Opinions appreciated..

Loopy

Just wanted to get a few ladies opinions on this.

I asked a fairly close friend if she would be interested on going on hols this year with her daughter and my 2 kids. Just the girls and kids (no men).

Anyway, she was delighted and said she'd love to. So we booked a great deal for May and that was that. Anyway, she says to me few weeks back that she had asked another friend of hers and her sister to go and had i asked anyone else. I freaked out, i dont get on with either of these girls and was really pissed off about it. I said no i didnt ask anyone else, that i had asked her to go and not her mates/sister. I cant emphasise how having these other girls on hols would ruin it for me (just not my type - loud/brash etc). So i cancelled it and told her she was more than welcome to go with the other girls and she said she didnt want to that she wanted to go away with me, i said that crazy you shouldnt of asked them..

Anyway, another friend and her child are now coming with me and im happy about that. We have not spoken since and she did say she realises her mistake that she should of said it to me.

As I said, we havent spoken since but i dont like holding grudges and want us to still be pals but I think if I tell her im going with my other friend she may be annoyed.

Thinking about this today an kinda feel bad on her..
What u think?

misslt

You shouldn't feel bad, she did ask you had you asked anyone else - she'd be a total hypocrite if she got annoyed about it.

If I were you I'd just lift the phone and call her - explain the situation and your reasons and tell her you don't want things to be awkward between you.

togster

You were a bit OTT imo

Loopy

togster wrote: »

You were a bit OTT imo

Why would I want to spend a holiday with people I dont like??

John Mason

looptheloop wrote: »

Thinking about this today an kinda feel bad on her..
What u think?

looptheloop wrote: »

Why would I want to spend a holiday with people I dont like??

there's your answer then. close thread

togster

looptheloop wrote: »

Why would I want to spend a holiday with people I dont like??

You could have talked to her, asked her to stop the other 2 from coming instead you jumped the gun to prove a point. Well point proved. You can't have your cake and eat it baby

Loopy

I did talk to her and told her I wasnt happy about it, she said she could hardly turn around and tell them now they couldn't go.

I feel I was honest with her, yrs ago I would have gone and prob had a sh1t time and moaned about it but now with age I suppose I am putting myself first.

Of course your not under any obligation to go if you know you'll be unhappy, and yes she should have asked you.
However good friends are hard to come by. Asking her to chose between her sister and yourself is tactless, and it is childish in the extreme to send her to moral coventry over her inabilty to resolve the situation.

It is to be expected that you are going to go on holiday and not alone. Your assumption that she might be jealous, makes me wonder at your motives for banning her other friends.

Loopy

Moonbaby wrote: »

Of course your not under any obligation to go if you know you'll be unhappy, and yes she should have asked you.
However good friends are hard to come by. Asking her to chose between her sister and yourself is tactless, and it is childish in the extreme to send her to moral coventry over her inabilty to resolve the situation.

It is to be expected that you are going to go on holiday and not alone. Your assumption that she might be jealous, makes me wonder at your motives for banning her other friends.

I asked her to go on holiday not her sister, Im not at all assuming she would be jealous, she is a good friend, I simply would of prefered her to say to me she was asking others to go before she did ask, I assume that would be the normal thing to do..

watna

I can see why you'd be annoyed that she asked her sister and friend to go on holiday without asking you first, especially if she knew you didn't get on with them but if it was me I’d be of the opinion that she’s going on holiday with her sister and friend and you’re going with a friend., you all get to go on holidays with people you want, no harm done, just make up and move on. It’s not worth losing a good friend over.

looptheloop

looptheloop wrote: »

Im not at all assuming she would be jealous.

Why would she be annoyed then!

looptheloop wrote: »

She is a good friend, I simply would of prefered her to say to me she was asking others to go before she did ask, I assume that would be the normal thing to do..

Is that enough reason for a grown adult woman to rebuff a "Good friend" who didn't set out to cause any harm.
I certainly don't think so, and if you continue with that philospohy you end up lonely in life.

rainbowtrout

you're entitled to go on holidays with whoever you want to go with. you didn't want to go with her sister. and your friend should have asked you first. better to suit yourself than having a miserable time.

Loopy

Moonbaby wrote: »

Why would she be annoyed then!



Is that enough reason for a grown adult woman to rebuff a "Good friend" who didn't set out to cause any harm.
I certainly don't think so, and if you continue with that philospohy you end up lonely in life.

So if you asked a friend to go away and she said she had asked another girl to go (that you didnt get on with), you wouldnt be annoyed?

looptheloop

looptheloop wrote: »

So if you asked a friend to go away and she said she had asked another girl to go (that you didnt get on with), you wouldnt be annoyed?

