Trying to conceive/Planned parenthood/Assisted Reproduction Chat thread.

Lucuma

llambert wrote: »

Thanks I'm in at half 9 will have fingers and toes crossed. Off too bed now but think sleep will bring hard to come by!

Keep doing whatever your doing, whatever gets you though x x

Good luck today Lambert, let us know how you got on x

llambert

Lucuma wrote: »

Good luck today Lambert, let us know how you got on x

Home now resting on the couch. Had 3 really good embryos so 2 went in and one is been frozen as back up. Hopefully things will work out.
Feeling more positive this time than last time I only had one ok quality embryo to transfer.
Had to decide between one or two but the consultant thought it was worth a chance with two. Would love if both survived but would be delighted with a positive test in 2 weeks regardless.

angeldelight

llambert wrote: »

Home now resting on the couch. Had 3 really good embryos so 2 went in and one is been frozen as back up. Hopefully things will work out.
Feeling more positive this time as last time I only had one ok quality embryo to transfer.
Had to decide between one or two but the consultant thought it was worth a chance with two. Would love if both survived but would be delighted with a positive test in 2 weeks regardless.

Fingers crossed for you x

bobskii

Delighted it went well . fingers crossed xx

Lucuma

That's great news Lambert! Please god they'll be sticky beans. Fingers crossed for you!

TomeeTipee

I'm out for another month. Another short cycle with a short luteal phase it seems.

Just wondering have any of you ladies told many people about your problems trying to conceive? We haven't told anyone & are very private in general but I'm finding it tough going at the minute. Was listening to my mum & sister earlier going on & on about various people we know who are pregnant at the minute & I just wanted to tell them to shut up & stop talking about it!! I sometimes wonder would I be making it easier on myself if we just told them.

Lucyfur

TomeeTipee wrote: »

I'm out for another month. Another short cycle with a short luteal phase it seems.

Just wondering have any of you ladies told many people about your problems trying to conceive? We haven't told anyone & are very private in general but I'm finding it tough going at the minute. Was listening to my mum & sister earlier going on & on about various people we know who are pregnant at the minute & I just wanted to tell them to shut up & stop talking about it!! I sometimes wonder would I be making it easier on myself if we just told them.

I don't hide it. Now, I don't go round singing it from the roof tops either but I don't see the point in keeping it to myself. I'm newly married so obviously I've been asked a billionty times if I'm pregnant yet. Sometimes I smile and give a polite ''no, not yet'', other times I'll launch into a detailed account of miscarriages, d&c's, ectopic, vaginal scans etc

My close family and friends know and I wouldn't have it any other way They're super supportive and some are even in the same boat

llambert

TomeeTipee wrote: »

I'm out for another month. Another short cycle with a short luteal phase it seems.

Just wondering have any of you ladies told many people about your problems trying to conceive? We haven't told anyone & are very private in general but I'm finding it tough going at the minute. Was listening to my mum & sister earlier going on & on about various people we know who are pregnant at the minute & I just wanted to tell them to shut up & stop talking about it!! I sometimes wonder would I be making it easier on myself if we just told them.

We didn't tell anyone for awhile and my husband would prefer if we told no-one but understands that I just don't work like that so even though his family don't know as they wouldn't be very supportive and have big mouths, my mum, sister and a few close friends know.
We kept the reasons why we need ivf to ourselves but once I told who I needed to tell they were extremely supportive. I'm lucky that even though lots of people ask me about having a baby my family and friends never did.
My OH is very supportive but he's still a man and can never understand completely how I feel so that's where my support network come in.
Don't tell your mother and sister just to shut them up. Tell them if you feel they can give you that support. Even though it doesn't change your situation sometimes a mammy hug is just what you need.
I hope if you do tell they give you lots of love and support x x

llambert

Lucyfur wrote: »

I don't hide it. Now, I don't go round singing it from the roof tops either but I don't see the point in keeping it to myself. I'm newly married so obviously I've been asked a billionty times if I'm pregnant yet. Sometimes I smile and give a polite ''no, not yet'', other times I'll launch into a detailed account of miscarriages, d&c's, ectopic, vaginal scans etc :

My close family and friends know and I wouldn't have it any other way They're super supportive and some are even in the same boat

LOL I'll love to be that brave but would never get it out! I'm always tempted to ask them something really personal but only get around to it in ny head. One day though I'll stick it to someone.........hope its my mother in law!!!

