Breakup changes

Kazobel

OK so my thread on hair colour opened up other things I could start threads about that in all honesty are female specific because most of us have done it at one stage or another, This post got me thinking about this subject:

Dragan wrote: »

About the only effect i can see it having is probably placebo. Someone feels that the new hair colour makes a "new them" so they liven up and loosen up somewhat?

After a breakup alot of the time alot of women will change something about their appearance to create, as Dragan called it, a "new you". Obviously it's part of the moving on process for women anyway so have you ever just changed your whole look just as part of moving on? for myself (because it's only fair that I contribute too) I broke up recently so in an attempt to go back to being anonomous and not having the other party be able to view my life by finding me online I closed down a forum I owned and bought a dot.com and moved everyone there except the ex (not the link in my sig, that was my old forum ), changed my name (again) and have made an appointment to go to Brussles for ffs(Facial feminisation surgury) but that's just because I really do want a few things changed and now I have no responsibilities I can afford it. I also plan on dying my hair and getting extentions. Now obviously I take it to extremes so I don't need that pointed out because at the end of the day that's my business the only point of this thread (why is it getting to the point that the point of a thread needs to be clearly defined?) is have you changed anything after a breakup and how drastic was it? and I suppose do some men do this too? I've never seen it so I'm just curious.


Edit: From some posts so far it seems some people feel the need to critisize how I deal with breakups, this thread is not about me, it's a general thread and my decisions are nobodys business so stay on topic or don't post.

Wibbs

As a bloke I have. I've gotten a haircut, changed clothes and changed the places I went socially. Not to avoid the ex, just to make a clean change.

ztoical

nope never done any major changes after a breakup but then I'm still friends with most of my ex's [all three of them] or still have alot of friends in common with them. I can understand maybe wanting to treat yourself to a spa day or a day at the hairdressers cus your feeling down but I wouldn't do anything radical just cus of a break up - I change my hair colour/length/style cus I'm in the mood to not usually for any other reason.

Kazobel

Wibbs wrote: »

As a bloke I have. I've gotten a haircut, changed clothes and changed the places I went socially. Not to avoid the ex, just to make a clean change.

So guys do it too, I wouldn't have thought that to be honest but I suppose thats just because I was pandering to the stereotype that breakups don't affect men like it does women, Thanks Wibbs ***stereotype deleted***

Balmed Out

I dont really change anything, maybe i exercise and go out more but thats about it.

Rattlehead_ie

Hair bleached one time, that was funny!:o

pookie82

Deperately try to alter my taste in men. Never really works.

the dee

It's been a while since I last went through a break-up but generally I think I tried to look after my appearance more after a break-up. Never changed anything as such, but treated myself to new clothes or make up, made more of an effort. But only in order to make myself feel better. In a 'he might not want me but I'm georgous and I don't need him' kind of way. A bit of pampering goes a long way.

Aisling(",)

once i tried dieting thinking it was because i wasnt small enough but then saw him with his new girlfriend and shes a fat heffer and a bitch.....jsut made me feel better and then i went to the chipper on the way home

Kazobel

Rattlehead_ie wrote: »

Hair bleached one time, that was funny!:o

It usually is when you use Domestos

Kazobel

Aisling(",) wrote: »

once i tried dieting thinking it was because i wasnt small enough but then saw him with his new girlfriend and shes a fat heffer and a bitch.....jsut made me feel better and then i went to the chipper on the way home

No resentment there huh hon?

I've actually seen a few of my ex's new other halves and thought "WTF??" too, there's no better feeling than knowing they've traded down :D

MIN2511

Just one ex and after that i did a few things
• Got my hair done-some sexy new style
• Shopping
• Gym-lost about a stone
• Booked a few holidays to England and America got pissed, met absolutely stunning lads
• Went drinking at least 3 nights a week-brilliant!!!
• Reduced communication with mutual friends

Kazobel

MIN2511 wrote: »

Just one ex and after that i did a few things
• Got my hair done-some sexy new style

Kodoos

MIN2511 wrote: »

• Shopping

Retail therapy, is there any better drug? :D

MIN2511 wrote: »

• Gym-lost about a stone

Well done, you should be really proud of that

MIN2511 wrote: »

• Booked a few holidays to England and America got pissed, met absolutely stunning lads

This never crossed my mind but now that I think about it I'd love a holiday...mmmmmm ***has an idea***

MIN2511 wrote: »

• Went drinking at least 3 nights a week-brilliant!!!

and put the stone back on?

