should i be jealous?

macbarbie

yeah... well like talkin didnt work... i jus got upset and frustrated..... so wat else will i do??? i was thinkin... start goin out with one of my mates loads... but i dont wanna play games... nor use my friend..... maybe ignore him to show its really botherin me?

Xavi6

macbarbie wrote: »

yeah... well like talkin didnt work... i jus got upset and frustrated..... so wat else will i do??? i was thinkin... start goin out with one of my mates loads... but i dont wanna play games... nor use my friend..... maybe ignore him to show its really botherin me?

Ignoring him and the problem is not the answer.

Look with my gf I WANT her to get to know my mates, and all my mates are of the same idea. What he is doing is strange and really unacceptable in your relationship. Have you considered that he may be batting for both teams? A bit extreme I know but the behaviour of both him and the mate aren't usual.

She Devil

You come first .. end of story!!!!!
I'd go mental, my friend is in a similiar situation ... This guy goes out with his newly single mate all the time ... i think its wrong!
I feel sorry for ya gal, chin up xx

aye

macbarbie wrote: »

thank you everyone for all your advice......appreciate it big time!!

i spoke to him about it over the weekend..... the response was.... hes just a good mate, i really get on with him and i see no harm in spendin this time with him...im not doing anythin wrong....its not my fault uv a prob with him.. you need to get over it....you dont even know him...

so of course i said ok wel il get to know him.... and he said no... why do you need to? hes my mate... you dont need to know him and plus ul never get the chance coz all my mates are single so wen we go out its all jus lads ud be out of place..... its not my fault u havin got a mate this close.. if you did id be cool with it so i dont see your problem...

thats the gist of it... although alot more harsh... i believe one of the phrases he came out with was shut up or out up.. i cant handle fights like this so i jus ended the conversation as i was crying.

I dont know..... its bothering me more than ever now after talkin about it...

At the end of the day i do love this guy.....

he sounds like a dick to be honest.
so what if his mates are single, my mate brings his girlfiend out with us, doesnt matter to us at all. its actaully good to a have a girl in the crew, female perspective.

kick him in the nuts OP.

macbarbie

She Devil wrote: »

You come first .. end of story!!!!!
I'd go mental, my friend is in a similiar situation ... This guy goes out with his newly single mate all the time ... i think its wrong!
I feel sorry for ya gal, chin up xx

Thank you hun.....x

its even worse that there all single!! they went to that gig anyway and after they all went out to barcode outside of town... and he said to me... was stupid there all lookin for birds they shoulda stayed in town... if was single i woulda coz the wales and ireland match was on so there be loadsa girls in town after it......i dont care though i have you..

the last bit was nice... but ya know wat i mean.....

macbarbie

aye wrote: »

he sounds like a dick to be honest.
so what if his mates are single, my mate brings his girlfiend out with us, doesnt matter to us at all. its actaully good to a have a girl in the crew, female perspective.

kick him in the nuts OP.

oh really?? he said no way would he bring me out with all the lads thats jus stupid.. id be outa place and no1 would want me there... i thought this was normal coz a bunch of lads like!

as he said shut up or put up... a kick in the nuts sounds effective though!!

macbarbie

Xavi6 wrote: »

Ignoring him and the problem is not the answer.

Look with my gf I WANT her to get to know my mates, and all my mates are of the same idea. What he is doing is strange and really unacceptable in your relationship. Have you considered that he may be batting for both teams? A bit extreme I know but the behaviour of both him and the mate aren't usual.

he jus said why do you need to know my mates, there nothin to with me ya know....

but i know them all except this chap as hes never there when i am..... and its mainly wen i bring him up he gets like this...

Eviledna

The last time I had a boyf that was constantly going out without me with a 'single' friend that didn't want to get to know me, I found out that he was cheating on me and didn't trust the friend not to let it out.
When I dumped his ass I was so annoyed that I had been so blind to the obvious covering-up and felt like a right eejit. Not to mention me being absolutely made a fool of for 4 years.

I amn't saying that is happening here, but your boyf's attitude is not gonna help the suspicion. It sucks that you are going through this, and you are right, playing games with him like going out only with your single friends really doesn't work (again, I tried that and it really didn't help, especially when the reaction from the boyf is apathy).

Options:
1) Next time he is going out, send a friend to the same place that he doesn't know/recognise and see if she would class his behaviour as appropriate
2) Tell your boyf that you are not going to be reassured until you get to know this guy. If he says no way again, reconsider option 1.
3) Consider your other single friends both male and female, and start being more than available for them, in every way.
Now, time to cool it with your boyf, considerably. Show him that he doesn't deserve your company solely on his terms. You can do it, even if it seems really out of character for you. Sometimes being unpredictable is all a girl has in a situation like this.

As a final tip, notice how your original post was to do with your problem with your boyf's friend. Now notice how your attention has turned to your boyf and how you feel about him at the moment. Truth surfaces eventually.

