Quick Un's

rocky25

Parrots:

A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem.
I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you are embarrassed."


He thought a minute and then said,
"You know, I may have a solution to this problem.
I have two male parrots that I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Mick and Pat.

My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying that...that phrase in no time."
"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."


The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.
As he ushered her in, she saw this two male parrots were inside their cage, holding their rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out in unison,
"Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said, "Put the beads away, Pat, our prayers have been answered!"

---

Bus Ride:

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young
woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight
leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and
jacket.

As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get
on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow
her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver
she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking
that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

Again she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she
still couldn't!
So, a little more embarrassed she once again
reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and for
a second time attempted the step and once again, much to her
chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.

So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped
the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was
unable to make the step.

About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line
picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on
the step of the bus.

Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero
screeching at him "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even
know who you are!"

At this the Texan drawled "Well ma'am normally I would agree
with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda
figured that we were friends."
______________________________________________________

Three Explorers Are Captured...

A Frenchman( or an Irishman Living in France), an Englishman and a New Yorker were exploring the jungle and were captured by a fierce tribe.
As they sit in a hut, awaiting their fate, the chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe.

The good news is that you get to choose how you die."

The Frenchman?? Says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.

The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere.
There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible.

The chief is appalled, and screams, "What are you doing???"

The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe, asshole!"

mickrourke

I like the bus one best.
You don't have any pictures to go with it do you?

rocky25

Two cowboys were sitting in a bar when one asked his friend if he had heard of the new sex position called rodeo.

His friend says no, what is it?

Well you mount your wife from the back, reach around and cup her breasts with both hands.

Then say, "Boy, those are almost as nice as your sisters".

Then see if you can hold on for 8 seconds.