The Beatles

Popinjay

Don't know what magazine this came from but.....

Why The Beatles Are Crap
by Jean-Paul McLennon - 29/11/2005
Editors Note: Look, one of our contributors sent this in with a note saying
"I wrote this after a few drinks - but I'm too wimpy to put my name to it".
Even though he was clearly to lazy to go out and do some research the piece is still quite funny so we won't ask Jeremy to own up. Whoops.

Oh no... There's another Beatles related anniversary approaching and it's a
big one: Twenty five years since Mark Chapman thanked John Lennon for
signing his copy of 'Double Fantasy' by shooting him... And while Beatles
fans around the world are probably getting ready to flagellate themselves
and wallow and moan around the 'Imagine' mosaic in Central Park, I'm getting ready to come out saying. "I've never liked the Beatles..."
There - I managed to write that without either of the remaining two keeling over. They're not some magical Gods... There was music before The Beatles, and after The Beatles, and even during The Beatles that wasn't actually made by The Beatles. It's time to let someone else have a go and before you feel the need to clap your hands and chant 'I believe in Beatles', to help you understand what I'm on about, here are at least ten good reasons why the Beatles are crap.

1 - OB LA DI OB LA DA
Come on now... Who really seriously likes that song? Who thought it was a
good idea at the time? Was it George Martin? Who still thinks it's a good
idea now? It's one of the most inane pieces of knees up rubbish that's ever been recorded. The King Singers did a version of it didn't they? I rest my case.

2 - THEY INVENTED EVERYTHING
- even electricity, or so some people would have you believe... Bands with
names, gatefold record sleeves, short hair, long hair, saving the world,
multitrack recording, writing boring songs, what didn't they bloody do? The
thing is, I'm certain if people looked hard enough, they'd find other people
and other bands who'd done all this stuff first. Surely The Beatles were
just a bunch of copy cats... They can't have been that smart... Someone
talked them into recording 'When I'm 64' after all.

3 - RINGO STAR
How can they seriously call themselves 'The Fab Four' when one of them (i.e. Ringo) has only ever come up with silly rubbish since they broke up? Surely this proves he was never that fab, although 'The Fab Three and one tosser' isn't nearly as good a marketing slogan. OK, so Ringo was quite good doing the narration on Thomas The Tank Engine, but that's hardly core Beatles Business is it?

4 - BEATLES BORES
We've all met them - those people who know what was on both sides of every single, who know the difference between the US and UK releases, who know what colour underpants John was wearing when he wrote 'Strawberry Fields Forever'... Don't these people have anything else in their lives? Have they got front doors? Maybe they should open them up and walk outside now and then - they might be pleasantly surprised, if not a little alarmed to learn that not everyone spends every waking hour listening to or reading about The Beatles.

5 - THE BALLAD OF JOHN AND YOKO
Look, I don't even know the song, but that title has to be about as
pretentious as they come doesn't it? Who else could come up with such a
naval gazing name for a song? What must Paul and George and Ringo have
thought? Who really cares? Which brings us to -

6 - YOKO ONO
who's often credited with breaking up The Beatles. Well, all I can say is
well done. I can't be so generous though when it comes to everything else
she's done - the sum total of which seems to resemble looking permanently startled and making noises like the sound of strangling a cat.

7 - I AM THE WALRUS
'I am the Walrus, I am the Egg man, Coo coo ca choo' or something... Pardon? Are you trying to be funny? Or are you just happy to come up with any old tosh to disguise the fact you've run out of ideas?

8 - ABBEY ROAD AND THAT ZEBRA CROSSING
and Paul not wearing shoes and supposedly being dead and the numberplate on the Volkswagon - see, I'm definitely not a Beatles Bore, and I know that much, which just goes to show how dangerously close we all are to becoming Beatles Bores... Even if we hate The Beatles. That can't be a good thing.

9 - REVOLUTION NUMBER 9
Oh look! It's another wacky invention - the cut up. Why this one isn't
available on your average Karaoke machine is beyond me... I'd love to watch someone following the bouncing ball and trying to perform this while half pissed in some dodgy restaurant.

10 - BEATLES ANNIVERSARIES
Every day there are at least 246 Beatles anniversaries - Today's the day
they recorded this piece of fluff, or John wrote something or other on a
piece of toilet paper (which Sotheby's are about to auction for several
million pounds), or Paul cut his toenails, or George had some sort of
religious epiphany, or Ringo went down the shops for some milk... Other
things happen every day too you know... That guy with the aerodynamic
hairstyle from A Flock Of Seagulls has a birthday too...


So there you go, that's just ten reasons to get you started.... I'd also
like to shake the hand of the person who pulled the plug on their last live
gig - whoever you were, you obviously weren't impressed, and hopefully you'd do it again today if you had the chance. John is dead... George is dead... People thought Paul was dead (maybe it was wishful thinking)... Ringo appears to be brain dead... Get over The Beatles and go and discover something else before you're dead too.

drunk_monk

What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common? They both live off dead Beatles :eek:

Latchy

OP is your long and intresting post not a contradiction in terms ? Yeah ,sure there was music before during and after the beatles but for you to come to your opinions ,one would have had to know a lot about , spent a lot of time listening to and reading up over the them

As for the Beatles themselfs, they came along at the right time .After JFK was assassinated America needed a shot in the arm to bring it out of it's depression and they were that shot .They ,looked ,spoke ,acted different to any group that was around at that time and had long hair .

Oh bla di oh bla da was just a novelty song to make up the numbers on an LP and lennon said he hated it .He also hated yesterday .Every beatle album had one or two tracks that could easly have being left on the studio floor .

I would imagine yer average Beatle fan over 40 is also a fan of hundreds of other groups ,from that and other eras and different generations have and will discover them ,just as they might discover elvis,sinatra,dylan ,stones , byrds and so on ,but will not be overwhelmed by the hysteria as much .People are more diverse in their choice of music and the beatles wil always fit into any decent record/cd collection .

patmac

Popinjay wrote: »

4 - BEATLES BORES
We've all met them - who know what colour underpants John was wearing when he wrote 'Strawberry Fields Forever'...

Green with a white Y on the front of them if I remember correctly.

Mahatma coat

That guy with the aerodynamic
hairstyle from A Flock Of Seagulls has a birthday too...

that has to be sorted out too :D

ojewriej

latchyco wrote: »

OP is your long and intresting post not a contradiction in terms ? ....

So, what colour underpants John was wearing when he wrote 'Strawberry Fields Forever'?

Homer

ojewriej wrote: »

So, what colour underpants John was wearing when he wrote 'Strawberry Fields Forever'?

I don't know how he knows (nor do I want to) but patmac has answered that question two posts ago

Latchy

ojewriej wrote: »

So, what colour underpants John was wearing when he wrote 'Strawberry Fields Forever'?

See through ones with no colour ,just like the glass onion he was eating at the time

FrCrilly

What would it take to re-unite the Beatles?

Two Bullets.

patmac

industria wrote: »

I don't know how he knows (nor do I want to) but patmac has answered that question two posts ago

Yeah I was there still haven't recovered form the trauma.

Latchy

FrCrilly wrote: »

What would it take to re-unite the Beatles?

Two Bullets.

for paul and ringo ? that would really re- unite them