Sex

Dragan

I knew that would get your attention.

Now then, due to the whole "How often do you get it" thread i have been thinking. How important do people feel sex is in a relationship? I know for a fact that i have battled through a relationship that was falling apart and went without for 8 months while this was happening in a effort to keep things going.

Since then i have learned that if the sex is not there it's just not worth it for me. I don't mean to sound cruel or anything but those were the 8 worst months of my life. It wasn't that i wasn't getting any....it's was that you don't feel loved, or attractive or sexy in any way.

So, if the sex is bad or just not there would you fight it out? If your really into someone and the sexual spark is just not there would you get into a deeper emotional relationship with them?

For me, after going through what i want through i have realised i need a lady with the same sexual vibe as me or it's just never going to work. I draw a lot of emotional connection from partner during sex, it's a fundamental part of a relationship to me. Wake up, morning sex, make tea and have a joint, out on music and have more sex, i make lunch while she reads a book followed by a nap and more sex and then we might think about getting out of bed to have sex somewhere else in the house.

Sure, it might be seen as a base need that should not be important but the simple fact of it is, to me, sex is important and it's gotta be present for me to be happy.

What are the ladies thoughts?

ztoical

I have stayed in a sh!t relationship longer then I should have cus the sex was good. The minute the sex got bad I was gone as there was nothing else there.

On the flip side the deepest relationship I ever had was with my most recent ex and we actually had very little sex. Its one of those hard things to explain but it was such a close relationship, we were really good friends that developed into something more and just being together was great [relationship ended due to both of us moving and now being over 5000 miles apart]

I think every situation is different but as a relationship grows I think the importance of just sex as a physical act becomes less important and the emotional side of sex becomes more important. If your in a relationship that has such a high focus on the physical what happens when something goes wrong there? someone is sick/not in the mood etc..

Reku

I'd say it is important, but far from the most important thing. It's the icing on the cake if you will, great if it's there but if the cake isn't nice anyway all the icing in the world won't make it delicious.

Reku

I'd say it is important, but far from the most important thing. It's the icing on the cake if you will, great if it's there but if the cake isn't nice anyway all the icing in the world won't make it delicious.

mollybird

ya i feel if the sex is crap but there is chemisty between ye then stick it out. that is what i did with one or two ex's. now though im wiht someone who i feel i connect with on such a deeper level. what i mean by that is that we can pretty much feel waht the otehr one is going to say or get a feeling when we know the other one is going to get in touch. it's so freaky for us. the sex is amazing for both of us as we know we can have a off time every so often and the other person doesn't mind. we are at the same level in every way and both of us don't feel we are missing out on anything.

the dee

I agree with ztocial. Sex is important in a relation but it's not the be all and end all. Most of the relationships I've been in - there was a lot of sex in the beginning and less the longer you're together. There has never been no sex though.

I'm with my boyf over a year and a half now and and we definitely have less than when we first met. But we're very close and comfortable with each other - I think that feeling is more important to a relationship.

justsomebloke

Dragan wrote: »

What are the ladies thoughts?

well if you want the thoughts of someone who knows you, then truthfully you should just be glad if you get any at all.

but other then that what you have to ask was the lack of sex the cause of the problems or where the problems leading to a lack of sex. Cause if it is answer B even if the sex was great chances are it wouldn't last either

Dragan

jsb wrote: »

well if you want the thoughts of someone who knows you, then truthfully you should just be glad if you get any at all.

your still just bitter because i called you ugly!:D

Valid points on the sex thing mind.

Dragan

How important do people feel sex is in a relationship?

Dragan wrote: »

it's that you don't feel loved, or attractive or sexy in any way.

I have felt like this in the past in any way if he refused sex at all for any reason:(:mad:
It is really important but not the most important aspect and yes I have made the mistake of staying in a relationship becaue the sex was good - big mistake

Lux23

Sex would be really important to me. If the sex wasn't as good as I would want I think I would become very unhappy in the realtionship very quickly. Loads of talking and loads of good sex is what makes a realtionship work for me.

Having said that I am terminally single so my opinion doesn't count for much. :rolleyes:

Dragan

Lux23 wrote: »

SHaving said that I am terminally single so my opinion doesn't count for much. :rolleyes:

Or in another light it's more valid that someone who jumps from one relationship to another with no breaks in between. Thats not like somone in my mind, it's liking "being in a relationship."

