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The Pun appreciation thread!

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    #482
    It BeeMee
    Registered Users Posts: 748 ✭✭✭It BeeMee


    I knew a snake charmer that married an undertaker.
    Everything was marked "Hiss" and "Hearse"


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    #483
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,315 ✭✭✭Homer


    Two snakes seperated after a long relationship.. One said to the other "fangs for the memories".

    Let's not get all hiss-terical now ok!


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    #484
    The Hill Billy
    Registered Users Posts: 22,777 ✭✭✭✭The Hill Billy


    Those sort of break-ups can leave you rattled. As my mamba used to say to me - "You need to viper from your mind, python your glad rags & go enjoy yourself."


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    #485
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,315 ✭✭✭Homer


    Just heard the two snakes decided to get back together.. They've recently given birth to a bouncing baby boa :pac:


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    #486
    jobucks
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 801 ✭✭✭jobucks


    industria wrote: »
    Just heard the two snakes decided to get back together.. They've recently given birth to a bouncing baby boa :pac:

    I thought that they couldn't multiply as they were adders ???

    :rolleyes:


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    #487
    The Hill Billy
    Registered Users Posts: 22,777 ✭✭✭✭The Hill Billy


    industria wrote: »
    Just heard the two snakes decided to get back together.. They've recently given birth to a bouncing baby boa :pac:
    I heard that it was a one-night-stand & that they were both legless.


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    #488
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,315 ✭✭✭Homer


    I went on holidays recently with some Luggage made of snakeskin...


    They only went and charged me for ex-hiss baggage?


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    #489
    The Hill Billy
    Registered Users Posts: 22,777 ✭✭✭✭The Hill Billy


    That's a pity, coz if your luggage was leather it would only cost you a tanner.


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    #490
    Alice1
    Registered Users Posts: 2,646 ✭✭✭Alice1


    Once upon a time, the brave knight, Sir Knighty McKnight was riding through the forest on his noble steed (named Séamus). Clip clopping along when suddenly, the noble steed lost a shoe. "Oh janey mack, my noble steed has lost shoe - I'm in trouble now cos I'm gonna be late for the battle"
    He dismounted the noble steed and walked beside him for a while pondering what to do.
    Then he saw a light in a house in a clearing in the forest. When he got to the house he saw it was the house of a lowly peasant. He knocked on the door and said"Lowly peasant, I am the brave knight Sir Knighty McKnight and my noble steed Séamus has lost a shoe. Pray lend me your horse so I may go to battle" The lowly peasant said "I haven't got no horse mister - nor even a donkey"
    "You have no beast at all?" queried the knight.

    "Weeeelll, I have - but him's a dog. Him's an Irish Wolfhound" said the lowly peasant.

    "I s'pose he'll have to do - I must get to the battle" said Sir Knighty.

    "Ah no" said the peasant. "Sure I couldn't let a knight out on a dog like that"


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    #491
    The Hill Billy
    Registered Users Posts: 22,777 ✭✭✭✭The Hill Billy


    A knight riding a dog into battle?
    He must be barking mad.


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    #492
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 31,118 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    The canine ruff guide to London includes such attactions as the Isle of dogs & Barking.


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    #493
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,315 ✭✭✭Homer


    The weather lately would depress you.. It's been raining cats and dogs. There were poodles all over the road.


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    #494
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 31,118 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Red setter at night sheepdog's delight!


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    #495
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,315 ✭✭✭Homer


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Red setter at night sheepdog's delight!

    Now, you're just getting some sheep thrills there :pac:


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    #496
    The Hill Billy
    Registered Users Posts: 22,777 ✭✭✭✭The Hill Billy


    Quit horsing around you pair! It is getting on my goat.


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    #497
    Al_Fernz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,021 ✭✭✭Al_Fernz


    A bear goes into a bar and says: "Excuse me barman, can I have a.............................................................................................pint of Guinness."

    The Barman: "Sure, why the long paws"


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    #498
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 31,118 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Hill Billy wrote: »
    Quit horsing around you pair! It is getting on my goat.


    Okay OKay ... no need to nag!


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    #499
    The Hill Billy
    Registered Users Posts: 22,777 ✭✭✭✭The Hill Billy


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Okay OKay ... no need to nag!

    Me, nag? Neigh, neigh & thrice neigh!


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    #500
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,315 ✭✭✭Homer


    Hill Billy wrote: »
    Me, nag? Neigh, neigh & thrice neigh!

    Stop it now.. You're a night-mare!


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    #501
    The Hill Billy
    Registered Users Posts: 22,777 ✭✭✭✭The Hill Billy


    I bridled at your comment. But you spurred me to say that you're saddled with me now chaps.


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    #502
    Jesus Wept
    Registered Users Posts: 25,243 ✭✭✭✭Jesus Wept


    horse


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    #503
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 31,118 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    neigh!! a pony, cost £20 you know.


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    #504
    The Bollox
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,372 ✭✭✭The Bollox


    Deleted User wrote: »
    neigh!! a pony, cost £20 you know.

    €20? SCORE!


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    #505
    WindSock
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,239 ✭✭✭✭WindSock


    I went for an interview with a blacksmith yesterday. He asked me if i ever shoed a horse. I said no, but I once told a dog to fuck off!


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    #506
    The Hill Billy
    Registered Users Posts: 22,777 ✭✭✭✭The Hill Billy


    What a load of cobblers!


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    #507
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,315 ✭✭✭Homer


    You sure it was a real horse and not a phony?


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    #508
    The Bollox
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,372 ✭✭✭The Bollox


    industria wrote: »
    You sure it was a real horse and not a phony?

    not sure, I'll have to mule it over


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    #509
    garrincha62
    Registered Users Posts: 377 ✭✭garrincha62


    I'll have the crocodile steak please waiter. And make it snappy...


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    #510
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,315 ✭✭✭Homer


    In some countries steaks are rare, but if you can find one, well done!


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    #511
    The Hill Billy
    Registered Users Posts: 22,777 ✭✭✭✭The Hill Billy


    I want more meat-related puns & I want them now!
    C'mon, chop-chop!


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