Lucyfur

llambert wrote: »

LOL I'll love to be that brave but would never get it out! I'm always tempted to ask them something really personal but only get around to it in ny head. One day though I'll stick it to someone.........hope its my mother in law!!!

Do it!! The look on their face is soooo worth it

llambert

Lucyfur wrote: »

Do it!! The look on their face is soooo worth it

Well I'll wait for the results of this transfer. Please God I can give them a silent 2 finger salute in my head.

Lucuma

Funny you should ask, just told my mammy this morning actually that according to the test results we can't have kids (naturally), she was fairly taken aback, maybe even didn't believe me a little bit (well to be fair, my OH does have 2 he made earlier, I'd say most people wouldn't believe my story). I told her that I'm getting my bloods rechecked before making any definite conclusions about myself.
She suggested I use the Billings method to pin-point ovulation. Googling it now....

Main reason I told her is coz I want 1 person in the family to know what I'm going through it feels like a silent support in group conversations about babies and pregnant family members etc just knowing that 1 other person knows.

llambert

Lucuma wrote: »

Funny you should ask, just told my mammy this morning actually that according to the test results we can't have kids (naturally), she was fairly taken aback, maybe even didn't believe me a little bit (well to be fair, my OH does have 2 he made earlier, I'd say most people wouldn't believe my story). I told her that I'm getting my bloods rechecked before making any definite conclusions about myself.
She suggested I use the Billings method to pin-point ovulation. Googling it now....

Main reason I told her is coz I want 1 person in the family to know what I'm going through it feels like a silent support in group conversations about babies and pregnant family members etc just knowing that 1 other person knows.

Great now that you have the support of your Mam. Must look up that billings method myself never heard of it. My mother is always ringing me now about things she heard on the radio, its kind of funny!
Was wondering why you had said early about your OH thinking he was the most fertile can in Ireland but I understand now!

llambert

Lucuma wrote: »

Funny you should ask, just told my mammy this morning actually that according to the test results we can't have kids (naturally), she was fairly taken aback, maybe even didn't believe me a little bit (well to be fair, my OH does have 2 he made earlier, I'd say most people wouldn't believe my story). I told her that I'm getting my bloods rechecked before making any definite conclusions about myself.
She suggested I use the Billings method to pin-point ovulation. Googling it now....

Main reason I told her is coz I want 1 person in the family to know what I'm going through it feels like a silent support in group conversations about babies and pregnant family members etc just knowing that 1 other person knows.

Great now that you have the support of your Mam. Must look up that billings method myself never heard of it. My mother is always ringing me now about things she heard on the radio, its kind of funny!
Was wondering why you had said early about your OH thinking he was the most fertile can in Ireland but I understand now!

TomeeTipee

llambert wrote: »

We didn't tell anyone for awhile and my husband would prefer if we told no-one but understands that I just don't work like that so even though his family don't know as they wouldn't be very supportive and have big mouths, my mum, sister and a few close friiends know.
We kept the reasons why we need ivf to ourselves but once I told who I needed to tell they were extremely supportive. I'm lucky that even though lots of people ask me about having a baby my family and friends never did.
My OH is very supportive but he's still a man and can never understand completely how I feel so that's where my support network come in.
Don't tell your mother and sister just to shut them up. Tell them if you feel they can give you that support. Even though it doesn't change your situation sometimes a mammy hug is just what you need.
I hope if you do tell they give you lots of love and support x x

Thanks. I actually know that my mum & sister would be supportive if I told them, I suppose I've just found it hard to say it out loud for some reason. My husband would be like yours - doesn't want to tell anyone & definitely not his family so I suppose that sort of put me off telling mine. Think I'll try to work up the courage soon

llambert

TomeeTipee wrote: »

Thanks. I actually know that my mum & sister would be supportive if I told them, I suppose I've just found it hard to say it out loud for some reason. My husband would be like yours - doesn't want to tell anyone & definitely not his family so I suppose that sort of put me off telling mine. Think I'll try to work up the courage soon

Just be prepared for lots of tears, probably from you!! Thought I had accepted but when I had to say it out load, cue buckets of tears.
If you know they'll be great then I think you should tell them. Its an awful road so support is great. I know my Mam and sis have got me through and we can have a laugh believe or not.

stargirl.gra

TomeeTipee wrote: »

I'm out for another month. Another short cycle with a short luteal phase it seems.

