool proof.

Dudess

Baudelaire wrote: »

I'm of the opinion that alot of people could benefit if they went and chatted with a councellor regulary

Definitely. It's so great that you're aware of this for yourself too. I'd bet there are others in a similar boat who don't have a clue how much they'd benefit from counselling.

I can see now that they were quite young and just dealing with us the same way they were dealt with as kids.

Y'see that's such a good point. It's a sad reality. But thankfully you've managed to break that cycle. And your brother has other terrible problems but at least he too has managed to break the cycle where violence and abuse are concerned.

It surprises me though that people like your parents and uncle didn't end up in jail. Was it maybe the time? Less emphasis on child protection maybe. What era did you grow up in? Was your uncle living with your family? (If you want me to shut up about it, just say so...)

Lockstep

sueme wrote: »

When your 3 kids are banged up because someone didn't agree with them, so they hit them a slap, my daughter could be the solicitor who argues that they had such a rough childhood.:)

The arrogance, self righteousness and sheer narrow mindedness of this post made me laugh quite a bit.

TequilaMockingBird

kickoutthejams wrote: »

The arrogance, self righteousness and sheer narrow mindedness of this post made me laugh quite a bit.

I aim to please.

Terry

Tsst.

Pherekydes

kickoutthejams wrote: »

The arrogance, self righteousness and sheer narrow mindedness of this post made me laugh quite a bit.

Yes, her child wasn't brought up properly (i.e. never "corrected" ), so now she makes a living "exploiting" people. For shame.

I wish me and my sisters hadn't been assaulted and beaten around the place, and maybe we could have aspired to having degrees, too.

TequilaMockingBird

Slow coach wrote: »

Yes, her child wasn't brought up properly (i.e. never "corrected" ), so now she makes a living "exploiting" people. For shame.

I wish me and my sisters hadn't been assaulted and beaten around the place, and maybe we could have aspired to having degrees, too.

Pardon?

Pherekydes

sueme wrote: »

Pardon?

Sure, isn't it only people who've never been slapped who can get degrees and become doctors, solicitors and other professional stuff?

Baudelaire

Dudess wrote: »

Definitely. It's so great that you're aware of this for yourself too. I'd bet there are others in a similar boat who don't have a clue how much they'd benefit from counselling.

It's a pity that alot of people see it as a taboo to go talk to a councellor whereas in lots of other countries it's considered strange not to be seeing one. I think it's the whole fear that they'll end up on anti-depressants and such but a councellor is just there to chat, they can't prescribe drugs.

Dudess wrote: »

Y'see that's such a good point. It's a sad reality. But thankfully you've managed to break that cycle. And your brother has other terrible problems but at least he too has managed to break the cycle where violence and abuse are concerned.

It surprises me though that people like your parents and uncle didn't end up in jail. Was it maybe the time? Less emphasis on child protection maybe. What era did you grow up in? Was your uncle living with your family? (If you want me to shut up about it, just say so...)

Well it started when I was about 4/5 and then continued on and off until I was 11 when I was removed, so from about 1977 onwards, child protection wasn't big in those days sure even teachers could still hit you. No my uncle didn't live there, he just use to babysit.

TequilaMockingBird

Em... Yeah, sure Slow Coach.

Read it in context, don't bother scanning through a large thread for a controversial statement and using that as your argument.

I guess your another who is up for the "little smack on the bottom"?

stovelid

The poll is too vague. 'Hitting' can range from a beating to a light smack.

I'm not against parents who give light physical chastisement, but would try and avoid it myself.

Dudess

It's actually scary how few rights children had back in the day... There are those who would argue that the pendulum has swung too far in the opposite direction now though.

faceman

Im totally against smacking a child. Its a symptom of bad parenting. It's violence no matter what you call fluff it up and call it.

Its against the law to hit an adult. A smack in the face is considered assault and would wind you up in court. So why should it be considered ok to smack a child? Children's rights need to be protected.

At what age is it ok to start hitting a child and at what age do you stop? What if a child is disabled? Is it ok to hit a child then? What if they are mentally disabled?

People often say that a gentle smack or within reason is ok. Its still violence. Whats a gentle smack? That definition is open to interpretation. A well built adult male who works building sites each day would give a far different "gentle smack" than perhaps his wife who is a home worker.

