Chat Up Lines

RandolphEsq

''Do you know how I know we're gonna have sex tonight? I'm stronger than you *evil smile*''

''I bet I can kiss you without touching your lips. Close your eyes. (Kiss her). Dam I never was good at winning bets''

gibo_ie

(she has to see you doing this) ..Lick your finger then touch her somewhere safe (shoulder maybe) and say "Lets get you home out of those wet clothes!"

..has been known to work, and shouldnt get you slapped.

Degsy

"Let's not turn this rape into a murder"

RossFixxxed

Degsy wrote: »

"Let's not turn this rape into a murder"

Oh. My. God. You are my new hero. Nearly had coffee coming out my nose.

Dennis the Stone

-Hi Pet, D'ya fancy a f.uck?

-No!

-Well, would you mind lying down while I have one?


Do you like flowers on a piano ? How about tulips on an organ?

b_beep

Kemos wrote: »

Do you like flowers on a piano ? How about tulips on an organ?

lol,


Is that a ladder in your tights or the stairway to heaven?

or offer a drink - roofie colada

rick_fantastic

lets play a game - sit on my face and ill guess your weight.....

or

hows about me and you go somewhere quiet and u can give me a ****...... with your lips...

RxQueen

are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special.



My Love for you is like diarrhoea ... I can't hold it in.


If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole.



You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light
switch away.



Man - Fat Penguin !
Woman - WHAT?
Man - I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.



If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the
afternoon.



Your face reminds me of a spanner, every time I think of it my nuts
tighten up!

Lola123

Stolen from the simpsons movie.......

"So, we finally meet......whoever you are".

doubtfir3

Police! Lie flat on your back and spread your legs...

That's a nice doggy.. can I have its phone number?

How about you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?

Mrs Roy Keane

Your name must be Gillette cause your the best a man can get

Baby, I'm an American Express lover....you shouldn't go home without me!

Help the homeless. Take me home with you.

Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.

Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?

andrew

Are your parents from Iraq?

Because I think you're the bomb!

Dennis the Stone

"How about you ignore the alarm bells in your head and come back to my horrible little flat and engage in what just might be the most disappointing penetrative intercourse of your life"

Drift

Gay chat up line:

May I push in your stool?

thelordofcheese

Hey, would you kids like to come with me?

lolipops

thelordofcheese wrote: »

Hey, would you kids like to come with me?

.... you are giving them sweets right?

bitemybanger

Is that a ladder in your tights or is it a stairway to heaven.......... SLAP

thelordofcheese

lolipops wrote: »

.... you are giving them sweets right?

Of course, what kind of monster do you take me for?

I always give my victims sweets

Big Ears

thelordofcheese wrote: »

Of course, what kind of monster do you take me for?

I always give my victims sweets

Your not going to rob their shoes are you ?

chuci

did it hurt?
what?
when you fell from heaven?

fat polar bear!!!!!
what???
just wanted to say something that would break the ice.

is your name gilette
why?
because you are the best a man can get.

is that a ladder in your tights or a stairway to heaven?


as long as you dont steal their shoes you are not a bed person thelordofcheese

helimachoptor

gibo_ie wrote: »

(she has to see you doing this) ..Lick your finger then touch her somewhere safe (shoulder maybe) and say "Lets get you home out of those wet clothes!"

..has been known to work, and shouldnt get you slapped.

Really good!

Also my head is a weighing scales sit on my face and i'll tell you how slim you are!

longshanks

Degsy wrote: »

"Let's not turn this rape into a murder"

thats the second time someone stole that line on me

daauneal

and if all the above lines fail, then try this .

"Look! I might not be the best looking bloke here, but I'm the only one talking to you"

Big Ears

daauneal wrote: »

and if all the above lines fail, then try this .

"Look! I might not be the best looking bloke here, but I'm the only one talking to you"

But if all the above lines failed then that would of been used once ...........is it the type of line that needs to be used continuously until the other person realises that no one else is going to talk to them at any point ?

panda100

God this reminds me I watched this god damn awful show on VH1 last night called the pick up artist.
http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/uploaded_images/DBMystery-756377.jpg
That guy is called 'mystery' and is the best pick up artist in the world.Look at the feckin state of him!

I was in coppers one night texting on my mobile and this guy came up to me and said' Are you speak easy or ready to go?' .I thought that was quite funny!

jesus_thats_gre

stevoman wrote: »

"do you wanna go halves on a bastard???"

Genius!!

Something along the lines of this "I lost my teddy, will you keep me company tonight?"

seraphimvc

they call me a wolf.wolves like to bite.can i bite ya?

*gently kiss*does that hurt?

fiddlesticks

Can I've a 68?
What's a 68?
It's where you give me a blowjob and I'll owe you one.

Any chance of a jump?

The Chessplayer

whatsgoinon wrote: »

brilliant, i'd marry a man if he said that to me!!!:D

What if he was a big ugly boring smelly bastard?

The Chessplayer

seraphimvc wrote: »

they call me a wolf.wolves like to bite.can i bite ya?

*gently kiss*does that hurt?

