Trying to conceive/Planned parenthood/Assisted Reproduction Chat thread.

barbiegirl

Big hugs Caroline we all go there and you are no bitch.

Neyite

carolinespring wrote: »

This is the post that I am going to sound like a total bitch and to be honest I feel like one.

I have just spoken to my very best friend in the whole world. She was always my rock and one of only 2 people who knew our story. She had a almost 21 year old, 14, & 11 year old. She has just told me she is expecting baby number 4.

I am sitting here on the sofa with my heart breaking, totally breaking. I have cried so hard I got sick and if I am totally honest I really hate her at this very minute. It just feels so unfair. It was unplanned. I know I am being nasty but that is how I feel now.

Of course every time I hear a friend is expecting I feel envy but can always wish them well and mean it but this time I just feel so angry. So bloody angry. I know how hard it must have been for her to tell me and to tell me so early. I did the whole "I am so happy for you, how are you feeling" thing and she told me my wishing her well means the world to her but inside I hate her right now, of course I have the cop to know that I don't really hate her. I love her to bits but she is getting what I want so badly.

I really feel this has broken me, the final straw. Of course I want my baby not my friends but finding it hard now.

I am going to go make a cup of tea and calm down. I know that in time I will be happy for her but just now I can't I feel to much envy and heartbreak.

Caroline, tomorrow you can be the best friend in the world to her, but tonight you need this sweetheart. Rant, cry, do whatever you need to do. Lots and lots of hugs.

whatdoicare

Oh Carolinespring, I don't think there's one woman on here that hasn't felt exactly the same as you! I really hope you don't let it get you down but in the same breath have your cry and get it all out. This is your pain and you get to feel it and there's not a thing in the world wrong about it!

I've had many evenings of tears when a relative or friend has announced, I've even said some really nasty things in private to my hubby about these poor women that I don't mean at all!! Shocking things!:eek: Next day I pick myself up and feel silly for even thinking these things but that's the nature of these feelings. You either let it all out no holds barred or let it consume you!

I've just had an evening recently of tears and chocolates for something as stupid as my mom joking that I need to get a move on and start my family when my brothers partner announced they were planning baby no2. None of them realise we've been trying since before brothers' baby no1 was even conceived!

I put on the brave face with the smiles and jokes (my usual being that I've ordered one on ebay!) but about five minutes into my car journey home I was in tears. My poor hubby cycled down to the shops and came back with a huge box of choccies for me.


I feel much better now and I know I'll be myself again tomorrow but I needed to have my cry and you need yours now.

Huge hugs from me and know that I've all my fingers and toes crossed that soon you'll get your happy news

angeldelight

Caroline - I hope you're feeling a little bit better after a day or two xx

CD34 for me and no sign of anything happening. Fertility Friend has predicted my time of the month for Wednesday so we'll see what happens. I don't have a "normal cycle" as this is my first after coming off the pill. I've had some good news career wise and we've decided it makes much more sense to put off TTC for a year, as this time next year we would be a lot more financially secure and well on the way to having the deposit for a house. At the minute I've no regular work and surviving on hubby's salary alone is a bit of a challenge. I've the potential of a full time job in my ideal place at great money in January and I just hope it doesn't fall through. I'll be going back on my pill once I get my period but even with all that a little part of me hopes we've conceived a lucky baby on this cycle...

kitolove

hi everyone am so nervous didnt knw wer to start from....am in my early 30s and ve being trying 4 a baby for da pass 9 months and just started using clomid last month.Am a regular 28days and rite now am on my third day of taking the clomid for this month,but I dnt know wen to ve sex so two days after da last clomid I started having sex everyday for da next one week or more.......hope am doing da rite thing......thanks

stickybean

Ah Angeldelight, that's great about the job news, fingers crossed for you pet xxx And PG you got lucky on you last cycle, and sure if not when everything else falls into place junior will arrive x

Hi Kitolove, welcome to trying to conceive. Generally having sex every second day is enough around the time of ovulation as sperm lives for 48-72 hours. Doing it anymore can be fun but not necessary.

We have be TTC for over a year now, our doctor said to take a couple of months off (while we wait for our appointment with the fertility specialist) and just have sex when we feel like it. So we are not tracking this month - it's going to be hard. But looking forward to relaxing over Christmas

kitolove

Hi Stickybean,thanks 4 welcoming me and the advice....I think every second day is great because the every day thing is getting into me and its beginning to put me off........what is TTC pls

stickybean

Sorry, TTC = Trying to conceive

Just another thing to bear in mind, we started the "have to have sex every two days" and we ended arguing all the time, I used to dread going to bed, starting to feel like a robot, I just got so sick of sex on demand, so although you do need to keep it regular, try to keep the love and fun there too x

ILoveToast

Hi, I'm new to this forum.