And if it's ok to smack a child, then is it ok for someone else to smack your child such as a teacher, a relative, a doctor, a family friend or a garda?

TequilaMockingBird

faceman wrote: »

Im totally against smacking a child. Its a symptom of bad parenting. It's violence no matter what you call fluff it up and call it.

Its against the law to hit an adult. A smack in the face is considered assault and would wind you up in court. So why should it be considered ok to smack a child? Children's rights need to be protected.

At what age is it ok to start hitting a child and at what age do you stop? What if a child is disabled? Is it ok to hit a child then? What if they are mentally disabled?

People often say that a gentle smack or within reason is ok. Its still violence. Whats a gentle smack? That definition is open to interpretation. A well built adult male who works building sites each day would give a far different "gentle smack" than perhaps his wife who is a home worker.

And if it's ok to smack a child, then is it ok for someone else to smack your child such as a teacher, a relative, a doctor, a family friend or a garda?

I agree totally.
But, shockingly, most people don't.

Nevyn

sueme wrote: »

Times have changed. It was acceptable parenting when I was I child, to strike a child. My Mother (the hurley wielding one!) would KILL me (with a.. um..laptop..!) if I laid a finger on my child. Times have changed.

The things is while people may no longer physically discipline thier children a lot of them dont' know how to discipline them at all.

They are lacking in parenting skills due to the fact thier parents did smack them as punishment and you have a lot of brats being brought up as the result.

More modren type of parenting are about setting up a system and laying down ground rules with kids and listening to them and catching a situation before it blows up and someone just don't know how to do this or don't have the time.

There should be mandatory parenting classes for everyone that has a child and they should be done while the child is 3.

Hitchhiker's Guide to...

Smack? Yes [keeps kids calm and happy, gets them used to needles]

Smacking? No [just too cruel]

Sugar Drunk

sueme wrote: »

Its crap.

If you misbehave in work (like spending the day on the internet!), can your boss give you a little slap?

NOOO!

oh for gods sake kids and adults are different. Yes thats right different adults can reason with each other and make their own decisions and are responsible for themselves. Small children cant. Parents have to teach the small kids that life has rules and that in life there will be consequences for misbehaving (be that a tantrum at 2 yrs old or robbing a bank in later life!!).

If you got down on the floor and threw a screaming tantrum in work because you did not get your own way or if you blatantly refused to do what you were told- you would be punished - by getting fired! Naturally your boss cant slap your @rse for it because your boss is nt your parent. theres a great difference between a parent giving a kid a small slap and another adult doing it!

Dyr

faceman wrote: »

Its against the law to hit an adult.

Not really.

Peared

I find it bizarre that people use the "it didnt do me any harm" defense. Just because something doesnt have a lasting detrimental effect doesnt mean its ok. If that was the case then where is the line drawn? Plenty of people recover from being sexually abused without any longlasting effects, does that mean its ok?

Whatever way you describe it you are using pain to try teach a child a lesson. If its only "a little tap" the child will not react. The whole idea is to hurt the child.And the older they get the harder you hit to get a reaction. Why would any sane caring parent want to physically hurt their child? Or any child?

Shows a definite lack of intelligence and parenting skills.

I can find it vaguely understandable that our parents might have done it, it wasnt really questioned before this generation. But as for people doing it now I think its assault.

AckwelFoley

Bambi wrote: »

Not really.

??

You think?

Where do you live?

Dudess

Peared wrote: »

Whatever way you describe it you are using pain to try teach a child a lesson. If its only "a little tap" the child will not react. The whole idea is to hurt the child.

I don't know. A painless but sudden tap will catch the child off-guard and stop them in their tracks.

AckwelFoley

Dudess wrote: »

I don't know. A painless but sudden tap will catch the child off-guard and stop them in their tracks.

So will shouting.

Susannahmia

There is no need to slap imo it is a lazy parenting tool. From watching my very badly behaved cousins I think that the main reason that kids misbehave is because their parents are just too lazy to follow through with punishments. My aunt constantly threatens her kids with a punishment (they would be reasonable ones if they were carried out, eg not being allowed to watch a favourite movie, go to a friends house) but hardly ever bothers to actually follow through. The kids know this and have no respect for her. She slaps them as well but they are immune at this stage. They just laugh at her like it is a game.

