Trying to conceive/Planned parenthood/Assisted Reproduction Chat thread.

whatdoicare

Bubbaloo and DFT, so sorry to hear your sad news - sending you hugs through the internet.

DetectivFoxtrot

thanks everyone. It's been a tough few weeks I can tell ya but I think I'm coming out the other side now (just about). Still heartbroken but sure such is life.
I started counselling yesterday. Not sure how that will go but I'll give anything a chance at the moment.
OH and I have booked a holiday and we are heading off on Wednesday week so that's something to look forward to
We are going to ttc immediately but all au naturel for a few months, I don't even want to think about IVF *shudder
We also need to book in with our clinic for our 'wtf (what the ****??) review' ... that's what I call it anyway......

dublinlady

DetectivFoxtrot wrote: »

thanks everyone. It's been a tough few weeks I can tell ya but I think I'm coming out the other side now (just about). Still heartbroken but sure such is life.
I started counselling yesterday. Not sure how that will go but I'll give anything a chance at the moment.
OH and I have booked a holiday and we are heading off on Wednesday week so that's something to look forward to
We are going to ttc immediately but all au naturel for a few months, I don't even want top think about IVF *shudder
We alsoe need to book in with our clinic for our 'wtf (what the ****??) review' ... that's what I call it anyway......

A weeks holidays is a great idea - take tune to yourselves and talk and hug. I don't blame ya for not being ready to go straight for the IVF now but I think it's good to try again casually, even just for the intimacy and relaxed approach without so much pressure. I really hope u get some answers at your 'WTF' meeting ( that should be the official name!)
Huge hugs, xx

dublinlady

My heads all over the place.... Fertility monitor has been saying high fertility for 4 days now. Still no period. But no fertile cm either.
Been feeling tired last few days - put it down to lack of sleep with the baby.
Today had complete emotional meltdown and felt queasy. Did first response - faint line... I just don't believe it tho although feel like crap so would explain. It took almost yr and half last time so I feel this is too good to be true. Also I stupidly had tough back physio session at weekend thinking I was only about to ovulate so wouldn't matter - obviously no clue cos no cycle at mo. oh I don't know., I just don't have any faith in it and think it will be gone before it even turns dark.
Sorry - I do feel stupid for whining on this thread. I know I'm lucky to even have this possibility - pls know I'm not taking it for granted. I'm just hormental and upset cos I feel if there is anything ( anyone!) there I've hurt them already know and from what I've seem that sort if physio can cause miscarriage.
Sonething had to be up - I refused a glass of wine at the weekend..
It's awful but I feel like I've lost this one already.
Sorry for all the ramblings!

carolinespring

Ok, if you don't want to be depressed then don't read this post.

It's angry, painful and pityful and that is only the start of how I feel today. I want to hit, slap, kick out, scream, shout until I drop down with no energy. I am so F&$%ing angry at the world and its mother.

Normally I am calm and the voice of reason, thats the f&%%*ng problem NO REASON why I don't have my baby, now bloody reason at all.

I don't normally go why is this happening to us, I normally think well, its also happening to lots of other people and yes, it it but today I don't for once care. That sounds nasty and yes it is and deep down I do care, of course I do but I don't want togive a S&*&E at the moment. I just want to feel and release my pain.

Today I want to know why me. Why on Saturday 25th Aug 20002 ,I was due my first child. I was slim, healthy, ran 10k 4 times a week, ate well, worked hard and was madly in love with the man who would become my husband, the love of my life. The man I now see hunting so badly, the man who is so amazing but yet for the first time since I met him I don't want to see tonight. Not because I don't love him, I do with with my total being. I just don't want to see the hurt on his face. I don't want to comfort each other.I don't want to tell each other it will all work out when it might never. I just don't want to have to deal with it. I love my husband so much, he is my earth, moon and starts. He is the rason the sun rises i my world. Odly he is the oe person I wish I could take away from this mess, to not have him fee the pai he feels, the loss, the shoulda, coulda, woulda things.

I just want to lash out and say nasty things to anyone, to my friends, to the people I work with to hurt, to make them feel bad. Just as I feel at this very moment.Of course I wont!! I am not totaly insane.....yet... Saturday will come and go and then we will go back to a bearable level of pain that lives with us always, the angry woman will leave and I will reture to the normal sane person I normally am, but today I just want to be mad, sad, angry, spiteful, wicked, rotten to be allowed to feel the pain I have for my lost babies. I tried to count how many and I got as far as 14 but I can't remember for sure and for that I am thankful. I am thankful that only 4 dates have stuck in my mind, thankful that my mind could not cope with the rest.

