Biological Clocks!

b3t4

I had hoped to have kids in my thirties and hadn't even concidered having them earlier than that! At a recent visit to the doctors though I was told that I should either start trying to have kids in the next 5yrs (I'm 24 at present) or concider going for fertility testing. Both of which scare the be-jaysus out of me.

Thankfully, I am now with someone who I can see myself having kids with and we have spoken about it so thankfully I don't foresee myself going it alone. I would like to be married when I have kids but it isn't a big deal if we aren't. If we aren't married though and have a kid/kids in Ireland we'll have to make sure that my partner has as much legal stand with regard to the kid/kids as I would (it's such a shame that this isn't already the case)

Ideally I'd like to have two kids (unless I were to have twins which would up that number ) but my partner has thoughts on having more than that. I will concider the idea of having more than two as long it's the best option for parents and kids at the time

With regard to age difference, my mother was 41/42 having me and 42/43 having my sister. The age difference was very noticeable in our case as the upbringing my mother got was very much old school. We find it hard to relate to her and she finds it hard to relate to us. Our relationship would be stifled to say the least.

A

Gyalist

While I understand, but don't necessarily agree with, most of the reasons why some people want to be childfree, I just cannot comprehend why someone would "hate children."

WindSock

Hate other peoples loud and screamy children to be honest.
My own will be darlings

b3t4

b3t4 wrote: »

I

With regard to age difference, my mother was 41/42 having me and 42/43 having my sister. The age difference was very noticeable in our case as the upbringing my mother got was very much old school. We find it hard to relate to her and she finds it hard to relate to us. Our relationship would be stifled to say the least.

A

I don't think that is just an age thing though, my mum was brought up old school.
She was pushing 40 when she started our family, she raised us to be our own people but responsible and open with her. She is the one family member who knows what is going on in everyones life.
She chose to build this kind of relationship, because it is what she would have liked to have had with her mother.

Gyalist

Gyalist wrote: »

While I understand, but don't necessarily agree with, most of the reasons why some people want to be childfree, I just cannot comprehend why someone would "hate children."

I was thinking that too, they are just human beans...you have to like some of them!

AngryHippie

Got sucked in by the thread title on a new posts search tbh,
As a man, I suppose I'm lucky to have dodged the broody thing, But as a 25/6 year old guy, it kind of freaks me out how I'm completely unafraid of the idea now, while 2 years ago I'd have run off,
2 will be the ideal number, hopefully one of each, But I'm sure life is gonna be full of surprises and not being completely blokeish about it will probably be really ironic by the time I'm 30
At the same time, I'm in no hurry, there's stuff that has to be in place before I'm going to deliberately try and make a kid....
....Like the dreaded long term relationship that I'm soooo good at!

b3t4

Moonbaby wrote: »

I don't think that is just an age thing though, my mum was brought up old school.

I totally agree with you. That's why I said this was what happened in out case. I'm aware that the age difference doesn't make much of a difference in some other people's situations.

She chose to build this kind of relationship, because it is what she would have liked to have had with her mother.

Ya see my mother was happy with the old school thinking and the old school relationship she had with her parents therefore never saw a reason to change how she was with her children.

Slowly but surely my mother is coming around but her thinking and ours, on quite a few things, are poles apart.

A

ShakeyBlakey

i have plenty of sperm in the freezer for sale, €1,000,000 each, its well worth it.
If I'm over drafted with replies i'm upping the price, so put ur offers in soon..

gcgirl

This is a interesting tread! I am a mum to 3 kids 2 girls and a boy! If anyone had of told me 10 years ago i'd have 3 kids i would have told them ''yeh right'' I was nearly 26 when the first one pop out then 29 with the 2nd then nearly 31 when the 3rd one came along! kids do change you, like last night my 7 year old decided to take everything out of my wardrobe and precided to hold a fashion show for me as for the middle boy has just been toilet trained which has made me so happy because i was having troble with him and i thought i'd never be able to get him to do it ! people can change in the space of a couple of years and my kids are something i have never regretted having even though the guy i had them with was an extreamly immature childish waste of space they still know how to put a smile on my face!

Crumble Froo

i dont want kids and my b/f already has one, so we're in a pretty good position there. i like kids, i get on with them, but i dont want to look after one for the next 20 years. way too much responsibility.