I lost my baby 4 weeks ago, I was 36 weeks gone. It was my first pregnancy.

I feel absolutely devastated but I want to start trying again.

I'm planning on waiting for a couple of months to let my body recover after the pregnancy. I'm 36 and am worried I'm that odds are against me, this is one of the reasons why I do not want to wait too long.


I'm feeling very worried that something will go wrong this time again. Everything looked great all along my pregnancy and we do not know why things went wrong in the end.
I guess I'm posting here to get some opinions about trying again and if my age will be a factor when trying again.

barbiegirl

Ilovetoast I am so sorry and you have my deepest sympathy. Don't try til you are emotionally ready and don't rush that. Your age affects some women's fertility, not others. You have been pregnant so can get there hopefully the doctors will come back to you with a reason for your devastating loss. Your emotional health will have a bigger effect than an extra six months waiting before you try again. Allow yourself to grieve because it is so hard. Big hugs

ILoveToast

barbiegirl wrote: »

Ilovetoast I am so sorry and you have my deepest sympathy. Don't try til you are emotionally ready and don't rush that. Your age affects some women's fertility, not others. You have been pregnant so can get there hopefully the doctors will come back to you with a reason for your devastating loss. Your emotional health will have a bigger effect than an extra six months waiting before you try again. Allow yourself to grieve because it is so hard. Big hugs

Thank you for your reply.
I think both myself and my partner are mentally quite strong. Of course this has been the hardest thing either of us ever been through.

I do feel I want to start trying as soon as possible.
I'm just quite confused about hos long we should wait. Google seem to have turned into my worst enemy...
I was told in the hospital that there is no need to wait at all, but when I read online, it seem to be suggested to wait at least 2 cycles.
One of the reasons seem to be down to that it'll be easier to 'date' the pregnancy, the other is that there is increased risk of mc if you try too soon.

barbiegirl

Ask your doctor about the physical aspect. My understanding for earlier mis-carriages is that you don't have to wait at all and it has no affect on whether you carry to term or not. This is what the hospital told us. However I don't know that this is the same with a still birth you need to trust the doctors. Never trust Google for medical advise

ILoveToast

barbiegirl wrote: »

Ask your doctor about the physical aspect. My understanding for earlier mis-carriages is that you don't have to wait at all and it has no affect on whether you carry to term or not. This is what the hospital told us. However I don't know that this is the same with a still birth you need to trust the doctors. Never trust Google for medical advise

I have an appointment made with my doctor for next week, so I will bring this up again. Oh I know, it's just hard not to google, even to read about other peoples experiences.

Lucyfur

ILoveToast, my sympathies to you and your partner

To lose at and stage of pregnancy is horrible but to lose at 36 must be just awful, xxx

I was encouraged to wait 6 months after my last loss, but that advice varied from doctor to doctor. Most said around about 6 cycles.

ILoveToast

Thank you Lucyfur and I'm sorry to hear about your loss as well.
It definitely hasn't been easy, but life has to go on....

I wonder why the advice vary so much between doctors. As I mentioned, when I delivered my stillborn son the doctor told me that there was no need to wait at all. Still, my period has not started yet, so I want to wait until my cycle is back on track at least.

Lucyfur

ILoveToast wrote: »

Thank you Lucyfur and I'm sorry to hear about your loss as well.
It definitely hasn't been easy, but life has to go on....

I wonder why the advice vary so much between doctors. As I mentioned, when I delivered my stillborn son the doctor told me that there was no need to wait at all. Still, my period has not started yet, so I want to wait until my cycle is back on track at least.

Can I ask if you had a natural delivery? My god, than must have been horrendous for you......

If you did, and bearing in mind that I'm not doctor, I don't see why you couldn't go ahead and try again whenever you are ready. There are many, many people who have a 10/11/12 month age gap between their kids.

ILoveToast

Lucyfur wrote: »

Can I ask if you had a natural delivery? My god, than must have been horrendous for you......

If you did, and bearing in mind that I'm not doctor, I don't see why you couldn't go ahead and try again whenever you are ready. There are many, many people who have a 10/11/12 month age gap between their kids.

I did and it was the worst thing I ever been through. I was told during a scan that there was no heartbeat, I was given a pill to suppress my hormones and then sent home for 2 days..... Then I went back in to the hospital and went through a natural delivery.

I know, but I'm confused by the different messages people get from doctors. I'm not looking for medical advice btw, I'm more wondering about others people experiences with trying again after a loss.