I was slapped as a child for any old reason as it was the main form of punishment that my mother used. It definatly did not do my self confidence any favours at all. I associate learning to read with shouting and slaps.:(

Dave!

snyper wrote: »

So will shouting.

Is it not the aggression that most people object to rather than physical contact? I doubt pinching a kid would affect them as much as shouting your head off.

Rb

sueme wrote: »

Its crap.

If you misbehave in work (like spending the day on the internet!), can your boss give you a little slap?

NOOO!

That's because people in work ARE ADULTS.

THEY ARE NOT CHILDREN.

There is a major difference, punishments change as you get older. If you can't understand this, or realise that such a difference does exist, I'd suggest fostering out your own child until they're 18 or so. Then you can treat your child like an adult.

AckwelFoley

DaveMcG wrote: »

Is it not the aggression that most people object to rather than physical contact? I doubt pinching a kid would affect them as much as shouting your head off.

I can only answer for myself.

My father never hit me. My mother did.

When on the rare time my father raise his voice, i bloody hell listened.

I certainly dont object to a raised voive as long as it not the "shut the fcuk up lisa or ur going home" that i heard a mother scream twice at her 4 year old outside xtra vision a few weeks back

Dudess

Tis a difficult one all right. Before this thread I didn't see a problem with parents administering a tiny tip, as a last resort, on rare occasions. And since I'm not a parent I didn't feel I could simply assume that I'd never do it myself. But there are some very good points being made here by the more reasonable anti-slapping posters.

The shouting thing: Hmmm. My mate's boyfriend YELLS at the small fella - absolutely ROARS. I frankly don't feel comfortable at all when he does it. I shouldn't even be hearing it anyway - it's humiliating for the child when someone else is in the room. The kid's aunt has a big problem with it too, as do other friends of his mam. I've seen her give him a little tip once - and it was as a last resort. He was being really, really disobedient, and doing his best to rise her. In the end she gave him the tip. It was so short, no drama, job done. Wasn't exactly pleasant or anything, but to be honest, I'd prefer it to the drawn-out drama of his dad's yelling extravaganzas.

Rb

Sugar Drunk wrote: »

You cannot reason with a young kid the way you can with an older one.

Lol, it has also became apparent that you cannot reason with sueme, or some other posters here too.

Funny that the type of people to go "Oh no! I will never smack a child" are the same ones that are comparing children to adults. Yes, you all go treat your 4 year olds like 25 year olds and see where that gets you. Report back when your children despise you.


I agree with Thaed regarding people who won't physically discipline their children not having a fcking clue how else to do it though.

TequilaMockingBird

Rb Ie, I really find your posts annoying. At this stage I think you will disagree with anything I say, just because I'm saying it. Whatever, crack on.

And your point seems to be now that I should foster out my child to someone who will administer your way of punishment, i.e beat my child.

Grow up.



I

Rb

sueme wrote: »

Rb Ie, I really find your posts annoying. At this stage I think you will disagree with anything I say, just because I'm saying it. Whatever, crack on.

And your point seems to be now that I should foster out my child to someone who will administer your way of punishment, i.e beat my child.

Grow up.



I

Oh you can't read properly now either?

Yes, comparing children to adults is ridiculously easy to disagree with.

My point was that it should be fostered out toi SOMEONE WHO TREATS AND ACKNOWLEDGES IT AS A CHILD, not someone who'll physically discipline it.

Anyway, welcome to ignore and enjoy the rest of your time on Boards.

Dudess

Sueme, he said nothing of the sort and you know it. A lot of your posts are nonsense frankly, and borderline trolling at times. You are entitled to your beliefs on child-rearing but please keep your contributions somewhat constructive.

TequilaMockingBird

rb_ie wrote: »

If you can't understand this, or realise that such a difference does exist, I'd suggest fostering out your own child until they're 18 or so. Then you can treat your child like an adult.

I think you'll find he did Dudess.

TequilaMockingBird

Dudess wrote: »

A lot of your posts are nonsense frankly, and borderline trolling at times. You are entitled to your beliefs on child-rearing but please keep your contributions somewhat constructive.

I find your modding skills nonsense, and borderline trolling and I wish you would keep your contributions somewhat constructive Dudess.