Please don't suggest counselling, we did that and it was great and my Husband is thinking of it again. I will be fine once this date is gone... 10 years is a hell of a lot of time and to think I should have a 10 year old is mind blowing. 10 years is mega. What are 10 year olds into? What would mine be into? What kind of party would I be arranging, would we be fighting over music to loud, what they wanted to watch on tv( everyone else does...) What would our life now be like........... I guess i will never know but for now allow me to think of what should have been. !0 years hits hard, its a lot of years, its also double figures. Other dates hurt but not as much as this one... why.... because it's 10 years and that is massive.

I am so aware that my next birthday is my 40th and time is not on my side. If we don't have our longed for child then we will deal with that then but for now I want to chuck plates at the walls, not my nice one so maybe a trip to the pound shop is in order.

Ladies don't worry about me, I really am fine, just mega, massive ranting and raving and it has helped. It's never just the loss of a baby, its the loss of all your dream, hopes, wishes and love for that baby form the very second you know it's inside you.

I really wish we had a fourm for long time TTC'er. This form is great but us long timers need more. One for just us. Mods have a think about that please.

All my love

Carolinespring xxx

barbiegirl

Dublinlady, chin up, you are currently pregnant, accept it and enjoy it. Fingers crossed it's a little sticky bean. Big smiles on my face thinking you could have gotten there so easily this time. Remember every positive is hope for the rest of us.

Lucyfur

Caroline, massive massive hugs to you. Be angry. Go break plates (FYI, ceramic plant pots against the back wall are also brilliant and you can walk away from the mess and deal with it another time). Shout, roar, scream. Do what you need to do. I will be home just after 8 tonight, you are very welcome to call down if you want to xxx

And yes, a long term TTC forum is needed. It's wonderful seeing people come in here and graduate to the pregnancy forum 1, 3, 6 months later and of course all the long termers are delighted for them but it's hard to deal with at times.

barbiegirl

Caroline big hugs, this is one hell of a journey for you
I haven't updated on me for a while as I've been trying to make sense of what the docs are telling me. Essentially Doc Boyle doesn't believe the surgeon and he wants a 2nd opion with Dr Alasam which I have agreed to. We are meeting Dr Alasam after our hols in mid Sept. The deal is that if he can't unblock the tubes (if they are blocked) then he will remove them to aid with IVF, as blocked tubes can leak unpleasentness into the womb and interfere with IVF. This is the only reason I am agreeing with this approach as it doesn't disrubt the IVF leg of the journey. In the interim Dr Boyle has put me on hormones and he says to get going trying to see what happens. He believes we can get pregnant and that the hormones and tablets etc will help us hold. So now I am on peak plus 7, just had my blood tests this morning and am mid way through my 2ww.
I'm confused, tired, stressed, hormonal, spotty and just want to be in my bed. But lets see what happens.Fingers and toes crossed Doc Boyle is right and surgeon is wrong. Dr's fallible never :rolleyes:

yellow hen

Caroline, Barbie and Lucyfur, I dont want to patronise you because I dont know what you are going through or how you feel. All of you have been such a help to so many people on here and have been selfless with your advice and good wishes to all the newbies who come on this forum. This is your time now, so do whatever you need to do and throw a little wobbler from time to time. From the bottom of my heart, I wish you every happiness and ease of mind in your lifes, whether that is with or with without the longed for families.Whatever the future holds, I hope it's happy for you and your OH's.

xx

Neyite

Caroline, I welled up reading that post. I wish I could hug you, you have been through so much and endured more than anyone should, so get angry, roar, shout and do what you need to do. Plates against the back wall like Lucyfur suggests sound like a great plan. And you know that if you are in my neck of the woods I'm always up for meeting for a cuppa.

Dublin Lady, I know you are not feeling it today, but congratulations to you on your positive . Maybe this one came along so easy because it took so long the last time.

stickybean

Jesus Caroline, I am here in tears reading your post, I can only begin to imagine how hard it has been on you and your husband, life can be such a b!tch at times. You deserve to have a wobble every once in a while. To be honest I am always amazed how strong you are in your posts after everything you have been through.