Hellm0

No sex = no hellm0*

*that said I am in a long distance relationship. I just cram as much in as possible when we get the chance.

Dragan

Dragan wrote: »

For me, after going through what i want through i have realised i need a lady with the same sexual vibe as me or it's just never going to work. I draw a lot of emotional connection from partner during sex, it's a fundamental part of a relationship to me. Wake up, morning sex, make tea and have a joint, out on music and have more sex, i make lunch while she reads a book followed by a nap and more sex and then we might think about getting out of bed to have sex somewhere else in the house.

As a fitness mod you should be ashamed of yourself!!:D:D:D


Dude I did the exact same, went 8 (maybe more) months without it, desperately clinging to something that wasnt there. I suppose it was my first (and only:cool:) long term relationship and I didnt want to admit to myself that it was over. Never again. And when I say wasnt there, I mean there was nothing. Sexually or otherwise. I was miserable. We're broken up now and dont talk anymore. Says a lot. And whilst sexc may not be the be all and end all it certainly is a good indication of where your relationship is at (obviously lowered sex drive due to stress/pregnancy etc etc can cause it to fluctuate but long term it should be high if there is the right attraction there)

Lux23

Lux23 wrote: »

Having said that I am terminally single so my opinion doesn't count for much. :rolleyes:

join the club

Nevyn

Relationship with out sex are friendships.

Quality

Thaedydal wrote: »

Relationship with out sex are friendships.

Agreed...

watna

watna wrote: »

I think as long as you both have similar sex drives as well. If your missus likes it three times a day and you want it once a week it can cause problems. If you both only want it once a month and it makes you happy then it'll work.

Have to agree here. Polarised sex drives can lead to bitterness and can seriously affect relationships.

EDIT: How did this get above the quoted post? Madness...

watna

Thaedydal wrote: »

Relationship with out sex are friendships.

+1. There has to be that attraction there. Even if there's not much going on because you're both tired or stressed, there's way you can show you still fancy each other without being too energetic!

I think as long as you both have similar sex drives as well. If your missus likes it three times a day and you want it once a week it can cause problems. If you both only want it once a month and it makes you happy then it'll work.

Dragan

Thaedydal wrote: »

Relationship with out sex are friendships.

Well said.

Deleted User wrote: »

EDIT: How did this get above the quoted post? Madness...

Sparta.

Iago

Dragan wrote: »

Or in another light it's more valid that someone who jumps from one relationship to another with no breaks in between. Thats not like somone in my mind, it's liking "being in a relationship."

OI! I resemble that remark!

anyway, I think good sex is vital for the success of any relationship. While good sex won't save a bad relationship, bad sex can often kill a good one.

panda100

Have to admit Im suprised by the response's here. Maybe Im just odd but sex to me is completyly irrelavant in a relationship. In fact most of my boyfriends I never slept with and two of them I was going out with for about a year. Its not that I dont like doing physical stuff,I do but its just not a big thing for me at all.
To me a relationship is about building up trust and a really good connection and you dont need to have sex to do that. Saying that I agree you need a physical attraction cos without that then its just friendship territory.

panda100

panda100 wrote: »

Have to admit Im suprised by the response's here. Maybe Im just odd but sex to me is completyly irrelavant in a relationship. In fact most of my boyfriends I never slept with and two of them I was going out with for about a year.
To me a relationship is about building up trust and a really good connection and you dont need to have sex to do that.

Did you make it clear to these people in the early stages how you felt about sex?

Sex is vital to forming a close emotional connection for me. I couldn't be happy in a relationship with someone who had no regards my needs.

panda100

panda100 wrote: »

Have to admit Im suprised by the response's here. Maybe Im just odd but sex to me is completyly irrelavant in a relationship. In fact most of my boyfriends I never slept with and two of them I was going out with for about a year. Its not that I dont like doing physical stuff,I do but its just not a big thing for me at all.
To me a relationship is about building up trust and a really good connection and you dont need to have sex to do that. Saying that I agree you need a physical attraction cos without that then its just friendship territory.

Have to admit that Im suprised by your response. A year? I certainly wasnt saying that sex is the be all and end all but for me a relationship without sex is like a friendship. Sex is a basic need and desire for most people and when you enter into a relationship with a person then u are agreeing to commit to them and not seek that desire from someone else, hence the least to be expected is that it happens at least once in a while. Like i said, there are more important issues also..... trust, similar humour, fun, friendship, being comfortable with the person and being able to have deep conversations and sharing interests etc are fundamental to a relationship but to dismiss sex as "not a big thing" for me is quite strange.