Just wondering have any of you ladies told many people about your problems trying to conceive? We haven't told anyone & are very private in general but I'm finding it tough going at the minute. Was listening to my mum & sister earlier going on & on about various people we know who are pregnant at the minute & I just wanted to tell them to shut up & stop talking about it!! I sometimes wonder would I be making it easier on myself if we just told them.

Every person from here from timbuktu knows my situation. Not a secret to anyone in this world. It raises lots of good conversation as you'd be surprised when you open up to people how many have their own stories they keep secret. I just feel it helps nobody keeping these things secret. People still tell me to relax and it'll happen even when I've explained that up until October I had 2 things wrong with me but these people will never really hear anything you say to them. My response to the word relax is- I actually find it really offensive (I just use the word offensive for dramatic effect, that seems to catch peoples attention). I then say by telling me to relax you are insinuating that the reason I am not pregnant is down to me, down to something I'm doing wrong and that's really offensive! almost like it makes you out to be the perpetrator rather than the victim (of basically bad luck in the fertility dept.).I even said to one girl in college the other day "put it to you this way. You have three kids at home and a husband who works away from home all week. You are having massive difficulty getting college work down, you feel like your sinking and don't know where you will find the time to do you essays and study for exams. RELAX." I then asked her was she relaxed? she just laughed, saw my point.
But anyway I digress. Like I can't say I have found a negative to the world and its mother knowing everything. I mean I'm back on clomid for instance and last month boy was I down for the five days I was taking it, now I mean really down. First time I had that side effect! but that led to me crying in the canteen in college (I actually cried 5 days in a row and that is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not me!oh but not 5 days in a row in the canteen lol :P) so like if the girls I sit with didn't know my situation I would have been lying to cover my tracks or bottling it up and feeling more awful. My brother also announced that weekend that his wife is pregnant but because they know she even said to my sister that she feels like we deserve it more ( I think it's horrible that she feels that way) but I guess a knock on effect from that was that I wasn't ready to even look at her for a couple weeks and that was ok. We all knew where we stood and nobody fell out with anybody you know. And just one last example on this little essay of how not holding these things as secrets helps.... when my dad died in June well even preceeding that I had felt under pressure to get pregnant so he could meet my children. Then he died and my first thought was this is terrible he'll never meet my children. I was able to say this out loud to the rest of my family before and after his death and cry about it and cry with them about it and I just think that's healthy! You can't change these things but saying them out loud, not holding onto them as your own can be so cathartic.

TomeeTipee

llambert wrote: »

Just be prepared for lots of tears, probably from you!! Thought I had accepted but when I had to say it out load, cue buckets of tears.
If you know they'll be great then I think you should tell them. Its an awful road so support is great. I know my Mam and sis have got me through and we can have a laugh believe or not.

Oh there will definitely be floods of tears! You should have seen me the first time I went to my GP about it. I'm grand now talking to her, but saying it out loud the first time was really hard & there were lots of tears. I do think I will tell my mam, but I might wait for a wee while until I get more tests done so that I have a better idea of where I stand

llambert

TomeeTipee wrote: »

Oh there will definitely be floods of tears! You should have seen me the first time I went to my GP about it. I'm grand now talking to her, but saying it out loud the first time was really hard & there were lots of tears. I do think I will tell my mam, but I might wait for a wee while until I get more tests done so that I have a better idea of where I stand

That sounds like a good plan. On my first transfer my OH was away with work. He had said before we had even started that he would be away on that date so it was just our luck that that ended up been transfer day. My Mam travelled 3 & half hours so I wouldn't have to go in alone. Her face though was so funny. She was trying to be all cool with it but think she was surprised with how medical it was. Not sure what she expected, possibly a storke!!! But at least she has a little idea of what its all about. Thankfully hubby was there this time.

Neyite

llambert wrote: »

That sounds like a good plan. On my first transfer my OH was away with work. He had said before we had even started that he would be away on that date so it was just our luck that that ended up been transfer day. My Mam travelled 3 & half hours so I wouldn't have to go in alone. Her face though was so funny. She was trying to be all cool with it but think she was surprised with how medical it was. Not sure what she expected, possibly a storke!!! But at least she has a little idea of what its all about. Thankfully hubby was there this time.