I came on here one day having a whinge and a moan and read a post by you, kind of lifted me, as i'm sure your posts have, to many people here. I do hope you feel better soon, but until then you feel free to smash all the dishes and eat all the ice cream you can fit in. Genuinely my thoughts are with you x

yellow hen

dublinlady wrote: »

My heads all over the place.... Fertility monitor has been saying high fertility for 4 days now. Still no period. But no fertile cm either.
Been feeling tired last few days - put it down to lack of sleep with the baby.
Today had complete emotional meltdown and felt queasy. Did first response - faint line... I just don't believe it tho although feel like crap so would explain. It took almost yr and half last time so I feel this is too good to be true. Also I stupidly had tough back physio session at weekend thinking I was only about to ovulate so wouldn't matter - obviously no clue cos no cycle at mo. oh I don't know., I just don't have any faith in it and think it will be gone before it even turns dark.
Sorry - I do feel stupid for whining on this thread. I know I'm lucky to even have this possibility - pls know I'm not taking it for granted. I'm just hormental and upset cos I feel if there is anything ( anyone!) there I've hurt them already know and from what I've seem that sort if physio can cause miscarriage.
Sonething had to be up - I refused a glass of wine at the weekend..
It's awful but I feel like I've lost this one already.
Sorry for all the ramblings!

hi DL, forgot to reply to this earlier. Sounds promising although I can understand your frustration! Keep us posted and we'll keep things crossed for you!

bubbaloo

Congrats DL - it is impossible to relax and enjoy it but fate is beyond your control. Please god everything will be perfect!

Caroline, where do we begin? We are also 10 years on this road. Out first loss was on 16th Aug 2002. After 3 years and another loss we went to Napro. After another 3 years and three surgeries (minor and major) we got very very lucky. We have an amazing little boy. I know that for those 6/7 years I felt exactly as you describe above. I wanted the world to end because it wasn't worth living if we couldn't have our babies.
As soon as I felt strong enough we decided to try to give our boy a sibling. I didn't feel the same way this time. The pressure was off, the sense of utter despair and longing was gone because our boy filled that void.

So, two years and two more surgeries later (major again) we got pregnant. Then as I posted last week, we lost him at our 13 week scan and buried him last Tuesday. All the feelings you describe above are back now. The anger, the hurt and the questions... Why why why? I can understand how you don't want to see your dh tonight. To see a man in such pain is unnatural. But he is probably the only person on earth who knows how you feel today. Ten years is a lifetime. I have a nephew who is 9. He was born three days before my first due date. Every time I look at him I wonder what our baby would have been like. You are not alone but I know that is no help to you. I tell myself very often that "this too will pass" and sometimes that's gets me through - knowing that I won't feel this way forever.
I agree us long-timers need a separate thread. The joy of every bfp here is a pleasure to share but the bitter sweetness of the long timer needs to be shared also. Smash plates (nice to see you still had a sense of humour mid rant .. Not the nice ones!!) and hug your hubby and cry and scream all you want. Life is indeed a big fat b***h!! X

DetectivFoxtrot

Caroline - I don't know where you get your strength from, you are my inspiration, truly. Your post wasn't depressing; you are angry and hurt and I feel your immense pain through your words. You are always here for the rest of us and we are all here for you my love.

Barbiegirl - best of luck with the IVF, I have everything crossed for you and your OH. I recommend you get a book on IVF on Amazon, as the clinics give you the bare minimum of info. I thought I was going mental til I realised my reaction to all the hormones was kind of normal (well almost normal - I had a bit of a heghtened reaction - like I do with all fert. meds :rolleyes: )

eh DL - feeling hormental, queasy, tired. You are soooo knocked up!
When will you test again? I am a POAS pusher! (P1ss On A Stick!)

DetectivFoxtrot

bubbaloo wrote: »

Life is indeed a big fat b***h!! X

^^^^ This times a gazillion, billion


HATING life right now, and I don't mind admitting it. I started crying whilst brushing my teeth yesterday morning, BRUSHING MY TEETH! I mean, wtf?? I wasn't even thinking about stuff.
By the way I learned that it's very difficult trying to brush your teeth and having a full blown wail. The mess was messy.....

Ms2011

Biggest Congrats DL, definately sounds like you should be rooting back out those maternity clothes :-)

Good Luck with the IVF Barbiegirl, I have a friend going through it at the moment & it's been prettt rough on her, my fingers are crossed for both of you that you get the outcome you so wanted & deserve.

Caroline I've never wanted to give someone a hug so much in my life.
I still have the PM you sent me when I got my BFP, it meant so much, I can't imagine the strength it would have taken to send.
If anyone has the right to kick out at the world it's you so don't ever feel bad for that.
Please, please take care x

Neyite

I think a separate chat thread for Assisted Reproduction & Long Term TTC would be a good idea too. Its a very different journey once the medical specialists get involved, it becomes more serious. What used to be an exciting time for a couple becomes tense, stressful, and a whirl of medical jargon.

I was lucky that exactly a year after first visiting my GP for a fertility referral I got my BFP, but even then, it was really hard to see others "graduate" from the thread while I was stuck here with yet another despised period. I cannot imagine how much harder it would have been if I'd had recurrent losses, or progressed to the likes of Napro or IVF/ISCI.

