The Pun appreciation thread!

dak

RadioCity wrote: »

These golf puns are nonsense and seem to be on a par with the previous cow puns.

Of course we should continue though.

If you want a double eagle...make sure its an Albatross !

The D.C Swan

Correspondence citing farm machinery defects would be a Deere John letter.;)

The D.C Swan

Sorry but the golfing puns were driving me crazy!

dak

The D.C Swan wrote: »

Sorry but the golfing puns were driving me crazy!

Are you acting in a fairway ? Get a grip !

Beanstalk

The D.C Swan wrote: »

Correspondence citing farm machinery defects would be a Deere John letter.;)

There the last day a farmer I knew brought me out to his farm so that I could meet some of the people that worked for him. After meeting some people in the yard we went out in the fields when all of sudden I saw siamese twins out threshing and harvesting corn. I asked the farmer who these were and he said 'oh, sure that's my combine harvester'.....

dak

Beanstalk wrote: »

There the last day a farmer I knew brought me out to his farm so that I could meet some of the people that worked for him. After meeting some people in the yard we went out in the fields when all of sudden I saw siamese twins out threshing and harvesting corn. I asked the farmer who these were and he said 'oh, sure that's my combine harvester'.....

A "corny" joke!

Beanstalk

ah crop i really thought i'd a maize everyone with that....

Thrill

dak wrote: »

A "corny" joke!

Beet me too it.

mickrourke

Thrill wrote: »

Beet me too it.

I ear ya....

Thrill

mickrourke wrote: »

I ear ya....

Maybe we should change the topic. Think they'll lettuce?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Ah, come on head - leaf it out...!

A woman stopped me in the street yesterday and asked me for an examply of a double entendre.... so I gave her one...

Sherifu

Thrill wrote: »

Maybe we should change the topic. Think they'll lettuce?

It'd be a turnip for the books.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

I'll get to the root of all this.

Thrill

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

I'll get to the root of all this.

Hang on a sec, let stalk about it first.

Beanstalk

So the hunchback of notre dame finally fell off the tower and died. There was a mass attendance at his funeral, but when it all over the archbishop came to the sudden realisation: 'merd, what am I going to do about the bells?' So he instructed the entire population of France to find him a new bell ringer, and just when he had lost all hope he heard a smack on his door, followed by an 'ouch'.
Upon opening the door he was astonished to find a man who looked incredibly similar to the hunchback. Although the man declined to tell this bishop his name, he did confide to him that he was actually the late hunchback's long lost brother! There was only a few differences however, while the hunchback had a hump, this man didn't, but while the hunchback also had arms, this man did not....
'Bonsoir' said the man, 'je suis ton nouveau bell ringer'. 'A Bell Ringer?' cried the archbishop, 'but you don't have any arms, you oaf'. 'Take me to the tower' said the man, with confidence (and in a really bad french accent), 'and I will show how to ring the bell like a real man'.
Amused now, the bishop led the late hunchback's brother to the bell tower, and ordered him to ring the bell. The man walked up to the bell, and all of a sudden whacked it with his face! A loud 'dong' resounded throughout Paris and the bell swung away from the man. Unfortunately however, the bell inevitably swung back, and before the bishop could warn him it knocked the man clean out of the bell tower whereupon he fell to cobblestones below, stone dead.
Meanwhile two french peasants walked passed the body and one turned the other and said, 'sacre bleu, what a shame, do you know him?' The other replied 'aiee, no, but his face sure rings a bell.....'
Suddenly the archbishop came running out of the church towards the two peasants and the body. 'Your excellency' cried the first peasant, 'do you know this dead man's name?' 'Non, he never told me', replied the archbishop, 'but he sure is a dead ringer for his brother...'

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Quasimodo has jumped off the Pont Neuf - he's really gone insane....

el_barty

Beanstalk wrote: »

' 'Non, he never told me', replied the archbishop, 'but he sure is a dead ringer for his brother...'

He must have had a hunch he was back.

el_barty

Two lions, Roger and Clarence, go to Dublin for a weekend on the pints. Roger is pretty much a man's man, straightforward hetero, whereas Clarence - well, Clarence minces and simpers, he likes to wear leather, you know the kind of thing. So anyway, they start their pub crawl near their hotel, on Baggot Street, in Toner's. They're enjoying their drinks and the craic, then they finish up and decide to move on to the next pub.

"Where should we try next?" Roger asks.

Clarence consults his guide book. "It says the Cobblestone bar in Smithfields is pretty good - good for music and the like. Shall we try there?"

"Are you crazy?" says Roger. "That's miles away! Why don't we go to Doheny & Nesbitt's, it's just up the street!"

Which all goes to prove...
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The shortest distance between two pints is a straight lion.


I'll show myself out.

Beanstalk

Lions? Aren't they one of the mane teams in rugby? I never liked them much to be honest, or the player's families. But the fact that I don't like them doesn' t mean I would ever injure their pride.

el_barty

Beanstalk wrote: »

Lions? Aren't they one of the mane teams in rugby? I never liked them much to be honest, or the player's families. But the fact that I don't like them doesn' t mean I would ever injure their pride.

Oooh! Don't get catty!

Hagar

Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The flight attendant looks at them and says, “I’m sorry gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

Parsley

Hanging is too good for a man that makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

dak

My grandfather came from eastern Europe.
Russian?
No, he took his time

dak

Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.

dak

She was only a moonshiner, but I loved her still!

el_barty

I just got back from the butchers, where I wasn't allowed to buy half a rabbit. He said he didn't want to split hares.

WindSock

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

Quasimodo has jumped off the Pont Neuf - he's really gone insane....

Quasimodo...that name rings a bell!

Thrill

These bell pun's are taking their toll.

Sherifu

el_barty wrote: »

I just got back from the butchers, where I wasn't allowed to buy half a rabbit. He said he didn't want to split hares.

I'd be hopping mad.

Beanstalk

Sherifu wrote: »

I'd be hopping mad.

Sher-if-u want you could do what i've done and give something back to the rabbits, you could become a haredresser.....