Probably a good idea that some of the posters here stay living on the virtual side of things. Only a total minger would fall for any of these desperate chat-up lines!

wow sierra

Kemos wrote: »

"How about you ignore the alarm bells in your head and come back to my horrible little flat and engage in what just might be the most disappointing penetrative intercourse of your life"

:):):)

About the only one that might work in the real world....

Mrs Roy Keane

doubtfir3 wrote: »

How about you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?

Wazdakka

Ya know, you dont sweat that much, for a fat chick....

Tabnabs

Can't belive no ones poted that all time classic "How you doin?"

failing that;

Here's fifty cents, call your mother and tell her you've pulled!

*damn I'm smooth* :cool::p

Aisling(",)

is that a ladder in your tights or a stairway to heaven?

are you jamacian?because your jamacian me crazy

was your daddy a baker
-because youve got a nice set of bun/because youve more rolls then a spar

nice legs when do the open

I hope you know cpr because you just took my breath away

Duggy747

You're so sweet you give me a toothache *cringe*

Mirror, mirror, on the wall......Jean Claude VAN DAMN you're fine!! *slap*

Are you tired? Cuz you've been running around my mind all day!! *knee to the bollox*

Is your father a thief? Cuz he must have stolen every star in the sky and hid them in your eyes!!

*Check the tag on the back of her top*
Her: "What are you doing??"
You: "Just checking if you were made in heaven!"

*SSSSSSSSSMMMMMMMMMMMACK!!!*

A-Trak

Guaranteed success.

Man - *pointing over her shoulder* "Hey isn't that Heath Ledger over there?
Girl - *Looking over her shoulder* "Huh.......no you ugly cretin!"
Man - *introduces rohypnol into girls glass*
Girl - *After drinking said beverage "Bleurgh isst mnaiia......."
Man - "Hmmm, you look tired, lets get you home"

antodeco

Rofl.

Although now he's dead, wont really work. Thats why you bring a pocket taser gun...

'Ol Jack Chance

i got a car boot full of lime wanna come up the wicklow mountains?

Capt'n Midnight

talking_walnut wrote: »

Just came across it 2 mins ago. New Scientist ran a competition for the nerdiest chat up lines a while ago. I'll try n root them out later.

Would there be any resistance if I asked to take you ohm?

I don't wish to brag, but in several parallel universes I invented the internet, warned the world about global warming, ran for president and won the Nobel peace prize.

Er... hello... um... er. Oh look! Our shoes have similar spectral characteristics.

Meiosis?

I've had my ion you.

Baby, you must be a start codon because you are turnin' me on.

I need a seed for my pseudo-random number generator - could I have your phone number?

"Hi, I'm Bob - you must be Alice. You haven't changed a bit."

Your universe or mine?

Hello, did you know that I've invented calorie-free chocolate, and I've got some back at my place?

You're so sweet I am developing insulin resistance.

As a quantum physicist, the moment I observed you I determined that we were heading to your place or mine.

Of all the bars, on all the planets where conditions support intelligent, bipedal, carbon-based life forms...

Hello, I'm Doctor Frankenstein - and I've got a monster!

Forget what they say about butterflies, I think that you could whip up a storm just by fluttering your eyelashes.

Looking at you, creationists may have a point after all.

seraphimvc

The Chessplayer wrote: »

Probably a good idea that some of the posters here stay living on the virtual side of things. Only a total minger would fall for any of these desperate chat-up lines!

lol!!did that practically worked on ya?

btw,this is reality,time to pull off your plug mate:D

back on topic:

is there anyone really get to pull a girl by merely saying:hi hun,fancy a shag?

please tell me cause' you'll be my new hero...:)

Black Swan

"Hi... Want to?"







*Someone actually tried that on me the other day...

Ghost Train

Blue_Lagoon wrote: »

"Hi... Want to?"







*Someone actually tried that on me the other day...

did it work?

... and well do you want to? again

GerryRyan

Jaysus love - you've a grand set of child-bearing hips there ... ya durty bitch

Overheal

How heavy is a Polar Bear's poo? Enough to break the ice.

Jesus Wept

GerryRyan wrote: »

Jaysus love - you've a grand set of child-bearing hips there ... ya durty bitch

Did you use that one on Mrs Ryan?

Clogher

Thats a good one:)

panda100 wrote: »

God this reminds me I watched this god damn awful show on VH1 last night called the pick up artist.
http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/uploaded_images/DBMystery-756377.jpg
That guy is called 'mystery' and is the best pick up artist in the world.Look at the feckin state of him!

I was in coppers one night texting on my mobile and this guy came up to me and said' Are you speak easy or ready to go?' .I thought that was quite funny!

javaboy

3 words. I AM GAY.

She'll be all over you like flies on shyte. They can't resist trying to fix gay guys. It's like a challenge to them. I've seen somebody actually use this and it worked.

If you're a wimmin, the same thing works on guys as long as you're not wearing dungarees.

Sunset V

Is your father a baker?

No?

Strange coz you've got lovely buns..

askU

Fancy a cup of tea and a rattle..