MIN2511 wrote: »

• Reduced communication with mutual friends

me too, I just cut contact with all of them and feel really better for doing it, I'm not hearing about the ex so it's making moving on a hell of alot easier.

Wibbs

Kazobel wrote: »

I've actually seen a few of my ex's new other halves and thought "WTF??" too, there's no better feeling than knowing they've traded down :D

You can look at it that way or.... you can figure you better start improving yourself as if they did "trade down" you must have been no great shakes at the time.:D

cuckoo

After one emotion-led disaster of a haircut in my past ("cut it all off!") i now have a 2 month moratorium on going near the hairdresser after a break up...

After the initial shock of a break up (and the medicinal chocolate) i then move into the Be Nice To Me phase. Maybe a few massages, or spend the newly spare time fixing up something around my home. Read stacks of books.

I don't actually like buying clothes or stuff like jewellery - firstly emotional shopping can lead to my tastes being weird, and secondly i like to have positive memories attached to the purchase of stuff.....the bling bling might be bought a bit later when i've reached the 'i'm an independent women who is happy in herself stage'.

Also, immediately after the Chocolate Stage clothes shopping can be a bit of shock as things can feel a little tight!

Kazobel

Wibbs wrote: »

You can look at it that way or.... you can figure you better start improving yourself as if they did "trade down" you must have been no great shakes at the time.:D

Darling, I need no improvements, I'm hot enough as I am and will be even hotter after my few alterations

Kazobel

cuckoo wrote: »

After one emotion-led disaster of a haircut in my past ("cut it all off!") i now have a 2 month moratorium on going near the hairdresser after a break up...

After the initial shock of a break up (and the medicinal chocolate) i then move into the Be Nice To Me phase. Maybe a few massages, or spend the newly spare time fixing up something around my home. Read stacks of books.

I don't actually like buying clothes or stuff like jewellery - firstly emotional shopping can lead to my tastes being weird, and secondly i like to have positive memories attached to the purchase of stuff.....the bling bling might be bought a bit later when i've reached the 'i'm an independent women who is happy in herself stage'.

Also, immediately after the Chocolate Stage clothes shopping can be a bit of shock as things can feel a little tight!

I have to admit I've never gone on a comfort eating phase or a drinking phase after a breakup which I'm really thankful for, I obsess about my weight to much tbh and putting on a stone or two would freak me out. Not that I'm saying you ate yourself chubby or anything, this is just a general statment I just wouldn't go down the food route.

You've not broken up with Hexx? Your face and eyes are very feminine, I can't imagine you ever looking a man.

The upside of a break up is having so much more free time to persue things I enjoy.
So I would become more invested in my interests.
I've never had a tough break up though. I've always left it until it was the only right option, and so have processed alot of the emotions and it comes as a relief.

Kazobel

Moonbaby wrote: »

You've not broken up with Hexx? Your face and eyes are very feminine, I can't imagine you ever looking a man.

The upside of a break up is having so much more free time to persue things I enjoy.
So I would become more invested in my interests.
I've never had a tough break up though. I've always left it until it was the only right option, and so have processed alot of the emotions and it comes as a relief.

Yes, I was ditched before the baby got out of hospital but I don't want to talk about it here

Thanks, it's always nice to hear that but I can look male when nesassary I just look really androgenous and usually get mistaken for a tom-girl or boyish lesbian :rolleyes:

I've alot of free time lately and I've been doing loads, I got a new apartment, created a forum, made all my appointments and have totally dived into getting my gender reassignment within the next year and the weird thing is I'm actually feeling great, I'm keeping myself busy so don't really have time to think about things. It's a bit of a relief to be honest cause I felt like hell a month ago.

