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The Pun appreciation thread!

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    #182
    Al_Fernz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,021 ✭✭✭Al_Fernz


    el_barty wrote: »
    That's why you feel so Jung at heart?

    Anymore perls of wisdom??


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    #183
    oobydooby
    Closed Accounts Posts: 697 ✭✭✭oobydooby


    WindSock wrote: »
    Oh how I love these puns. I think I have found my nietzsche.

    I Kant take many more of these.


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    #184
    WindSock
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,239 ✭✭✭✭WindSock


    oobydooby wrote: »
    I Kant take many more of these.

    Don't go putting Descartes before the horse.


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    #185
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 31,118 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Just remember that horses in stables have neighbours!


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    #186
    Mr Magnolia
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 10,435 Mod ✭✭✭✭Mr Magnolia


    A man walks into a butchers, being a regular he asks where John the young apprentice has gone.

    'I've had to sack him,' replies the butcher

    'why?' replies the punter

    'because he was sticking his dick in the bacon slicer' says the butcher

    'STICKING HIS DICK IN THE BACON SLICER?!?! Bloody hell!!', says the punter, 'so wheres your bacon slicer now?'








    'I've had to sack her too' replies the butcher


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    #187
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 31,118 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Time to rind up some more puns, before we butcher any more jokes ;)


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    #188
    Beanstalk
    Registered Users Posts: 1,212 ✭✭✭Beanstalk


    Whenever I play a battle of minds, I Plato win....


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    #189
    Al_Fernz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,021 ✭✭✭Al_Fernz


    If you don't stop these puns I'll Aris-throttle you!


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    #190
    Al_Fernz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,021 ✭✭✭Al_Fernz


    I broke up with my girlfriend last night. It happened on the forecourt of a petrol station. Very emotional breakup. She was in tears and I was filling up....


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    #191
    Beanstalk
    Registered Users Posts: 1,212 ✭✭✭Beanstalk


    That's terrible dude, I suppose thats why you should never fill up at an Emo station.


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    #192
    Rolotomasee
    Registered Users Posts: 4 ✭Rolotomasee


    That was one shell of a bad joke... But I couldn't come up with any more so diesel have to do...


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    #193
    el_barty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 26 ✭el_barty


    That was some gas!


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    #194
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users Posts: 33,476 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    A woman asked me for an example of a double entendre the other day.... so I gave her one....

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



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    #195
    oobydooby
    Closed Accounts Posts: 697 ✭✭✭oobydooby


    Beanstalk wrote: »
    That's terrible dude, I suppose thats why you should never fill up at an Emo station.

    that was a top joke


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    #196
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 31,118 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Everyone's getting "well oiled" now.


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    #197
    Beanstalk
    Registered Users Posts: 1,212 ✭✭✭Beanstalk


    I hope we can keep this up, we don't want to Maxol our pun ideas out....


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    #198
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    Al_Fernz wrote: »
    I broke up with my girlfriend last night. It happened on the forecourt of a petrol station. Very emotional breakup. She was in tears and I was filling up....

    Where you tyred of her or did it all just all go flat ?


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    #199
    Al_Fernz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,021 ✭✭✭Al_Fernz


    dak wrote: »
    Where you tyred of her or did it all just all go flat ?

    Yeah, she was just driving round the bend - so I indicated that I wanted a brake.


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    #200
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    Al_Fernz wrote: »
    Yeah, she was just driving round the bend - so I indicated that I wanted a brake.

    That was very flashy of you!


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    #201
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    If you get sick at the airport you may have a terminal illness.


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    #202
    Rolotomasee
    Registered Users Posts: 4 ✭Rolotomasee


    Ok...deep breath...


    What's worse is if your plane gets sick and you have to make an unscheduled stop in some tiny little airport in the middle of nowhere. You could be waiting ages if they don't have departure looking for.


    Thank you!


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    #203
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,315 ✭✭✭Homer


    I heard Rolotomasee's model airplane hobby really took off.


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    #204
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    Don't expect to eat something fancy when you're flying because it's just plane food.


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    #205
    Al_Fernz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,021 ✭✭✭Al_Fernz


    Did anybody hear about the plane that crashed into the house. Apparently, somebody left the landing light on.


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    #206
    el_barty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 26 ✭el_barty


    Did you hear about the scandal involving the new Taoiseach and the baby food factory? The press are calling it...



    Cowengate


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    #207
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,315 ✭✭✭Homer


    The guards are going to surround the new Taoiseach Brian Cowen with dozens of cows...



    They are trying to beef up security :pac:


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    #208
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.
    Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
    After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it.
    The job was only so-so anyhow.
    Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting.
    I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.
    I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
    My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't note worthy.
    I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.
    Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried, but I just didn't fit in.
    I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
    I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.
    I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
    My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit, because it was always the same old grind.
    After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it.


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    #209
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    You're american outside the bathroom, but inside, european.


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    #210
    Al_Fernz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,021 ✭✭✭Al_Fernz


    dak wrote: »
    .
    Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried, but I just didn't fit in.

    Did you quit or did they give you the boot??


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    #211
    el_barty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 26 ✭el_barty


    "I used to work in a toothpaste factory, but I got sacked for dropping the toothpaste tubes," said Tom, crestfallen.

    Anyone else know any good Tom Swifties? Here's a few of my favourites:

    "Can you help me find the bananas?" Tom asked fruitlessly
    "Are you homosexual?" Tom queried gaily
    "Aha! This must be an aerobics class!" Tom worked out
    "The doctor says I'm missing a left ventricle and a left aorta" Tom said half-heartedly.


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