Lucyfur

ILoveToast wrote: »

I did and it was the worst thing I ever been through. I was told during a scan that there was no heartbeat, I was given a pill to suppress my hormones and then sent home for 2 days..... Then I went back in to the hospital and went through a natural delivery.

I know, but I'm confused by the different messages people get from doctors. I'm not looking for medical advice btw, I'm more wondering about others people experiences with trying again after a loss.

I can't imagine the pain of having to do that.

After one miscarriage, I was told I could try again straight away by one doctor. Another told me to wait one cycle and a nurse told me to wait 3 cycles.

My last loss was ectopic, which required surgery that opened the uterus, so that's why I was advised to wait at least 6 cycles.

Definitely discuss it with your doctor, I *think* a huge amount depends on how you are physically and emotionally.

ILoveToast

Lucyfur wrote: »

I can't imagine the pain of having to do that.

After one miscarriage, I was told I could try again straight away by one doctor. Another told me to wait one cycle and a nurse told me to wait 3 cycles.

My last loss was ectopic, which required surgery that opened the uterus, so that's why I was advised to wait at least 6 cycles.

Definitely discuss it with your doctor, I *think* a huge amount depends on how you are physically and emotionally.

It gets confusing when you get different advice like that....
Yes, I think when you have to have surgery they would definitely recommend to wait longer.
I agree, I think it's a question of when you 'feel' ready to try again, one of the reasons why I do not want to wait too long is because of my age though.
At least I know I can get pregnant, so I'm hoping that it will happen again and that it will turn out a lot better this time.

Lucyfur

ILoveToast wrote: »

It gets confusing when you get different advice like that....
Yes, I think when you have to have surgery they would definitely recommend to wait longer.
I agree, I think it's a question of when you 'feel' ready to try again, one of the reasons why I do not want to wait too long is because of my age though.
At least I know I can get pregnant, so I'm hoping that it will happen again and that it will turn out a lot better this time.

I'm hoping this for you too

Don't stress about your age too much. Many, many, many women are having kids a little later in life. I don't think it's a big a taboo now as it was years ago.

ILoveToast

Lucyfur wrote: »

I'm hoping this for you too

Don't stress about your age too much. Many, many, many women are having kids a little later in life. I don't think it's a big a taboo now as it was years ago.

Thank you:)

stickybean

Oh Ilovetoast, I am so very sorry to hear about your sad loss, my thoughts are with you and your partner, how very sad your precious little angel was taken so soon.

I would say if you both feel strong enough, start trying when it feels right for you.

I'm not sure what your original circumstances were (by that I mean were you TTC for a long time), but I know every month when I get my period it wears me down thinking what might have been, not saying it would be the same for you, but I would give myself a little time to build yourself emotionally and physically back up.

I wish you the very best of luck for the future pet xxx

ILoveToast

stickybean wrote: »

Oh Ilovetoast, I am so very sorry to hear about your sad loss, my thoughts are with you and your partner, how very sad your precious little angel was taken so soon.

I would say if you both feel strong enough, start trying when it feels right for you.

I'm not sure what your original circumstances were (by that I mean were you TTC for a long time), but I know every month when I get my period it wears me down thinking what might have been, not saying it would be the same for you, but I would give myself a little time to build yourself emotionally and physically back up.

I wish you the very best of luck for the future pet xxx

Thank you. It was just a real shock when everything looked so good all along. This was not a planned pregnancy, I was on birth control at the time. Tbh I never thought I would even have children.
At this stage having a baby is all I can think about.

I am worried it will take long to get pregnant again(again more because of my age), as you mentioned, I can imagine it would definitely wear you down.

stickybean

ILoveToast wrote: »

Thank you. It was just a real shock when everything looked so good all along. This was not a planned pregnancy, I was on birth control at the time. Tbh I never thought I would even have children.
At this stage having a baby is all I can think about.

I am worried it will take long to get pregnant again(again more because of my age), as you mentioned, I can imagine it would definitely wear you down.

Well when you guys feel up to it start trying again. But make sure to take time for yourselves you have both been through a lot. As you are 36, if you are trying for 6 months without success your GP will refer you to a fertility specialist. But sure you can cross that bridge IF it come to it.

It would be helpful when you get back to your regular cycle to take note of cycle length, if you choose you can monitor your ovulation through using temping (monitoring your temperature each day to work out when you ovulate), using OPK's (ovulation prediction kits) or keeping an eye on your cervical mucus. This can help IF the is any future issues in trying to conceive. But right now I wouldn't even be thinking of that.