You keep harping on about the part where you know your clearly right. She has admited it and I would assume in doing so she apologised.
Everybody has their holiday now, so why is that even a problem anymore.
If someone said to me that they didn't want to seen with my sister just because she wasn't their type....I would be upset and insulted.
You don't acknowledge that your reaction wasn't appropiate and that is causing the problem now.

It doesn't matter weather I would be annoyed. I wouldn't hold it against them and fall out over it.

Loopy

Moonbaby wrote: »

You keep harping on about the part where you know your clearly right. She has admited it and I would assume in doing so she apologised.
Everybody has their holiday now, so why is that even a problem anymore.
If someone said to me that they didn't want to seen with my sister just because she wasn't their type....I would be upset and insulted.
You don't acknowledge that your reaction wasn't appropiate and that is causing the problem now.

It doesn't matter weather I would be annoyed. I wouldn't hold it against them and fall out over it.

You didnt answer the question though. Actually, everyone dosent have their holiday, they are not going now.. I never said I didnt want to be seen with her sister for the record, dont know where you got that from??

Maple

looptheloop wrote: »

Just wanted to get a few ladies opinions on this.

I asked a fairly close friend if she would be interested on going on hols this year with her daughter and my 2 kids. Just the girls and kids (no men).

Anyway, she was delighted and said she'd love to. So we booked a great deal for May and that was that. Anyway, she says to me few weeks back that she had asked another friend of hers and her sister to go and had i asked anyone else. I freaked out, i dont get on with either of these girls and was really pissed off about it. I said no i didnt ask anyone else, that i had asked her to go and not her mates/sister. I cant emphasise how having these other girls on hols would ruin it for me (just not my type - loud/brash etc). So i cancelled it and told her she was more than welcome to go with the other girls and she said she didnt want to that she wanted to go away with me, i said that crazy you shouldnt of asked them..

Anyway, another friend and her child are now coming with me and im happy about that. We have not spoken since and she did say she realises her mistake that she should of said it to me.
As I said, we havent spoken since but i dont like holding grudges and want us to still be pals but I think if I tell her im going with my other friend she may be annoyed.

Thinking about this today an kinda feel bad on her..
What u think?

First part highlighted is where you said that your mate's sister is not your type. Loud and brash to quote you directly.

Second part highlighted is where your mate has apologised.

Your mate should have asked you first, she didn't so you cancelled the hol. All of which is fair enough. I wouldn't want to go on hols either with someone who wrecked my head.

But your mate has already said she's sorry so I don't know why you guys are still not speaking. If its down to you, then you ought to ring her and sort it out. You can't still be cross with her over this. That would be ridiculous.

And you shouldn't be worried about sorting your hols out, there is nothing to have prevented her from booking a holiday with her sister and her mate.

looptheloop

looptheloop wrote: »

You didnt answer the question though.

Hello! Still harping on the same point and ignoring the other! Which might explain why your friend isn't calling you.

I did answer when I said it was irrevelant, I respect that you have a right to your own feelings on the matter.

It has happened that people who I don't have any gra for have come on my holidays.
I'm perfectly happy about it because I know it my other friends will have a better time for it and I would feel petty telling them to stay at home.
I would have to hate someone for it to detract from holiday and I don't feel that strongly about anybody.

I also don't expect the organiser to pass the guestlist by me. But that is just me.

Loopy

Moonbaby wrote: »

Hello! Still harping on the same point and ignoring the other! Which might explain why your friend isn't calling you.

I did answer when I said it was irrevelant, I respect that you have a right to your own feelings on the matter.

It has happened that people who I don't have any gra for have come on my holidays.
I'm perfectly happy about it because I know it my other friends will have a better time for it and I would feel petty telling them to stay at home.
I would have to hate someone for it to detract from holiday and I don't feel that strongly about anybody.

I also don't expect the organiser to pass the guestlist by me. But that is just me.

If it was a gang of girls going away on their own it wouldn't bother me, but I dont want my kids around these people. That is my choice. And I should of mentioned we have a big apartment in a complex and that they were going to bunk into it so that is why I was so annoyed.

If the shoe was on the other foot, I would have the decency to tell the person i was inviting other people.

Why the hell would 2 single girls want to go away with mothers with kids anyway.

As for the organiser passing the guestlist - there is no guestlist in this case, its 2 girls going on holidays with their kids..

ThatGal

looptheloop i think you're completely in the right here. i'd do the same thing if i was in your shoes!

Eviledna

Aside from all this bickering, my advice to you is to ring your friend up, say that you really didn't want to fall out over it all, claim that you both had different holidays in mind (you had a quiet kids and moms holiday, she had group of women and kids holiday) and apologise slightly for not making your opinion clear at the get go. Then offer some manner of make-up coffee and help her organise a holiday for herself perhaps.

Life is to short for holidays (supposedly good times) to ruin friendships.

TequilaMockingBird

I don't see why you feel bad OP. Your friend was out of order, she apologised. Forget it.