Latchy

As sombody said once any child comes along it's all about adapting to the situation like any other and maternal feelings and protection of said baby's take over .Hell you might even love them at some stage

pstt , that last sentence was tongue in cheek

lezizi

I am 22 and just had my first baby, he is 9 months old today. For me i couldnt have waited till my late 20's or thirtys because of health reasons, so i had no choice but to be a young mum.
I love being a mum and wouldnt change it for the world, but i think the ideal age is whenever you have done whatever you dreamed of doing in life, be it travel, career ect and you are ready to settle down.
I would love another baby but not for at least another 5 years, praying to god ill be able to have another one. The thought of being pregnant again makes me physically sick, so I will have to get over that first:D

TequilaMockingBird

latchyco wrote: »

As sombody said once any child comes along it's all about adapting to the situation like any other and maternal feelings and protection of said baby's take over .Hell you might even love them at some stage

pstt , that last sentence was tongue in cheek

Kids are like farts, you can cope with your own, but not other peoples.

xzanti

I'd like 3, that's my limit, as yet I have none, too busy having fun but if it happened by accident it wouldn't be the end of the world.. I think 27/28 would be my prefered age to start having them... Ideally I'd like to be married but if I wasn't, again, wouldn't be the end of the world.. Either way I know I want kids in the long run..

MementoMori

Just some stats from wikipedia for those waiting to turn thirty

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fertility#Female_fertility_after_30

Papillon87

As someone touched on earlier, milestones happen later in life these days because people are busy getting college degrees and/or a career for themselves. I'm 20 and nowhere near ready to start having children. Also, unless it's an unplanned pregnancy, I'd want to be in a secure marriage/long term relationship. People think that after a couple of years that it's all plain sailing and start picking out baby clothes: my boyfriend's sister was with her boyfriend for 15 years (from about 13/14-28/29)...I'm sure she expected to be married to him with kids by the thirty mark. Yes you may be most fertile in your early 20's, but for most this is not by any means the perfect time to have children due to work/college/not being in a stable relationship/emotional maturity/FINANCIAL situation. But to each their own. I used to say I'd love to be married and expecting my first baby at 28, but now I'm more aware of the reality of the nature of relationships/house prices/the working world, I won't be panicking when I get there and I'm not.

John Mason

well done, you just freaked the hell out of a number of people here who havent found the right man to have kids with :rolleyes:

MementoMori

my work here is done

nah the way I look at it I'm just encouraging people to have more sex

twas slightly serious in that it might make people realise that just because you want things to happen a certain way doesn't always mean they will

main thing this thread did for me was remind me to ring my sisters now - haven't done the ticking clock thing to them in a couple of months - both recently married no kids by either (plus one's got a birthday coming up) - man I'm such a great brother

Papillon87

irishbird wrote: »

well done, you just freaked the hell out of a number of people here who havent found the right man to have kids with :rolleyes:

Is that addressed towards me?! Ah now, that wasn't the intention! She's married now to a great guy and they have a little baby....see...happy ending! All I was trying to say was....women shouldn't settle for a guy just because they hear this clock ticking and want to start having kids...because personally I would really hate to find out the hard way that he wasn't the right guy to procreate with!

shell63

Hey Crumble Froo! You sound pretty similar to me. I'm not at all enthusiastic about having children but luckily my bf already has one! I get on really well with children but absolutely don't get people's excitement over babies or children. Have no maternal instincts and to be honest, I reckon my life will be very full and fulfilling without them. Some people see bringing up children as what they want to do with their life, their aim in life, I have other things I want to do with mine and I think some people who have a very strong longing to have children are trying to fulfill their need to receive unconditional love. (Don't bite my head off, I'm not saying it to any of ye personally!!! )

ntlbell

Quality wrote: »

I agree peared,

and again maybe in ten years time.. for those who say they wont start there family till they are in their 30's and then plan to have 3 or 4.


I suppose I would have wanted kids at some stage I could not imagine being old and grey and having no one to come and visit me in the home I end up in..

So you had kids so you wont get lonely?