I don't by any means want to bombard you with information at this stage. And the fact that you got pregnant whilst on birth control would say there isn't any obvious issues and you are both fertile. Best of luck pet xxx

ILoveToast

stickybean wrote: »

Well when you guys feel up to it start trying again. But make sure to take time for yourselves you have both been through a lot. As you are 36, if you are trying for 6 months without success your GP will refer you to a fertility specialist. But sure you can cross that bridge IF it come to it.

It would be helpful when you get back to your regular cycle to take note of cycle length, if you choose you can monitor your ovulation through using temping (monitoring your temperature each day to work out when you ovulate), using OPK's (ovulation prediction kits) or keeping an eye on your cervical mucus. This can help IF the is any future issues in trying to conceive. But right now I wouldn't even be thinking of that.

I don't by any means want to bombard you with information at this stage. And the fact that you got pregnant whilst on birth control would say there isn't any obvious issues and you are both fertile. Best of luck pet xxx

Thank you for the information, it's very much appreciated. As you said there doesn't seem to be a fertility issue, so fingers crossed it will work out better this time around.

Neyite

ILoveToast, I'm so sorry for your loss

Don't focus on age - I'm 37 and plan to have one (or even two) more if I can. I was 37 giving birth to my baby and not a single doctor/nurse/midwife mentioned my age as any factor. Even when we were getting fertility treatment (I think I had lazy ovaries that needed a bit of a kick-start) it was never mentioned as an issue.

Ms2011

I agree age doesn't need to be a factor, I have a friend who is 38 & 13 weeks pregnant with her longed for IVF baby, my SIL is 6 months pregnant also & she is 40 & will be 41 when her 2nd baby is born. My own mother had me at 37 so if you feel you need to take some time before you start trying again you certainly have that option.

Best of luck whatever you decide x

ILoveToast

Neyite wrote: »

ILoveToast, I'm so sorry for your loss

Don't focus on age - I'm 37 and plan to have one (or even two) more if I can. I was 37 giving birth to my baby and not a single doctor/nurse/midwife mentioned my age as any factor. Even when we were getting fertility treatment (I think I had lazy ovaries that needed a bit of a kick-start) it was never mentioned as an issue.

Thank you, it's much appreciated.
I think it is just what I mentioned previously, that I have been googling a little too much lately. All I seem to find is that your fertility will decrease a lot after the age of 35.
I know I don't have a problem with getting pregnant so I hope it will be fine.
I know I will be super nervous all through it if I get pregnant again.
Even though my baby wasn't planned, it was very much wanted.

Best of luck to you as well!

Ms2011 wrote: »

I agree age doesn't need to be a factor, I have a friend who is 38 & 13 weeks pregnant with her longed for IVF baby, my SIL is 6 months pregnant also & she is 40 & will be 41 when her 2nd baby is born. My own mother had me at 37 so if you feel you need to take some time before you start trying again you certainly have that option.

Best of luck whatever you decide x

Thank you, all these stories does make me feel a lot calmer

barbiegirl

Hi guys thought i'd give you a quick update from my hospital bed. I now have two, yes two open tubes and no endo! It's not the end of the journey quite yet, I can now get pregnant but I need two more ops to ensure we can hold onto it. One next month to remove a fibroid and a second in February to fix a septum. Seemingly when my womb was forming it didn't do so properly and at the join I have a septum which would disrupt any pregnancy. I'd never be able to carry to term with it. This will then be the final op allowing us to get pregnant and hold onto it. It's been a very long journey but it looks like we're about 12 weeks from the end.

Never be afraid to get a second opinion and if anyone needs contact details for my miracle worker let me know.

yellow hen

barbiegirl wrote: »

Hi guys thought i'd give you a quick update from my hospital bed. I now have two, yes two open tubes and no endo! It's not the end of the journey quite yet, I can now get pregnant but I need two more ops to ensure we can hold onto it. One next month to remove a fibroid and a second in February to fix a septum. Seemingly when my womb was forming it didn't do so properly and at the join I have a septum which would disrupt any pregnancy. I'd never be able to carry to term with it. This will then be the final op allowing us to get pregnant and hold onto it. It's been a very long journey but it looks like we're about 12 weeks from the end.

Never be afraid to get a second opinion and if anyone needs contact details for my miracle worker let me know.

Oh barbiegirl, I never thought you'd be glad to be in hospital but in your case, you must be thrilled to finally have answers and solutions. Good luck with the rest of your journey and the healing. Smaller issue but after getting two large cysts removed, we managed to get pregnant so I am a firm believer in medical assistance. Sometimes, our bodies just dont get it right on their own!

Good luck x