Best of luck you poor thing.

aye

macbarbie wrote: »

oh really?? he said no way would he bring me out with all the lads thats jus stupid.. id be outa place and no1 would want me there... i thought this was normal coz a bunch of lads like!

as he said shut up or put up... a kick in the nuts sounds effective though!!

yeh, most of my friends would bring their gf out with us. how else are we meant to get to know them?
i can understand sometimes wanting a night with the lads, but i wouldnt ever not want to introduce a gf to my mates, especially if my mate was a best mate, then i'd be more inclined to introduce them.

i'd be insulted if a gf told me i couldnt meet her mates cos i'd be outta place.

macbarbie

eviledna wrote: »

The last time I had a boyf that was constantly going out without me with a 'single' friend that didn't want to get to know me, I found out that he was cheating on me and didn't trust the friend not to let it out.
When I dumped his ass I was so annoyed that I had been so blind to the obvious covering-up and felt like a right eejit. Not to mention me being absolutely made a fool of for 4 years.

I amn't saying that is happening here, but your boyf's attitude is not gonna help the suspicion. It sucks that you are going through this, and you are right, playing games with him like going out only with your single friends really doesn't work (again, I tried that and it really didn't help, especially when the reaction from the boyf is apathy).

Options:
1) Next time he is going out, send a friend to the same place that he doesn't know/recognise and see if she would class his behaviour as appropriate
2) Tell your boyf that you are not going to be reassured until you get to know this guy. If he says no way again, reconsider option 1.
3) Consider your other single friends both male and female, and start being more than available for them, in every way.
Now, time to cool it with your boyf, considerably. Show him that he doesn't deserve your company solely on his terms. You can do it, even if it seems really out of character for you. Sometimes being unpredictable is all a girl has in a situation like this.

As a final tip, notice how your original post was to do with your problem with your boyf's friend. Now notice how your attention has turned to your boyf and how you feel about him at the moment. Truth surfaces eventually.

Best of luck you poor thing.

Thank you hun thats really helpfull.... i got that pain in my heart wen you mentioned the cheating though, ya know the horrible feeling in your chest like fear..... i really hope thats not the reason, fingers crossed, my last two boyfriends cheated on me... i think im too nice!!

But yeah them options are great thanks again, il go with 2. put the foot down, at the end of the day wats the point in a relationship without trust and now i jus feel suspicious....


now im startin to think of other things, like wen he goes out with him he never texts me, he always says his battery went or he forgot his phone...

oh god im all scared now!! fingers crossed

macbarbie

aye wrote: »

yeh, most of my friends would bring their gf out with us. how else are we meant to get to know them?
i can understand sometimes wanting a night with the lads, but i wouldnt ever not want to introduce a gf to my mates, especially if my mate was a best mate, then i'd be more inclined to introduce them.

i'd be insulted if a gf told me i couldnt meet her mates cos i'd be outta place.

ok cheers... now i know thats not the norm il say that to him.... that most ppl go out with their OH mates and know them etc!! cheers!!

Sherifu

macbarbie wrote: »

il go with 2. put the foot down, at the end of the day wats the point in a relationship without trust and now i jus feel suspicious....

That's not really trust imo but if you feel you need to do something you should. Hope it works out for you.

macbarbie

Sherifu wrote: »

That's not really trust imo but if you feel you need to do something you should. Hope it works out for you.

thats what i mean.. like im startin to question my trust and loose it... i dont want this.... so il try sort it out coz otherwise theirs no point...ya know?

And thanks for the support x

MattKid

There is the outside chance he is trying to tempt your Boyf back to the single life so they can have a laugh and go out on the pull.

I say try and get to know him a bit better and set him up with a suitable friend

all the stars

hi, so i read most of the posts .. i kinda figure if you dont trust your man- there is no point being in a relationship. Also, if you cant communicate properly, about important stuff- there is no point. They are kinda the two most important things in a relationship.
Im with my man 7 years now, and absolutely have trust in him.

You need to be able to have your own lives, friends, nights out and all that - you are 2 individuals in a relationship.
However, i know my mans mates, they never a problem if i go out on a lads night as i wouldnt be all around him & am comfortable to sit wherever & join in on whatever chat is going on.. However, i respect that they are his mates and give the space to go be a lad also.

If when you try to talk your just shut down, with an aggressive attitude and no reasoning - thats not on really, you need to be able to be heard and if he aint doin right by you - remember your worth as a person and make steps to have a happy hassle free life. Not saying dump him or anything - just life is short and if your not happy - you have to do something for your self whatever that may be.

I understand you love him, - however, nothing in life is certain- and at any stage life can change drastically, and while he is your man - he is not your possession. Just think about the future. If you cant see the ending you want - you will have to do something to get where you want to be.
Hopefully this came out right, and you dont pick me up wrong.. life is too short to be unhappy..
You dont know how long you will be here, so make sure you enjoy it!

Eviledna

MacBarbie, any updates? Did you ever figure what the friend was up to, or has it been resolved at all?

I hope it worked out for the best!;)