The Pun appreciation thread!

oobydooby

dak wrote: »

Bob was not the only one arrested for growing marijuana when the cops found out that it was actually a joint venture.

The cops are on a roll. They must have smoked Bob out of his hole.

dak

oobydooby wrote: »

The cops are on a roll. They must have smoked Bob out of his hole.

They nearly made a hash of it!

oobydooby

dak wrote: »

They nearly made a hash of it!

When the cops arrived Bob's mate was heard saying 'This is a tense spot. We'd be better elsewhere'

The Hill Billy

Let's not blow this out of all proportion though.

tenandtracer

Some of these jokes were done by Hal Roach

dak

tenandtracer wrote: »

Some of these jokes were done by Hal Roach

Back to fish puns then !!!! Have you being perched there long ?

Alice1

Are some of these puns out of plaice?

tenandtracer

dak wrote: »

Back to fish puns then !!!! Have you being perched there long ?

ahh it was not supposed to be a fish pun - now I feel like a dope!!!

dak

tenandtracer wrote: »

ahh it was not supposed to be a fish pun - now I feel like a dope!!!

If you were shark you could feel like a tope !

tenandtracer

dak wrote: »

If you were shark you could feel like a tope !

When caught, this would be tope on a rope - presumably!

oobydooby

dak wrote: »

If you were shark you could feel like a tope !

If two sharks had the same chemical composition would they be isotopes?

dak

oobydooby wrote: »

If two sharks had the same chemical composition would they be isotopes?

Hmmmmmmmmm ! Have to think about that ! It could be a Great White lie !

dak

Once upon a time (1/T), pretty little Polly Nomial was strolling across a field of vectors when she came to the edge of a singularly large matrix.

Now Polly was convergent and her mother had made it an absolute condition that she must never enter such an array without her brackets on. Polly, however, who had changed her variables that morning and was feeling particularly badly behaved, ignored these conditions on the ground that they were unnecessary, and made her way amongst the complex elements.

Rows and columns enveloped her on both sides. Tangents approached her surface; she became tensor and tensor. Quite suddenly two branches of a hyperbola touched her at a single point. She oscillated violently, lost all sense of direction and went completely divergent. As she reached a turning point she tripped over a square root which was protruding from the erf and plunged headlong down a steep gradient. When she was differentiated once more she found herself alone, apparently in a non-Euclidian space.

She was being watched however. That smooth operator, Curly Pi, was lurking inner product. As his eyes devoured her curvilinear co-ordinates, a singular expression crossed his face. Was she still convergent, he wondered. He decided to integrate at once.

Hearing a vulgar fraction behind her, Polly turned round and saw Curly Pi approaching with his power series expanding. She could see at once by his degenerate conic and his dissipative terms that he was bent on no good.

"Eureka" she gasped.

"Ho Ho" he said, "what a symmetric little polynomial you are. I can see you're absolutely bubbling over with secs."

"Oh Sir", she protested, "keep away from me, I haven't got my brackets on."

"Calm yourself, my dear," said our suave operator, "your fears are purely imaginary."

"i,i," she thought. "Perhaps he's homogeneous then."

"What order are you," the brute demanded.

"Seventeen", replied Polly.

Curly leered. "I suppose you've never been operated on yet", he said.

"Of course not," Polly exclaimed indignantly. "I'm absolutely convergent".

"Come, come," said Curly, "let's go off to a decimal place, and I'll take you to the limit".

"Never" gasped Polly.

"Abscissa" he swore, using the vilest oath he knew. His patience was gone. Coshing her over the coefficient with a log until she was powerless, Curly removed her discontinuities. He stared at her significant places and began smoothing her points of inflection. Poor Polly, all was up. She felt his digit tending to her asymptotic limit. Her convergence was gone for ever.

There was no mercy, for Curly was a Heavyside operator. He integrated by parts. He integrated by partial fractions. The complex beast even went all the way round and did a contour integration. What an indignity - to be multiply connected at her first integration. Curly went on operating until he was absolutely and completely orthogonal.

When Polly got home that evening her mother noticed that she was truncated in several places. But it was too late to differentiate now. As the months went by, Polly increased monotonically. Finally, she generated a small but pathological function which left surds all over the place until she was driven to distraction.

The moral of the story is this: If you want to keep your expressions convergent, never allow them a single degree of freedom.

The Volt

dak wrote: »

Hmmmmmmmmm ! Have to think about that ! It could be a Great White lie !

This is wreaking haddock on my eyes to read

have a kipper and you'll be bass for more, or are you floundering.

The Volt

Bait a minute..

A7X

stop u may catch something

The Volt

DJ FISHO

STAY IN SCHOOLS

A7X

or the gym and you could get mussels...

The Volt

There's a ray of light shining on us all

tenandtracer

I'm hard of herring - can you say that again please.

dak

tenandtracer wrote: »

I'm hard of herring - can you say that again please.

Theres something on the line .....Theres something on the line .... good grief its John Dory calling !

tenandtracer

Yup, it's a poisson to poisson call.

dak

tenandtracer wrote: »

Yup, it's a poisson to poisson call.

Get a grip man... your falling to pisces !

tenandtracer

so D-ak, are we moving on to astrology now??

The Volt

I would love to star in that

according to my stars, I don't believe in astrology.

Mr. Presentable

You can lead a whore to culture but you can't make her dig the garden

Beanstalk

Howya folks, haven't posted here in a while, been on holidays. I've just been catching up on the news though and i've heard this whole thing about Russia and Georgia. I don't understand what the problem is! Sure if Russia want to invade Georgia, then so-vi-et....

dak

tenandtracer wrote: »

so D-ak, are we moving on to astrology now??

I'm really over the moon about astrology- when you fall to pisces its a sign of fish on the net.