Your mam sounds like a dote.

Penny Dreadful

TomeeTipee wrote: »

I'm out for another month. Another short cycle with a short luteal phase it seems.

Just wondering have any of you ladies told many people about your problems trying to conceive? We haven't told anyone & are very private in general but I'm finding it tough going at the minute. Was listening to my mum & sister earlier going on & on about various people we know who are pregnant at the minute & I just wanted to tell them to shut up & stop talking about it!! I sometimes wonder would I be making it easier on myself if we just told them.

I haven't wanted to at all and have asked my husband not to mention it to his family at all. They would have the nicest of intentions but I just do not want to be spoken about by the whole lot of them. I know that this is what would happen as his sister had some difficulty getting pregnant and we heard all about that and his cousin had a number of recurrant miscarriages and again we heard all about that up until she managed to have her baby. They were very nice to the girls and all that stuff but I just don't want that for me from them.
I think I'll mention it to my younger sister today just to let her know what sometimes things have been a little strained.

So I just told her. It was so hard! Not to say it to her but just to say it at all. Odd that isn't it?

Lucuma

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

So I just told her. It was so hard! Not to say it to her but just to say it at all. Odd that isn't it?

Saying it out loud is awful. It's so great to be the bearer of happy suprises, but oh-so-not-great to be the bearer of sad ones :-(

I had an interesting weekend from a TTC perspective. I'm rereading this thread from the start (this thread could be published as a ttc book!) and between page 8 and 12 a woman who's OH had low sperm count had a suggestion to abstain for a few days beforehand and try and hit peak day so I put this to the test this weekend, hubby abstained for 4-5 days and then we dtd on the day after the day on which I received the bright line on the opk. We also dtd in the morning. These 2 things - abstaining, and dtd in the morning - both increase sperm count so in theory he should have had simliar to what he had the latest morning he went to the HARI - so approx 4 million. If there was an egg inside me, then all we need is 1 - just 1! - with a normal shape out of 4 million to make his way up there, let's see.

Anyway I'm hoping for next cycle to pinpoint even more accurately when ovulation is occuring and try the same tactic again. Next time instead of just using opks, I'm also going to use temping and the Billings method (i.e. the cervial mucus method!) to try and pinpoint the day itself, I wish I had started this months ago! The opks only tell you a window of a few days, I want more specific information, it would be great to be able to try to pinpoint the day itself.

On Sat night we went out to meet a friend I hadn't seen in a while, I've been saying to my husband we should disguise the fact we're not drinking, we should fake it (i.e. send him to the bar on the quiet, get the non-alcoholic beers and slip them into glasses and come down with them) but he's more of the attitude ''shur just tell people we're not drinking, feck em!" but you should have seen this girl's face when we said we weren't drinking, her face literally fell, and after one round she made her excuses and left. I told him so !! Next time, I'm faking it.

llambert

So I just told her. It was so hard! Not to say it to her but just to say it at all. Odd that isn't it?[/quote]

No its not abit odd. Think when you tell someone it really becomes real. Know that sounds silly.

Lucuma

stickybean wrote: »

Thank honey, have it on the 10th, dreading it...

To be honest, I was going cancel.

Sticky bean just wanted to say good luck for tomorrow, be brave and hope it all goes smoothly hon x

bobskii

Lucuma you seem in much better form since the last time I was on,great to see your positive attitude back!!

We didn't tell anyone at the start,5 years on ive told my family he's told some of his . have told a few of my friends,one in particular who makes me laugh about it!It is a weight off when you tell people but I also know what ye mean about people 'idly' chatting about . two fingers to that type of nose bag!!

bobskii

Oh and best of luck tomorrow sticky bean xx

Penny Dreadful

I started back with the OPKs yesteday (day 13) and got a O and tried again today and got a smiley flashing face. So I'm moving into my fertile phase. Today is day 14 last month this started at day 21. So its a whole week earlier this month.
Trying to figure out my body is exhausting at times:):o

I know my acupuncturist said he was working on getting my ovulation phase to kick in around day 14 so maybe its working.
Hubby and myself had a huge fight (about bloody nothing I think really) on Sunday, it wasn't at all nice but at least we sorted it out on Sunday (always try to resolve matters on the same day!) and are all loved up again now that I'm entering the fertile phase!
I have to get Day 21 bloods drawn (again) next week. I'm very interested to see what the Day 3 results are and what the progesteron levels (assuming the lab remembers to test for that this time) are.
What a great Christmas present we'd be giving each other if we manage to hit the bullseye on this cycle.

