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Sex

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13

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    #62
    Jules
    Registered Users Posts: 6,756 ✭✭✭Jules


    Guys can we get back on topic here please.


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    #63
    John Mason
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason


    I stayed in a relationship for a year, with virtually no sex. the ex found my rabbit and broke it :( it was the most frustrating year of my life. I dont believe sex is the most important thing in a relationship but you cant have a relationship with zero sex.

    I mean what's the pointing in fighting if there is no sex at the end of it :D


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    #64
    Ginny
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 13,425 ✭✭✭✭Ginny


    IMO sex is very important, it is not the be all and end all, but the absence of it can be the start of the end of a relationship.
    If people have differing appetites it can be awful. Feeeling you are being pushed away can raise those niggling doubts that finish a relationship off.


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    #65
    Reku
    Registered Users Posts: 3,766 ✭✭✭Reku


    irishbird wrote: »
    I stayed in a relationship for a year, with virtually no sex. the ex found my rabbit and broke it :(

    Intentionally or through some unorthodox usage?


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    #66
    Cathmandooo
    Registered Users Posts: 17,324 ✭✭✭✭Cathmandooo


    Personally I couldnt have a relationship without sex, I'd feel like I was living with my friend rather than my boyfriend / husband.

    irishbird wrote: »
    the ex found my rabbit and broke it :(

    OMG :eek: I'd send him out to get a new one and kill him when he gets home :D


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    #67
    John Mason
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason


    farohar wrote: »
    Intentionally or through some unorthodox usage?

    intentionally, he said i was insulting him by using it saying he couldnt satisfy me - which obviously, the lack of sex for a year wasnt satistying me - MEN :rolleyes:


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    #68
    Anti
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,401 ✭✭✭✭Anti


    Jules wrote: »
    And to put it a more crude way.... you always test drive a car before you buy it!


    Classy... :p


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    #69
    foxy06
    Registered Users Posts: 2,138 ✭✭✭foxy06


    sex only becomes important if its not happening. It's about 10% of the relationship when you have a healthy sex life but when sex is missing it can take over about 90% of the relationship.


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    #70
    LouOB
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,181 ✭✭✭LouOB


    Dragan wrote: »
    Since then i have learned that if the sex is not there it's just not worth it for me.

    +1
    been there done that
    worn t-shirt
    same hymn sheet


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    #71
    Dragan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,497 ✭✭✭✭Dragan


    LouOB wrote: »
    +1
    been there done that
    worn t-shirt
    same hymn sheet

    Exactly. If i want to not get laid i can go out and unsuccessfully make attempts to pull girls in nightclubs for crying out loud! :)


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    #72
    panda100
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,551 ✭✭✭panda100


    Moonbaby wrote: »
    Did you make it clear to these people in the early stages how you felt about sex?

    No it didnt come up. Usually in the early stages your having so much fun getting to know the person, spending time together,building that connection that sex or talking about it is irrelevant and to me isnt necessary for that bonding experience
    Deleted User wrote: »

    If u were happy to go the whole time without it and its not a big thing for you, then how would u have felt if he had slept with someone else? Or if he asked to cos he wanted it but it wasnt a big thing for you? Would u have been disgusted/said no? Cos if it isnt a big thing then hypothetically u wouldnt mind, no?]
    Sex is a big thing for me in the sense that I need to be in a loving commited relationship before I can go there.It takes me a long time before I can trust a guy fully and to sleep with a guy I have to wholeheartedly trust him.
    From my own personal experience relationships have been ruined because sex was the number one priority.Ive learnt that leaving sex out of a relationship helps to build a stronger bond. But thats just my own personal experience.
    ztoical wrote: »
    very well said. Theres also a big difference in what a one person would consider "sex" and what another might. Some people think of sex as just penetration and nothing else but I've had some very intimate moments with one ex that didn't involve penetrative sex [no I'm not just taking about oral you prev's :p]
    Agreed. You need to have some physical stuff in your relationship.You can have a healthy sex life so to speak without the sex :)


    Out of curiosty on average how long do people wait before having sex with their partner?


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    #73
    AckwelFoley
    Registered Users Posts: 12,556 ✭✭✭✭AckwelFoley


    panda100 wrote: »

    Agreed. .You can have a healthy sex life so to speak without the sex :)


    Its called Masturbation :p


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    #74
    Dragan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,497 ✭✭✭✭Dragan


    panda100 wrote: »
    Out of curiosty on average how long do people wait before having sex with their partner?


    It depends on how the other person feels, and how i feel about them. I'v waited a few weeks, i've waited a few months. It's always different.

    Actually, to the people who "wait and build up the bond" so to speak?

    Are all you folk currently in loving and lasting relationships? This is not an attempt to knock your views or anything, it's just the only way to compare and contrast is to ask questions!:)


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    #75
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    panda100 wrote: »
    No it didnt come up. Usually in the early stages your having so much fun getting to know the person, spending time together,building that connection that sex or talking about it is irrelevant and to me isnt necessary for that bonding experience

    In general I feel the same as you about trust, so I wouldn't be hopping into bed with someone until I felt completely comfortable. The length of time varies.
    I realise that isn't always or even often the case. So I let the other person know my feelings on it very early on.

    Sex isn't irrelevant to most people and I think it is unfair to not let a person know where they stand. You are denying them a form of affection they are probably used to, and I think it is best for everyone if they understand why.


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    #76
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Dragan wrote: »
    Actually, to the people who "wait and build up the bond" so to speak?

