The Pun appreciation thread!

dak

If I were to B-52 tomorrow I'd be bombed out of my head !

dak

This thread is boeing so big that by 7:47 it will be a Jumbo

Homer

I concorr-de

toosb

The thread is nose-diving now.

Gordon

Are we back onto trees now, because I have a lovely small BANZAIIIII!!!!! that needs pruning.

dak

Gordon wrote: »

Are we back onto trees now, because I have a lovely small BANZAIIIII!!!!! that needs pruning.

That so sweet its got to be rowntree !

Homer

That should be chopped in fairness..

dak

( TO be said in your best scottish accent)


If I was an Ash and got up-rooted, would I leave behind my Ash Hole?

What a treemendus thread, where's Kate Bush?

dak

Deleted User wrote: »

What a treemendus thread, where's Kate Bush?

I think shes still "under the ivy" !

wow wow wow wooow! I bet she's a bit of an old shrub by now.

Homer

A small shrub clinging to the walls of the Grand Canyon is a Gorge Bush

dak

Deleted User wrote: »

wow wow wow wooow! I bet she's a bit of an old shrub by now.

An Olde shrubber ! Kate it or leaf it !

Homer

Those who plant trees be-leaf in the future.

dak

Fir is a the only tree for men !

Hagar

There once was a young man who had just left the doctors office after learning he was dying. He was understandably very upset by the news. He decided to find out what alternatives to medicine might be available and the very same day headed to the city's main public library to investigate further. Tucked away back in a dusty corner was an obviously old book on unusual facts. Searching through it, he stumbled across an entry concerning an account of some immortal porpoises living in Central Africa. Deciding on the spot that this was his salvation, he soon was on his way across the ocean to deepest darkest Africa. Hating to fly, he'd booked passage on an outgoing ocean liner. As the ship neared the coast, he spied some sea gulls nurturing their broods along a craggy cliff. He soon thereafter disembarked and after acquiring enough provisions and equipment for an extended trek, headed into the interior in search of the immortal porpoises. After many days of slogging through interminable jungle, he came upon a clearing and saw what he took to be porpoises swimming within a pool in the center of the clearing. He excitedly rushed up to the pool and asked the porpoises (who amazingly enough could talk and indeed spoke excellent English) for the secret to immortality. One of the porpoises replied that yes they would give him the secret, but he would have to first do something for them. He of course replied with a resounding yes before he even knew what it was. The porpoise continued that they'd had a hankering for some baby sea gulls, which were in obvious short supply in Central Africa, and that they'd give him the secret of immortality if he'd bring them some baby sea gulls. He agreed and remembering where he'd last seem some, but discouraged because he knew it was a long way back, headed back to the coast to get the baby sea gulls. He finally arrived after days of travel and successfully gathered several of the birds without being pecked to death by the angry parents. After safely enclosing them in some cages he'd brought along, he again headed back to the clearing in the jungle. When he finally arrived at the clearing he was dismayed to find that a pride of lions was lounging around the pool blocking all access to the porpoises and appearing to be in no hurry to move on. Frantically pondering what to do he remembered the tranquilizer gun that he'd brought along. Taking it out and loading it, he calmly tranquilized all the lions. Elated he took the cages with the young sea gulls and headed toward the porpoises in the pool. Just as he was about to step over the sleeping lions, a game warden stepped out of the jungle and said to him. "Hold on there you can't do that!" "Why not?" said the man. "Because" said the game warden, "it's illegal to transport young gulls across sedated lions for immortal porpoises!"

Hagar

If that didn't push you over the edge, try this one...


A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing: She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them. Generally the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?" He hadn't and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing."
Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well? Is she selling drugs?" she asked, excitement pouring out with her voice. "No, she's not." he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have. "Well,? What is it, then? What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked. The man grinned and said, "She's a battery salesman." "A battery salesman?" cried the wife. "Yes." he replied, "She sells 'C' cells by the sea shore!"

dak

Hagar wrote: »

If that didn't push you over the edge, try this one...


A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing: She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them. Generally the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?" He hadn't and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing."
Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well? Is she selling drugs?" she asked, excitement pouring out with her voice. "No, she's not." he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have. "Well,? What is it, then? What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked. The man grinned and said, "She's a battery salesman." "A battery salesman?" cried the wife. "Yes." he replied, "She sells 'C' cells by the sea shore!"

Tree bien! Unbeleafable!- Viva La France !

Thrill

How did we get lumbered with tree puns? Once they take root, they're hard to shift.

dak

Thrill wrote: »

How did we get lumbered with tree puns? Once they take root, they're hard to shift.

I saw it , but the axe fell and the ash settled. Stilll it could get worse if Daisy Mooooved in to start a cowpath . You would have no udder choice but to milk it for all its worth !

The Bollox

milk puns now? this thread is in danger of turning sour

dak

The Bollox wrote: »

milk puns now? this thread is in danger of turning sour

I herd it was ! Did you know that the General used to live on Cowper road ! No Bull!

The Bollox

this thread is going to need some bovine intervention if it is to be saved

dak

If the big calf was ever to get into the playboy mansion it would be a Huge Heifer !

Gordon

Chinese officials are currently deliberating whether or not to allow Daisy to enter for this years 100 metre Olympic Curdles event.

The Bollox

that joke was whey too cheesy

Homer

I once knew a cat that ate some cheese, and waited for a mouse...





....wiith baited breath.

Beanstalk

Wow this is getting crazy, this is really turning into emmental thread, although I couldn't give edam about cheese puns to be honest....

Al_Fernz

We really are milking all these cow puns for all they're worth - does anybody have any udder suggestions before this thread gets veal-ly out of hand?

Al_Fernz

Beanstalk wrote: »

Wow this is getting crazy, this is really turning into emmental thread, although I couldn't give edam about cheese puns to be honest....

Curd that brie any more cheesey!