Lucuma

bobskii wrote: »

Lucuma you seem in much better form since the last time I was on,great to see your positive attitude back!!

Ha, Bobskii, I wish that were true! Funny coz I'm feeling particularly low today and I came on here in search of something to cheer me up, even if it's company in misery! So thanks for your post.

On the one hand, I'm being very proactive in terms of acupuncture, diet, detox, and yoga which we started last night (more of that anon) but on the other hand I'm experiencing not quite daily, but certainly weekly feelings of utter despair and depression. I know it's only clinical depression when you feel it for no reason, this has a very good reason! I just feel quite hopeless and the thought of growing old with no children ........doesn't bear thinking about. When I got those dodgy blood results (which I'm having repeated so jury's out til then) I had an evening of deep soul searching and crying. I looked into the future, imagined it without being a parent to anybody, and it was like staring into a dark abyss. I'm sorry if this brings anyone down, but I can't really share these feelings with anyone else (they'd be booking me into the nearest loony bin). At that stage I realised that there is a point at which the common ground between me and my husband ends - no matter what happens he will not be growing old without being a parent. He will have the birthday parties and the graduations and the weddings and the grandkids (please god). I might not. And that thought is so utterly heartbreaking and depressing.

Anyway after that cheerful thought (!!) just to say that we started a yoga class together last night and it was really, really good. Neither of us had really done yoga before. The twists and bizarre contortions that yer one the teacher is able to do with her body were mind-boggling!! Needless to say it'll be a while before i'll be anywhere near that stage, but there was a great atmosphere in the class, it was in english (yay!) and we both really got a good feeling off it so we're going to sign up and go every Monday from now on.

llambert

Lucuma wrote: »

Ha, Bobskii, I wish that were true! Funny coz I'm feeling particularly low today and I came on here in search of something to cheer me up, even if it's company in misery! So thanks for your post.

On the one hand, I'm being very proactive in terms of acupuncture, diet, detox, and yoga which we started last night (more of that anon) but on the other hand I'm experiencing not quite daily, but certainly weekly feelings of utter despair and depression. I know it's only clinical depression when you feel it for no reason, this has a very good reason! I just feel quite hopeless and the thought of growing old with no children ........doesn't bear thinking about. When I got those dodgy blood results (which I'm having repeated so jury's out til then) I had an evening of deep soul searching and crying. I looked into the future, imagined it without being a parent to anybody, and it was like staring into a dark abyss. I'm sorry if this brings anyone down, but I can't really share these feelings with anyone else (they'd be booking me into the nearest loony bin). At that stage I realised that there is a point at which the common ground between me and my husband ends - no matter what happens he will not be growing old without being a parent. He will have the birthday parties and the graduations and the weddings and the grandkids (please god). I might not. And that thought is so utterly heartbreaking and depressing.

Anyway after that cheerful thought (!!) just to say that we started a yoga class together last night and it was really, really good. Neither of us had really done yoga before. The twists and bizarre contortions that yer one the teacher is able to do with her body were mind-boggling!! Needless to say it'll be a while before i'll be anywhere near that stage, but there was a great atmosphere in the class, it was in english (yay!) and we both really got a good feeling off it so we're going to sign up and go every Monday from now on.

Oh Lucuma must be a time for general misery. Having a really bad day today too. Having the same pains and aches that I had at the same time on our last if cycle so now I'm all upset convinced it won't happen. I know these mean nothing but now the gremlins are in my head and they don't want to leave. I just wish it was next Weds so I can take the test and know either way. Think this time of the year makes it harder cos everyone seen to have the excitement with their kids or they're out partying and I feel like I'm in no mans land.

bobskii

7.30 am tin of paint falls out of the press explodes all over the walls door presses . hubby says good luck as he closes the door(he is still alive) and leaves me to clean up.
Make it to work covered in paint only to discover I've gotten my period,thanks mother nature but it's only day 26 jog on!!

Grrrrrr I could easily cry but I won't!!

ladies this whole business would torment your soul!Lucuma your allowed wallow it's only natural but at least your making changes for the better.

lambert I still have everything crossed for you .