    Are all you folk currently in loving and lasting relationships? This is not an attempt to knock your views or anything, it's just the only way to compare and contrast is to ask questions!:)

    I can see alot of people who are just interested in passing time being bothered by having to wait.
    But loving and lasting relationships, happen because they are right regardless of circumstances.


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    #77
    King of Kings
    Registered Users Posts: 1,695 ✭✭✭King of Kings


    in answer to dragan's original post.

    I hung on 2 years with my ex without sex - she'd had a baby and had no interest . Out of some bizarre "loyalty" drive I stayed. although we somewhat got back on track - we broke up - not before getting married. I feel the seeds for the eventual split were sown during those 2 years - although didn't realise it at the time.In hindsight I think I should have been more vocal - or played away (honestly) but that bizarre loyalty vibe i had meant I didn't hassle (too much) and didn't play away. I guess I always imagined we'd overcome our difficulties and get back to the way we were pre-pregnancyand then before I knew it months became years.

    That was a period I felt horrible - unwanted , undesirable(what was weird cos i was a bouncer part time and had plenty of offers but they didn't make me feel better - maybe worse infact) and then guilty when I broached the subject and expressed my displeasure.

    I won't make that mistake again. It was a terrible experience - made me feel really down.
    For me it is very important in a relationship -being physically close is important in creating a bond that allows for emotional and spiritual closeness.
    As a wise poster said that a relationship without sex is a friendship and i agree 100%. I've yet to experience that close bond with somebody with whom i've not intimate with.


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    #78
    togster
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,931 ✭✭✭togster


    Yes sex is very very important for me. The most successful relationship i had was a girl i met and slept with in the same day. However it was something that happened because of something deeper than lust. Or maybe it was lust... meh i don'y know much lately. :rolleyes:


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    #79
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Lil Kitten wrote: »
    Ridiculous statement.

    That depend on how you define sex.


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    #80
    Puddleduck
    Registered Users Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭Puddleduck


    I have the same kinda problem..I think Ive a ridiculously high sex drive. I think it makes the other person feel inadequate and its kinda frustrating for me. Dunno what to do tbh


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    #81
    Lux23
    Registered Users Posts: 7,134 ✭✭✭Lux23


    Puddleduck wrote: »
    I have the same kinda problem..I think Ive a ridiculously high sex drive. I think it makes the other person feel inadequate and its kinda frustrating for me. Dunno what to do tbh


    Are you male or female? I would imagine that most men wouldn't mind a girlfriend who was like that but if your a male then some girls have issues with that.


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    #82
    Puddleduck
    Registered Users Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭Puddleduck


    Female...hense the problem.


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    #83
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Lux23 wrote: »
    Are you male or female? I would imagine that most men wouldn't mind a girlfriend who was like that but if your a male then some girls have issues with that.

    It depends on the person/time. I know lads with low sex drives as well. Personally i have a ridiculous high drive at times but I can get a period of weeks where if im very tired/busy its almost non existant. Like i said earlier in the thread, if u can find someone of similar sex drive to yourself then you're winnin.


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    #84
    Puddleduck
    Registered Users Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭Puddleduck


    tbh though there should be more to a realationship than just sex but its constantly causing hassle and arguements


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    #85
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Puddleduck wrote: »
    tbh though there should be more to a realationship than just sex but its constantly causing hassle and arguements

    I absolutely agree with you BUT if that part of the relationship isnt right then it puts a huge strain on the relationship as a whole. It is more important than some people make out.


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    #86
    nikki 122
    Closed Accounts Posts: 307 ✭✭nikki 122


    or could you just sort yourself out when ever your partner isn't up for it you don't need men for everything??


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    #87
    Puddleduck
    Registered Users Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭Puddleduck


    nikki 122 wrote: »
    or could you just sort yourself out when ever your partner isn't up for it you don't need men for everything??


    I know I can fly solo but tbh doin it by yourself is alot different than the real thing


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    #88
    nikki 122
    Closed Accounts Posts: 307 ✭✭nikki 122


    believe me i know but i'm not saying cut out sex altogether try it on with your partner as much as you can even try some roleplay to get him going .. someone said it alresdy but you do need to be sexually compatible it makes it so much easier


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    #89
    Puddleduck
    Registered Users Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭Puddleduck


    I dont inititate it anymore coz I dont know when he wants to, by constantly trying it on it looks like Im pestering him and Im sure that will wind up causin crap. So what, the solution is to break up and find someone 'compatabile'? Itd be a long search and Id probably have to sleep with alot of guys, then wait till the honeymoon phase is over to check whats normal...seems like alot of work with no guarentee of a payoff


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    #90
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Puddleduck wrote: »
    I dont inititate it anymore coz I dont know when he wants to, by constantly trying it on it looks like Im pestering him and Im sure that will wind up causin crap. So what, the solution is to break up and find someone 'compatabile'? Itd be a long search and Id probably have to sleep with alot of guys, then wait till the honeymoon phase is over to check whats normal...seems like alot of work with no guarentee of a payoff

    I dont know the ins and outs of the rest of your relationship but believe me one thing i learned from experience is that the scenario u suggested beats staying in a bad relationship....everytime. Looking back at it, there's truly nothing worse.


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    #91
    nikki 122
    Closed Accounts Posts: 307 ✭✭nikki 122


    oh no i'm not telling you to break up but in fairness to you he should make an effort relationships are about compromise .. if you are too afraid to initiate anything then you are only fooling yourself darling , so i would advise you to ask him why he does not initiate anything anymore try to be openminded with him but stand up for yourself too


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