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The Pun appreciation thread!

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    #812
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    I'm bamboozled by some of these puns ! I can't bear it anymore so I'm going ....... ...........going down to the woods for a surprise !


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    #813
    oobydooby
    Closed Accounts Posts: 697 ✭✭✭oobydooby


    Daddy bear went down the woods one afternoon to bury a poor human that he had gratuitously mauled. He brought his six sons with him, all carrying their pickaxes and spades. They found the spot where they usually hid the human bodies and were getting ready to dig. Suddenly baby bear, who was keeping sketch, hissed a warning that some people were coming. The bears all dived into the bushes. Two little girls passed without being harmed or noticing anything untoward and the bears emerged from their hiding places to get back to work but to their annoyance they found that their pick axes were gone. 'WTF' cried baby bear. The other brothers howled and waved their paws with similar displeasure. Daddy bear stroked his daddy-bear-chin and said 'What a retard daddy bear I am. I'd forgotten that today's the day the teddy bears have their picks nicked'.


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    #814
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    Two geologists were staring at a huge fissure in a cliff face and one was overheard to say 'It's not my fault'.


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    #815
    tenandtracer
    Registered Users Posts: 1,540 ✭✭✭tenandtracer


    dak wrote: »
    Two geologists were staring at a huge fissure in a cliff face and one was overheard to say 'It's not my fault'.

    Those lads were only there for the crack.


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    #816
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    tenandtracer wrote: »
    Those lads were only there for the crack.

    Yeah! Fissure they were. Can't see any fault with that!


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    #817
    WindSock
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,239 ✭✭✭✭WindSock


    Couldn't have made a boulder statement.


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    #818
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    WindSock wrote: »
    Couldn't have made a boulder statement.

    Long Live Rock and Roll ! - gather no Moss unless its Kate! Isn't that a good business model !


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    #819
    ChocolateSauce
    Registered Users Posts: 2,892 ✭✭✭ChocolateSauce


    A woodland ecologist was given the task of analysing a patch of grassland. He protested that that wasn't his field.


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    #820
    gabigeist
    Closed Accounts Posts: 121 ✭✭gabigeist


    ChocolateSauce wrote: »
    A woodland ecologist was given the task of analysing a patch of grassland. He protested that that wasn't his field.

    He should have been glade to get the work. Passing up work is a plain sign your pasture best.


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    #821
    tenandtracer
    Registered Users Posts: 1,540 ✭✭✭tenandtracer


    He should have reported it to the copse!


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    #822
    patmac
    Registered Users Posts: 7,575 ✭✭✭patmac


    tenandtracer wrote: »
    He should have reported it to the copse!

    No I believed he's turned over a new leaf.


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    #823
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 31,118 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    patmac wrote: »
    No I believed he's turned over a new leaf.


    no he was beating around the bush before special branch were informed.


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    #824
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    Deleted User wrote: »
    no he was beating around the bush before special branch were informed.

    The special branch had to axe the case...the evidence was planted!!


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    #825
    oobydooby
    Closed Accounts Posts: 697 ✭✭✭oobydooby


    They twigged it that he was out of his tree.


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    #826
    Hagar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,793 ✭✭✭✭Hagar


    He was barking mad.


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    #827
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    Hagar wrote: »
    He was barking mad.

    Glad you got that of your Chestnut ..Acorny one . When he got fired up it all ended in Ashes.


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    #828
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 31,118 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    dak wrote: »
    When he got fired up it all ended in Ashes.

    That's just not Cricket! they were stumped and bowled over by the lack of evidence.


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    #829
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    Deleted User wrote: »
    That's just not Cricket! they were stumped and bowled over by the lack of evidence.

    Well done Batman! Good job you weren't Robbin or you'd have got creased !


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    #830
    oobydooby
    Closed Accounts Posts: 697 ✭✭✭oobydooby


    somebody's sure to bring up a silly point.


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    #831
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    oobydooby wrote: »
    somebody's sure to bring up a silly point.

    My heads spinning with this pun . I think its gone over my head !


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    #832
    oobydooby
    Closed Accounts Posts: 697 ✭✭✭oobydooby


    Reminds me of a girl I was chatting up at a cricket match. She kept going on about getting runs like it was the whole point of being. I maiden over that she couldn't refuse and we went for an oobydooby cabbage stew. She got the runs but she never spoke to me again.


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    #833
    spoutwell
    Closed Accounts Posts: 82 ✭✭spoutwell


    I was seeing a girl with a wooden leg for a while. It was something very casual. In the end I just broke it off.


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    #834
    oobydooby
    Closed Accounts Posts: 697 ✭✭✭oobydooby


    spoutwell wrote: »
    I was seeing a girl with a wooden leg for a while. It was something very casual. In the end I just broke it off.

    Your ex was trying to get into a night club without paying and the bouncer told her to hop it.


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    #835
    A Primal Nut
    Registered Users Posts: 5,949 ✭✭✭A Primal Nut


    oobydooby wrote: »
    Your ex was trying to get into a night club without paying and the bouncer told her to hop it.

    Serves her right for being legless.


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    #836
    spoutwell
    Closed Accounts Posts: 82 ✭✭spoutwell


    To tell you the truth, it got to me in the end, the way she never wanted to stand on her own two feet.


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    #837
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,792 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    spoutwell wrote: »
    I was seeing a girl with a wooden leg for a while. It was something very casual. In the end I just broke it off.
    Been there. She tried to sue me but hadn't a leg to stand on. Totally stumped when it was plane to see she wouldn't get a foot in the door.

    She's running around in circles", according to a close friend, "she will need all the support she can get. It's not like it's easy to walk out on a relationship like this"

    Reason the bouncer wouldn't let her in is cos she drank so much , 15 pints a night, she must have hollow legs. Still she did like hip hop.

    Still it will be difficult to find a woman who could fill her shoe, but I really had to leave her she was so unbalanced.

    If you are out there , "Come on Eileen"


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    #838
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,792 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    I have nothing against her and her remaining leg....................but then again neither does she!

    She entered a beauty contest but didn't make it to the second leg.


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    #839
    Mr Benevolent
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,456 ✭✭✭✭Mr Benevolent


    If anyone spoke any of the above puns in public they'd be executed by firing squad.

    That was not a pun.


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    #840
    A Primal Nut
    Registered Users Posts: 5,949 ✭✭✭A Primal Nut


    Confab wrote: »
    If anyone spoke any of the above puns in public they'd be executed by firing squad.

    That was not a pun.

    Oh Stop it! Your killing me!


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    #841
    A Primal Nut
    Registered Users Posts: 5,949 ✭✭✭A Primal Nut


    spoutwell wrote: »
    I was seeing a girl with a wooden leg for a while. It was something very casual. In the end I just broke it off.

    So tell me, would you ever go down on one knee again?


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