If u were happy to go the whole time without it and its not a big thing for you, then how would u have felt if he had slept with someone else? Or if he asked to cos he wanted it but it wasnt a big thing for you? Would u have been disgusted/said no? Cos if it isnt a big thing then hypothetically u wouldnt mind, no?

I do think that it is dictated by being able to find someone of similar sex drive to yourself. Itimportant to find people of similar sex drive so that you can enjopy each other without one or other becomming frustrated. So in your case if he had an extremely low sex drive and was happy to go a year then that works. But even at that, it shows that sex is important because it is important the he wasnt sex starved and thus frustrated.

Iago

panda100 wrote: »

Have to admit Im suprised by the response's here. Maybe Im just odd but sex to me is completyly irrelavant in a relationship.

you just haven't met a guy who knows what he should be doing yet

I couldn't live in a sexless relationship, or a relationship that went long periods without sex. but if that's what works for both parties then more power to them.

ztoical

I have to agree a bit with Panda 100 here. Some people to seem to have alot of focus on the sex/physical aspect of their relationships. There are plenty of people who have good relationships that don't focus on sex. I've a number of friends who are religious and won't have sex before they are married. There are alot of people who feel that way and others still who feel you should only have sex when trying for a baby. Now I'm not religious in any way shape or forum and I know thats to do with their faith and what not but still tis not the end of everything if your relationship isn't all about the physical.

The Sweeper

Men associate feeling desirable, sexy loved, wanted, needed and appreciated with having sex.

Women associate feeling desirable, loved, wanted, needed and appreciated with being cuddled non-sexually, being made laugh, having cups of tea brought to them, getting little presents on days that aren't national holidays or their birthday, being listened to, not having to do all the housework on their own and being made love to with effortful foreplay including rose petals and champagne.

There are also days when we want to be shagged senseless with little or no foreplay, on the kitchen table, with no noise except grunting, but we're not going to tell you which days those are.

Come along now men, keep up...

TequilaMockingBird

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

Men associate feeling desirable, sexy loved, wanted, needed and appreciated with having sex.

Women associate feeling desirable, loved, wanted, needed and appreciated with being cuddled non-sexually, being made laugh, having cups of tea brought to them, getting little presents on days that aren't national holidays or their birthday, being listened to, not having to do all the housework on their own and being made love to with effortful foreplay including rose petals and champagne.

There are also days when we want to be shagged senseless with little or no foreplay, on the kitchen table, with no noise except grunting, but we're not going to tell you which days those are.

Come along now men, keep up...

Very well said.

Catari Jaguar

Thaedydal wrote: »

Relationship with out sex are friendships.

- 1

So people that wait to have sex until they are married are just friends until they have sex?

Or teens that are underage or not ready? Try telling them that they aren't in a relationship and see the reaction you get.

Relationship is more about love than sex.

Being with a fcuk buddy is less of a relationship than a couple in love that aren't having sex.

Ridiculous statement.

Midna

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

Women associate feeling desirable, loved, wanted, needed and appreciated with being cuddled non-sexually, being made laugh, having cups of tea brought to them, getting little presents on days that aren't national holidays or their birthday, being listened to, not having to do all the housework on their own and being made love to with effortful foreplay including rose petals and champagne.

we do? :eek: some women maybe?


I have sex because I enjoy it or because I'm stressed or because I like the person involved. Nothing very mystical about it

ztoical

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

Men associate feeling desirable, sexy loved, wanted, needed and appreciated with having sex.

Women associate feeling desirable, loved, wanted, needed and appreciated with being cuddled non-sexually, being made laugh, having cups of tea brought to them, getting little presents on days that aren't national holidays or their birthday, being listened to, not having to do all the housework on their own and being made love to with effortful foreplay including rose petals and champagne.

There are also days when we want to be shagged senseless with little or no foreplay, on the kitchen table, with no noise except grunting, but we're not going to tell you which days those are.

Come along now men, keep up...

very well said. Theres also a big difference in what a one person would consider "sex" and what another might. Some people think of sex as just penetration and nothing else but I've had some very intimate moments with one ex that didn't involve penetrative sex [no I'm not just taking about oral you prev's ]

Drift

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

but we're not going to tell you which days those are.

Sums up so much about ye womenfolk