Crumble Froo

i hopped on a bus and went to donegal for a few days. where i used to go as a kid, and everything was always so much simpler there. needed the time and space to get my head sorted.

crazy days. otehr times i just kinda disappear in gneeral, cut off contact with everyone for a while.

LivingDeadGirl

Only in my first serious relationship now but I'd say if we broke up I'd dye my hair or get a new piercing or something, I feel it'd help me move on for some weird reason! It'd be a positive change to help me move on maybe?

Sorry to hear about that Kaz.

Kazobel

Crumble Froo wrote: »

i hopped on a bus and went to donegal for a few days. where i used to go as a kid, and everything was always so much simpler there. needed the time and space to get my head sorted.

crazy days. otehr times i just kinda disappear in gneeral, cut off contact with everyone for a while.

I do that too, I'm actually a f**k for it, I'll blank everyone and just totally create a new life. I've gone to extremes like changing my name, getting rid of my phone, deleting all my online accounts, I've never had a friend that has lasted more than 6 months, even my friends now I only know the longest one 4 months and she knows very little about me.

embee

Kazobel wrote: »

I've never had a friend that has lasted more than 6 months, even my friends now I only know the longest one 4 months and she knows very little about me.

That is really, really sad.

Kazobel

Moonbaby wrote: »

Sorry to hear about that Kaz.

Don't worry it's cool hun, I get over these these things really quickly, in my position you have to be able to or it'd eat you away

Kazobel

embee wrote: »

That is really, really sad.

Not really, well not in my eyes anyway because as I change they do too, I expect that some (in all fairness all tbh) will change in how they view you. Until you're the real you all relationships/friendships are subject to change. a friend that only knew me as male will standoff after they see me as a female. A friend I make as female is usually only a friend until they discover I use to be male and then stereotypes take over. I have a few that know and they don't care either way but in general it's not a good idea to make friends because you either have to lie for good or be honest and honesty usually results in a loss so I just don't make friends and it solves it all.

Edit: just noticed your sig, happy birthday to your daughter

Crumble Froo

Kazobel wrote: »

I do that too, I'm actually a f**k for it, I'll blank everyone and just totally create a new life. I've gone to extremes like changing my name, getting rid of my phone, deleting all my online accounts, I've never had a friend that has lasted more than 6 months, even my friends now I only know the longest one 4 months and she knows very little about me.

ha, i won't even mention the time i ended up in nz after a breakup ...

but, man, kazobel, that sounds rough. i couldnt imagine not having anyone to turn to who knew me. i've a lot of friends who i've made over the last 4ish years, but one who i've known since we were in first class together.

i know your circumstances or whatever are different, but it does seem very sad, and lonely that you don't have anyone you can really trust, or who knows you.:(

MIN2511

Personally i have concluded that break ups mean you can't be we with the person anymore, so it's time for a fresh start but not as extreme as Kazobel
Now i see my ex and wonder how i coped, sometimes i miss some things in the relationship but then i think of the reasons why i broke up with him and it makes me smile!
It feels much better to do the breaking than your ex, less emotional(you planned it) they didn't

SarahSassy

My change is negative, cos I have started biting my nails again since Xmas.... The look rotten but I just cant stop.... Had been keeping them so well for all of 2007.

:(

Crumble Froo

when i stop biting my nails, i start chewing the pads of my fingers...

daiixi

Kazobel wrote: »

Darling, I need no improvements, I'm hot enough as I am and will be even hotter after my few alterations

Uhh did you actually read that sentence before you posted it? All you seem to be doing is changing or "improving" yourself.

Anyway back on topic I think women change things about themselves because a lot of the time they get complacent about the way they are and once single they actually get off their butt and get that haircut which is about a month overdue OR they change something they actually wanted to change while in the relationship but didn't because their partner would tell them "I love your beautiful long hair - don't change it!".