The Pun appreciation thread!

dak

Police have now cordoned off Dublin airport in case some of the chickens on the run try to wing it to Thighland .

The Police commissione has advised that he is not happy with progress to date and that the chief investigator is like a headless chicken

KFC have asked to be kept abreast !

Al_Fernz

Yeah - I'm going to lay off them for a while

dak

Police have captured and grilled several chicken suspects found lurking suspiciously in a field

They were belived to have run afoul of some local ducks . Police say this was eiderdown to this reason or the fact that they refused to talk to Gardai. Not a chirp was heard out of them!

Al_Fernz

KFC have just released a statement denying any responsibility in the incident. "There is not a colonel of truth in any of these accusations" a spokesman said today.

dak

The Garda band have just been issued with new drumsticks .

A spokesman for the band said crime doesn't pay and he hoped the chickens that escaped would Take Away this fact one last time.

The spokesman wasn't sure who cooked up the last lot but he said that an outcome was imminent and the forecast for Gardai was lickin good ! They have them fingered !

dak

I'm very sad as my dog Fred has just run off with some old chicken !

Homer

Yeah lets all go out and get laid

dak

Gardai have issued an all bulletin warning! The chickens are now believed to be armed and dangerous and must be apreHENed soon. The SOUPerintentant said that the suspects should only be aPoached with caution.

He has put his two best garda on this case Sam and Ella !

dak

industria wrote: »

Yeah lets all go out and get laid

The Boiling egg was heard to say it will take me a while to get hard as i was only laid this morning!

ChocolateSauce

I woke up to a tap on my door this morning.

Man my plumber is weird.

The Bollox

theozster wrote: »

I woke up to a tap on my door this morning.

Man my plumber is weird.

:faceplant:

for fawcett sake!

Al_Fernz

theozster wrote: »

I woke up to a tap on my door this morning.

Man my plumber is weird.

Pipe down mate

water joke

dak

theozster wrote: »

I woke up to a tap on my door this morning.

Man my plumber is weird.

I woke up this morning to find a big washer in the bed...........the missus !!

Homer

theozster wrote: »

I woke up to a tap on my door this morning.

Man my plumber is weird.

Your plumber was forced to quit his job because it had become too much of a drain.

The Bollox

industria wrote: »

Your plumber was forced to quit his job because it had become too much of a drain.

the reason he gave for leaving was "the job was irrigating"

My plumber wanted to learn to play golf, so he took the plunger, but went round the bend as he couldn't tee off

dak

Deleted User wrote: »

water joke

Did that just come gushing out ?

Homer

Actually, seriously do think we need a plumber... There's some sh*te floating around here

Ouch! hit below the waterline!

yep! this thread has plumbed the depths of punitative puns

dak

industria wrote: »

Actually, seriously do think we need a plumber... There's some sh*te floating around here

An Industria l one I guess !

The monkey business in-dis-tree is branching out to other fields and are getting fed up working for peanuts!

The Bollox

why can't you fond any aspirin in the jungle?



it would be economically unsound to try and sell pharacuticals in a densely unpopulated rainforest

dak

The Bollox wrote: »

why can't you fond any aspirin in the jungle?



it would be economically unsound to try and sell pharacuticals in a densely unpopulated rainforest

Asprain mankle luking udder day! Dam asprain was solubull !

mayordenis

I need a new hair cut
But I can't decide on anything
I'll need to mullet over.

©mayordenis

mayordenis

GREAT STORY ALERT!

I was in a taxi with my friends we were on our way to some club and were all a bit drunk one of our friends was wearing a shirt that was distinctly lumberjackish,
So we were all making terrible tree related puns which i'll add if i ever remember them,
But that taxi driver was getting pissed of with stopped the Car SCREECHED!! to a halt

turns around and says
"Right, Calm down or I'll Have to call the special branch"

when he dropped us off one us said like "have a good night"

His reply "i'll try and stick it out"

dak

mayordenis wrote: »

GREAT STORY ALERT!

I was in a taxi with my friends we were on our way to some club and were all a bit drunk one of our friends was wearing a shirt that was distinctly lumberjackish,
So we were all making terrible tree related puns which i'll add if i ever remember them,
But that taxi driver was getting pissed of with stopped the Car SCREECHED!! to a halt

turns around and says
"Right, Calm down or I'll Have to call the special branch"

when he dropped us off one us said like "have a good night"

His reply "i'll try and stick it out"

I suppose you had Tree friends with you rather than two? One called Ashley ,Elmily and Virginia ( all with chestnut hair) . Wooden mind haveing being in your shoes!

The mad inventer built a wooden car, it had a wooden frame, wooden seats, wooden engine & wooden wheels.

Unfortunately for hom he found out that it wooden go!

The Bollox

lads, lads, what's with all the tree jokes?

either leaf it out or branch onto a new topic.

Some trees are so lazy that they are happy when the railways came, they got jobs as sleepers...