Kids should not be born with a ready made agenda.
Nice.

cuckoo

irishbird wrote: »

well done, you just freaked the hell out of a number of people here who havent found the right man to have kids with :rolleyes:

+1.

While the 'ideal' would be to have had the kids in my early 20s (and stayed at home in the cave while the men of the tribe killed woolly mammoths) who the heck was going to father those children?

There's a lot said about women waiting too late, putting their careers before family, etc, but it's not exactly as if the men we have relationships with in our 20s are nagging us to procreate.

I'm broody as be damned, always have been, and do hope to meet someone who i'd like to have a family with. *fingers crossed*

Quality

Dont mind ntlbell girls, He has a habit of following me around the internet and making little smart comments to rile me..

Ntlbell, I am waiting for you in the thunderdome darling..

John Mason

Quality wrote: »

Dont mind ntlbell girls, He has a habit of following me around the internet and making little smart comments to rile me..

Ntlbell, I am waiting for you in the thunderdome darling..

TBH, i agree with him. you had children, so you would have some to look after you when you are old - a tad selfish is it not?

Quality

I dont think it is being selfish, but then again I am not a selfish person.

My mam and dad are in their 60's at the moment, My fathers health is deteriorating, I know that if I can help them in any way, be that finacially or by caring for him I will. When he is in hospital I visit him every night, even though the hospital is 30 miles from my home.. Family is very important to me.

That is the way I was raised and that is hopefully the way I will raise my children.

I want to look after my family because I love them, My children hopefully will feel the same way about me when I am old and grey.


For me having kids is the only thing in life worth doing, My own little legacy.. I am not saying that is how everyone should feel but it is the way I feel:)

Peared

I dont know if there really are any non selfish reasons to have children. I mean why else would you have them apart from you just plain want them? Any reason that springs to mind could be regarded as selfish in one way or another. You are certainly not doing it for the kids as they dont exist yet. I dont know if there is anything wrong with that though.

Can anybody think of a reason that somebody wouldnt find "selfish" to have kids?

Personally if you want them and can look after them and will love them I dont think your decision needs to be justified. Certainly I dont think your age or marital status need to be justified.

Latchy

Kids ground you and it's all about putting their intrests first before your own although it varys from parent to parents what their intrests are (apart from the obious feeding ,clothing, education ,looking after them when sick etc) but you cant be selfish and make excuses.It defeats the purpose and some people are programmed to be better parents than others .It's not one long picnic ,more like a journey unto the unknown but once you get the hang of babies and parenting , like everything else it becomes second nature .

ntlbell

Quality wrote: »

I dont think it is being selfish, but then again I am not a selfish person.

My mam and dad are in their 60's at the moment, My fathers health is deteriorating, I know that if I can help them in any way, be that finacially or by caring for him I will. When he is in hospital I visit him every night, even though the hospital is 30 miles from my home.. Family is very important to me.

That is the way I was raised and that is hopefully the way I will raise my children.

I want to look after my family because I love them, My children hopefully will feel the same way about me when I am old and grey.


For me having kids is the only thing in life worth doing, My own little legacy.. I am not saying that is how everyone should feel but it is the way I feel:)

In 4 years I have commented on one of your threads.

How is that following you around?

Lurvely

Ive got one child already & would love at least 2 more

Im only 22, nearly 23 & my daughters nearly 2. Im engaged to her father, we're in the middle of building a house so everything happened when im still young..i wouldnt change anything, im glad i had her when i did & all...i know most people would rather wait till they are older before having kids but i didnt wanna wait!

ntlbell

Quality wrote: »

I dont think it is being selfish, but then again I am not a selfish person.

My mam and dad are in their 60's at the moment, My fathers health is deteriorating, I know that if I can help them in any way, be that finacially or by caring for him I will. When he is in hospital I visit him every night, even though the hospital is 30 miles from my home.. Family is very important to me.

That is the way I was raised and that is hopefully the way I will raise my children.

I want to look after my family because I love them, My children hopefully will feel the same way about me when I am old and grey.


For me having kids is the only thing in life worth doing, My own little legacy.. I am not saying that is how everyone should feel but it is the way I feel:)

You don't sound selfish at all. Sigh.

This is called natural progression for people who have kids, like your parents.

It's not a reason TO HAVE kids.

See the difference?