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The Pun appreciation thread!

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    #452
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    industria wrote: »
    When bottled water is cheap it's called a liquidation sale. Ah the puns are coming flooding back to me! Let's hope we don't all drift apart.. We could end up in hot water!

    Dam you ! Sorry .......should not be rude , so... L'eau there ! and a wave ! After due consideration It is better not to go to Ex-streams .


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    #453
    RadioCity
    Registered Users Posts: 340 ✭✭RadioCity


    Oh please!

    Pool yourselves together you useless shower! :D

    Anybody care to tap into any more puns?


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    #454
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,315 ✭✭✭Homer


    Well I used to be a tap dancer till I fell into the sink! :pac:


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    #455
    The Bollox
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,372 ✭✭✭The Bollox


    your dreams fairly went down the toilet then. still you know what they say: man who drops watch in toilet have sh*tty time


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    #456
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    The Bollox wrote: »
    your dreams fairly went down the toilet then. still you know what they say: man who drops watch in toilet have sh*tty time

    I'm Confuious and drained reading all this plumbology ! Its becoming a cesspit rapidly ! Man who fart in church sit in own pew !


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    #457
    RadioCity
    Registered Users Posts: 340 ✭✭RadioCity


    Man who fart in church sit in own pew !

    Amen to that! I must confess, that was quite good!


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    #458
    guy2454
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43 ✭guy2454


    could get done for this but funny.guy reversing into parking space says to passenger ,"is there a pole behind me?",passenger says "nah you're alright, he's lithuanian",sorry no offence intended.


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    #459
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,315 ✭✭✭Homer


    In parking lots, arguments often start from scratch! Chronic illegal parkers suffer from parking-zones disease...

    I'll just wheel on out of here now!


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    #460
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    industria wrote: »
    In parking lots, arguments often start from scratch! Chronic illegal parkers suffer from parking-zones disease...

    I'll just wheel on out of here now!


    While Parking sons car I lost my Motor Skills , lost my nerve and banged up his brand new porshe. I don't think Parking sons motor diseasy any more!


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    #461
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,315 ✭✭✭Homer


    Dak didn't you know, those who write about disease become ill-literate :pac:


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    #462
    The Bollox
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,372 ✭✭✭The Bollox


    industria wrote: »
    Dak didn't you know, those who write about disease become ill-literate :pac:

    that's a sick joke! :pac:


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    #463
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    The Bollox wrote: »
    that's a sick joke! :pac:

    Is it Terminal though ?


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    #464
    The Bollox
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,372 ✭✭✭The Bollox


    dak wrote: »
    Is it Terminal though ?

    of corpse! it's a very grave joke


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    #465
    Al_Fernz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,021 ✭✭✭Al_Fernz


    I went to a Premature Ejaculation Anonymous meeting the other day but nobody was there.

    I think I came too early.


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    #466
    Milky Joe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 49 ✭Milky Joe


    I used to be a werewolf, but i'm alright nowwwwwwwwwwwwww!!


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    #467
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    Al_Fernz wrote: »
    I went to a Premature Ejaculation Anonymous meeting the other day but nobody was there.

    I think I came too early.

    A bit of a cock up the hen ?


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    #468
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,315 ✭✭✭Homer


    Hens are eggsperts at what they do! i'm off to get laid :pac:


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    #469
    Al_Fernz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,021 ✭✭✭Al_Fernz


    dak wrote: »
    A bit of a cock up the hen ?

    Ah yeah - I felt shafted


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    #470
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    industria wrote: »
    Hens are eggsperts at what they do! i'm off to get laid :pac:

    Sunny side up! The boiling egg said to saucepan " it will take me a few minutes to get hard as I was only laid this morning" !

    Stags love eggspert hens.....................Oh Dear !


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    #471
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,315 ✭✭✭Homer


    Anyone watching the euro 2008 football recently?

    Was watching Holland play and I thought I'd like to visit there?

    Wooden shoe? :pac:


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    #472
    The Bollox
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,372 ✭✭✭The Bollox


    industria wrote: »
    Anyone watching the euro 2008 football recently?

    Was watching Holland play and I thought I'd like to visit there?

    Wooden shoe? :pac:

    they left the field very slowly after their last match. they weren't Russian :pac:


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    #473
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    Germany are having a pre semi final nosh up .

    On the meny for dinner is Turkey and ham with a hint of Basel followed by a desert : vienna-eta hopefully .


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    #474
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 31,118 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    They didn't enjoy the meal much, as it was too greecey.


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    #475
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,315 ✭✭✭Homer


    I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter, Spain good, but there is Norway I could eat another bite :pac:


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    #476
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    Trouble and strife just bought a 5 year old white VW Polo .

    The garage she bought it from said it was in mint condition. However when I had a look it there was a big hole in the middle! Maybe that happened after she wrapped it roundtree ?


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    #477
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,315 ✭✭✭Homer


    Dak, you should have thrown some jelly at the wife, although she might have you arrested for carrying a congealed weapon!
    Just to drive home your point?


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    #478
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    industria wrote: »
    Dak, you should have thrown some jelly at the wife, although she might have you arrested for carrying a congealed weapon!
    Just to drive home your point?

    Icecream at the thought of throwing jelly at the wife .Sounds like great fun but would give me the chivers and I'd end up wobbling all over the place ! She'd have me making jelly babies !

    Speaking of which heres' a jelly baby joke !




    A Jelly Baby walks into a bar and starts talking to a Smartie.

    After a few beers the Smartie says "Ere, a bunch of us are heading
    to that new club, fancy tagging along?"

    The Jelly Baby says "No mate, I'm a soft centre, I always end up
    getting my head kicked in."

    "So", Smartie says. "Don't worry about it, I'm a bit of a hard case,
    I'll look after you."

    Jelly Baby thinks about it for a minute and says "Fair enough, as long as you'll look after me", and off they go.

    After a few more beers in the club, three Lockets walk in.

    As soon as he sees them, Smartie hides under the table.

    The Lockets take one look at jelly Baby and start kicking him, breaking cola bottles over his little jelly head, lamping him with little sugary chairs, and generally having a laugh.

    After a while they get bored and walk out.

    Jelly Baby pulls his battered Jelly Baby body over to the table and
    wipes up his Jelly Baby blood.

    He turns to Smartie and says, "I thought you were going to look after me."

    "I was!" says Smartie, "But those Lockets are f*ckin' menthol!".


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    #479
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,315 ✭✭✭Homer


    Hey, my wife brought home some ky jelly the other night and said, "This is going to make you happy tonight!"
    She was feckin right as well......I spread it all over the door knobs and she couldn't get back in!


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    #480
    Beanstalk
    Registered Users Posts: 1,212 ✭✭✭Beanstalk


    Did you hear about the nail that went bad? He turned into a criminail, it all went horribly wrong when he tried to screw his gangmates girlfriend, a feat nigh impossible for a nail. His verdict was decided under the judges hammer...


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    #481
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,315 ✭✭✭Homer


    I used to know a Dentist and Manicurist who fought tooth and nail!!


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