Once I get my period (whenever it deigns to grace me with its presence) and I know when my cycle starts then we are going to try again. I'm excited about the prospect of another child, but dreading the whole TTC (not the actual ridey bit) lark of peeing on sticks, getting hopes up, having them dashed, etc. But like Bubbaloo above, it probably wont be as stressful as it was the last time around - we have accepted that if we dont manage to have any more, we have been very lucky regardless as we are blessed with our little one.

flopflips

Hi ladies, I'm new to this forum, but feel I need to be around some going through the same thing and u all seem to be so supportive of each other and think I need this at the min. We have been trying to conceive for going on four years now and just about to embark on ivf after being stuck in the public system for the last two years. At the min we are unexplained but I'm convinced there is something up with me. So far we have tried 6mths clomid, and am currently doing accupuncture. Anyways just wanted to join the thread and hopefully we can all support each other xx

stickybean

hey flipflops, you are very welcome, the girls here are great, best of luck xxx

carolinespring

Welcome flipflops.

Great support here. The girls are amazing.

Well, its now the 26th August and I am so glad to see the end of the 25th. Having said that it went off fairly ok. Got my nails done yesterday evening, hair done this morning and we went to visit my folks and out for dinner with them this evening. Good to kep busy. Felt fine for most of the day but a little sad at times. It was good to get the meld down over early in the week.

We are back to our consultant next month and I have booked to see my GP on Monday. Just want to have a chat with hime and see if he can get my bloods checked ahead of our appointmentnext month.

We have decided to start trying again from when we go on holidays, not in a planned way but just a when we are in the moon for some lovin kind of way. Just not going to use any birth control. Can't keep putting it off any longer. See what happens and keep it relaxed. I am very aware about the big 40 looming. Fingers crossed this is our time.

dublinlady

carolinespring wrote: »

Welcome flipflops.

Great support here. The girls are amazing.

Well, its now the 26th August and I am so glad to see the end of the 25th. Having said that it went off fairly ok. Got my nails done yesterday evening, hair done this morning and we went to visit my folks and out for dinner with them this evening. Good to kep busy. Felt fine for most of the day but a little sad at times. It was good to get the meld down over early in the week.

We are back to our consultant next month and I have booked to see my GP on Monday. Just want to have a chat with hime and see if he can get my bloods checked ahead of our appointmentnext month.

We have decided to start trying again from when we go on holidays, not in a planned way but just a when we are in the moon for some lovin kind of way. Just not going to use any birth control. Can't keep putting it off any longer. See what happens and keep it relaxed. I am very aware about the big 40 looming. Fingers crossed this is our time.

Hi caroline ,
Glad you got through yesterday. I think it's good to allow yourself a specific day to grieve and be sad and remember your little angels, helps you to move on a bit I suppose, you'll always have them with you.
Very best of luck with the consultant and G.P. when's your holiday? Well deserved - enjoy every second - and the relaxed approach to "trying" - you've said so many times - its the strength of the two of you as a couple that has gotten you through the last ten years - celebrate your strength and solidarity - that in itself is something solely made out of true love, with or without little ones, x

carolinespring

dublinlady wrote: »

Hi caroline ,
Glad you got through yesterday. I think it's good to allow yourself a specific day to grieve and be sad and remember your little angels, helps you to move on a bit I suppose, you'll always have them with you.
Very best of luck with the consultant and G.P. when's your holiday? Well deserved - enjoy every second - and the relaxed approach to "trying" - you've said so many times - its the strength of the two of you as a couple that has gotten you through the last ten years - celebrate your strength and solidarity - that in itself is something solely made out of true love, with or without little ones, x

Thank you so much for your kind words DL and how true you are. Holiday not until October and feel we both need a break. Just want to chill out with my man.

Feel so much better today, like that dark cloud is lifted from our shoulders.
We are deciding if we will just go out for dinner this evening, hit the pub for one to many... or stay in with a take away. The pub is really pulling me right now. Few a few vodka's would do the world of good.

How are you feeling DL, have you told anyone that you are up the duff again? So trilled and delighted for you. I think if you have a hard time getting the first that a lot of the time karma stops and says this time should just be easy.

DFT. Hope you are having a amazing holiday... no envy here......NOT!!!

Barbie... what can I say, you keep me sane!!

Lucy, Thank you so much. We will have a cofee over the next couple of week.

Neyite, you are a star!

Ms 2011. thanks for all the support.How are you getting on?

