The Pun appreciation thread!

Homer

Dak thinks he knows alot about government, but he doesn't. Politics me off.

MickyMoo

Major (Fianna) Fail!

Alice1

OH dear I'm laughing so much I may go into Labour

dak

If I had 2 ma's I would say vote for Na MA! Is Fear liom na mna !

NH2909

While visiting the graveyard last Tuesday some men walked by me carrying
a coffin. Ten minutes later they passed backed carrying the same coffin another ten maybe fifteen later the passed again with the same coffin,
I thought they have lost the plot.

Sharpshooter

Or the head,stone the crows that will die a death.

dak

NH2909 wrote: »

While visiting the graveyard last Tuesday some men walked by me carrying
a coffin. Ten minutes later they passed backed carrying the same coffin another ten maybe fifteen later the passed again with the same coffin,
I thought they have lost the plot.

Thats a very grave story ! But I dig it !

Alice1

The late Mahatma Gandhi was one of the greatest men of the last century.
He walked many mile in his bare feet - thus causing severe painful calluses
He chose a difficult life and became somewhat fragile towards the end of his life
He fasted for many days which caused his breath to become a little unpleasant at times.
Therefore:























He was a super-callused-fragile-mystic-with-extreme-halitosis.



Couldn't help meself!

Sharpshooter

Alice1 wrote: »

The late Mahatma Gandhi was one of the greatest men of the last century.
He walked many mile in his bare feet - thus causing severe painful calluses
He chose a difficult life and became somewhat fragile towards the end of his life
He fasted for many days which caused his breath to become a little unpleasant at times.
Therefore:























He was a super-callused-fragile-mystic-with-extreme-halitosis.



Couldn't help meself!

I think the last bit should be " Hexed with Halitosis"

It was the last time I saw it anyway.:pac:

I'll get Ma hat.

Alice1

*Ali does the whole thinned lips look*

Lookit, I never said I made it up myself - did I? I just passed it on.

*Ali stomps off in a temper*

Sharpshooter

Alice1 wrote: »

*Ali does the whole thinned lips look*

Lookit, I never said I made it up myself - did I? I just passed it on.

*Ali stomps off in a temper*

I was just pointing out the original version.
I didn't say you were trying to pass it off as your own, sure that would be silly as it's been around for ages.:)

Carsinian Thau

Sharpshooter wrote: »

I was just pointing out the original version.
I didn't say you were trying to pass it off as your own, sure that would be silly as it's been around for ages.:)

I'm sorry SS.

But it sounds as if you've made a mortal enemy.

Sharpshooter

The stamping of the feet gave it away.

Mortal combat is not my thing.

dak

A thousand dogs were stolen from a pet shop on Saturday. Police say they have no leads !!!

Homer

Barking Mad.. Make no bones about it! You aint nothing but a hound-dog!

dak

Man to dog trainer: "Every time a bell rings, my dog goes into the corner."
Dog trainer: "That's OK, he is a Boxer."

Sharpshooter

dak wrote: »

A thousand dogs were stolen from a pet shop on Saturday. Police say they have no leads !!!

News flash:
All dogs returned to pet shop,Police say it was a howling success.

dak

Sharpshooter wrote: »

News flash:
All dogs returned to pet shop,Police say it was a howling success.

Fox News Update !

The Police tried to spray the dogs but a Pointer found an exit and all made a dashshund and escaped again. Not only do the police have no leads again they also believe it is a collarless crime!

The Police are begging St Bernard to give them some leads but its not a Dunne deal ! The only clue they have is a witness saw the dogs escape over a border collie !

Sharpshooter

Police have said they are taking this seriously and will go through hell and dalmatian to retrieve the dogs.

dak

Chief Superintendent Jack Russell said ( after a big paws ) it was an inside job , no bones about it and that he was about to arrest the Police Mastiff - master K-9 ! He has issued an APB to search all Greyhound buses ! If he had a pound for ever dog that escaped he would be rich! Jack is also following up roumours that K9 had a mate called Peddigree chum helping him !

Rufus.T.Firefly

1. The roundest knight at King Arthurs Round Table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated in an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it`ll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, You stay here, I'll go on a head.

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, Keep off the Grass.

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, No change yet.

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21 A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In a democracy, its your vote that counts. In feudalism, its your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don`t join dangerous cults, practice safe sects!

dak

Stephen Hendry has just overcome a big challenge and written a play based on snooker !
.
.
.
.
.
.
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He said he has the balls for it and that it would start right on cue !

Sharpshooter

That will pocket him some cash or it will fail, if it does fail he can chalk it up to experience.

Mrmoe

Sharpshooter wrote: »

That will pocket him some cash or it will fail, if it does fail he can chalk it up to experience.

or else it will break him, hope he gets the rub of the green and takes it to the maximum.

Sharpshooter

Well if it all goes to pot, lets hope he is left in the black and not in the red.
That would be a sinking feeling I would imagine.

chughes

I understand that in order to restore the train service on the Northern Suburban route, they are going to have to get bridging finance to pay for it. However, because of their track record, this plan may be derailed.

Accountants were never trained in how to run a railway.

chughes

This is true but it gives accountants a platform to fast-track their careers.

dak

chughes wrote: »

This is true but it gives accountants a platform to fast-track their careers.

Is this Virgin on the ridiculous ?

Beanstalk

I once rang up the local recording studios and sang some of my unrequited love songs down the phone to them in the hope they would allow me to come in and use their studio.

After an awkward silence ,they told me that if i removed the strings from my guitar and then tried to play it I would impress them more.

I thought it was sound advice...