A Few More

rocky25

An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor´s office.

"We have come for an examination," said the young girl.

"Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off."

"No, not me," said the girl. "it´s my old aunt here."

"Very well,"said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."
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A guy missed his coach home after a piss up in Blackpool .

He knocked on the door of a boarding house and the landlady answered.

Got a room? asked the guy.

Yes said the landlady I have one left at the very top floor.

Great says the guy.

Just one thing says the landlady have you a good memory for faces ?

I think so says the guy why?

The landlady says good coz theres no mirror in the bathroom.
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A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; First, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.

"Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."
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A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces his presence to St. Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon reading the entry for the cabbie, St. Peter invites him to pick up a silk robe and a golden staff and to proceed into Heaven.

A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has been watching these proceedings with interest. He announces himself to St. Peter. Upon scanning the preacher's entry in the Big Book, St. Peter furrows his brow and says, "Okay, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff."

The preacher is astonished and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie."

St. Peter responded matter-of-factly: "This is heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."
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A bloke goes into a pub with this little monkey sits down at the bar while he’s having a couple of pints the monkey starts running around grabbing handfuls of peanuts and olives off the bar and eating them next thing he’s on the pool table standing upright with the que ball in his mouth and in one gulp he swallows the ball by then the barman has had enough so he says to the bloke “mate that monkey of yours is out of order you going to have to leave” the blokes asks why and the barman tells what the monkeys been up to so the bloke says “don’t worry he always tries to eat everything in sight I’ll pay for any damage and stuff he’s eaten when I’m finished” which he does after another pint.
About a week later he goes to the same pub with the monkey he orders a pint and the monkey starts again he’s on the bar picked up a cherry put it up his arse pulled it out looked at it and ate it the barman was furious he says to bloke “did you see what your monkey just done” the bloke says “ no what did he do?? “ so the barman tells him the monkey picked up a cherry stuffed it up his arse pulled it out and ate it.
So the bloke says” oh yeah he stills eats everything he sees but ever since he ate that pool ball he measures everything first.

mickrourke

Good Stuff Rocky.

Monkeys are funny

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jU1NKvZtfaI

rocky25

That little Monkey was very funny, I think I spotted him on Lolocaust

mickrourke

rocky25 wrote: »

That little Monkey was very funny, I think I spotted him on Lolocaust

Magic wand used, thanks Rocky