Bubbaloo ((HUGS))

SB xx

To everyone, thank you for the messages, texts, PM's it means the world to know others are behind me and all of us. Girls aren't we a great bunch.

C xxx

DetectivFoxtrot

carolinespring wrote: »

...Girls aren't we a great bunch.

C xxx

Sure we are my love, a lovely bunch altogether!

bubbaloo

carolinespring wrote: »

Bubbaloo ((HUGS))

......Girls aren't we a great bunch.

C xxx

Right back at ya ;-) glad you got through yesterday ok. I always find the build up to landmark dates is much worse than the day itself. You so deserve your holliers so enjoy every minute.

Welcome flopflips! !

Well I'm just waiting for af to show up. It will be my first since our loss so I don't know when it will come but I have all the pmt symptoms and a bit of spotting so any day now I suppose. It's something positive that we can get back in the saddle!
We're a bit pi**ed off after seeing our Napro doc on thurs. He went through a load of stuff with us and has changed my drugs and I'm having some extra tests done on my thyroid and adrenal gland. All good but I can't help feeling he should have gone all this 2 years ago or even 8 months ago after my last surgery and then we mightn't have suffered what we had to go through last month. I can sort of see the logic in sticking with what we did when we had our little boy but I'm older and things change. Anyway I could spend months being cross about it or I could just count my blessings and get on with it!
Hope you're all having a nice Sunday.

stickybean

Thread is gone very quiet the last day or so, so how is everyone?

I am waiting to O, I have been using Agnus Castus this month CD17 so far, getting some mild lines on the OPK's so hopefully I will O the next day or two. Loads of sex this week!!!!!

I have been taking cough syrup as well, a friend of mine who is a nurse told me about it, said i'd give it a try. I don't normally seem to have a lot of noticeable CM, and OMG, the cough syrup is making a difference.

whatdoicare

stickybean wrote: »

Thread is gone very quiet the last day or so, so how is everyone?

I am waiting to O, I have been using Agnus Castus this month CD17 so far, getting some mild lines on the OPK's so hopefully I will O the next day or two. Loads of sex this week!!!!!

I have been taking cough syrup as well, a friend of mine who is a nurse told me about it, said i'd give it a try. I don't normally seem to have a lot of noticeable CM, and OMG, the cough syrup is making a difference.

Heya stickybean, what's this about cough syrup? Never heard of that one. Good luck with your baby dancing, have my fingers crossed for you

I'm having a weird time of it - I'm on CD 49, so according to my charts I'm about ten days later than my average cycle and 5 days later than my longest cycle. Every test I do says negative. I don't know what to think

Boobs have been killing me for the last three weeks, I feel bloated and knackered tired and I feel sick all the time - like all the time. Don't know what's going on TBH.

stickybean

"Cough syrup can help you get pregnant by thinning your cervical fluid, which enables sperm to travel through your cervix and fertilize an egg."

It has to be an expectorant cough syrup. Now it is kind of an old wife's tail, but I don't have a lot of CM normally, took a 2 spoonfuls yesterday and 1 this morning and there is loads of CM every time I use the bathroom,might be a coincidence, but has been working for me so far (fingers crossed)

stickybean

whatdoicare wrote: »

I'm having a weird time of it - I'm on CD 49, so according to my charts I'm about ten days later than my average cycle and 5 days later than my longest cycle. Every test I do says negative. I don't know what to think

Boobs have been killing me for the last three weeks, I feel bloated and knackered tired and I feel sick all the time - like all the time. Don't know what's going on TBH.

Oh I know how you feel, I had a 55 day cycle last month (my norm is 30-32) maybe give it a few days and retest - the dreaded TWW

whatdoicare

stickybean wrote: »

Oh I know how you feel, I had a 55 day cycle last month (my norm is 30-32) maybe give it a few days and retest - the dreaded TWW

I've never had a 55 day cycle before, I don't know how you didn't crack up! I'm gonna wait till Friday to test again and if no dice, I don't know what I'll do, I suppose I'll have to consider giving the doctor a call.
Must give a thought to the cough medicine remedy if there's gonna be a try again next time situation.
Keeping the fingers crossed that by the weekend I'll know either way.:)

Goodne

Hi all, haven't posted in ages been trying to forget about the whole trying thing really. 10 years married next week so that makes it 9 years trying & nothing to show for it. It must be silly season for cycles at the moment! Mine are normally quite regular, turn up on time & fairly heavy straight away. Got my period yesterday 3 days early & yesterday & today its only really light spotting; hardly think they were there at all if it wasn't for the back pain. I want to get day 3 bloods done again, do you think tomorrow would be day 3? Should I count yestrday as day 1 even thought it was only a bit of spotting?