A few Quick Un's

rocky25

Yorkshire airlines:rolleyes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qdsv2CRHjk
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GENERAL TIPS FOR REDNECKS:
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.
3. it’s tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. When you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to drive a U-Haul to the funeral.


DINING OUT:
1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the wine.
2. If drinking directly from a jug, hold firmly with both hands.


ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME:
1. The centerpiece for your table probably should not be prepared by a taxidermist.
2. No matter how good his manners make your dog eat on the floor.


PERSONAL HYGIENE:
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.
3. Use of toiletries can only delay bathing a few days.
4. Auto grease under the fingernails is a no-no, as it will detract from your jewelry, ladies.


DATING (Outside the Family):
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back. Some will say 10 PM, others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it's the man's responsibility to get her to high school on time.


THEATER ETIQUETTE:
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby, and *always* picked up after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.


WEDDINGS:
1. Livestock is often a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may get you shot, even if she is your sister.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. For the Best Man, change your bowling shirt.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.


DRIVING ETIQUETTE:
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the guns loaded and the deer's in sight.
2. When approaching a 4-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires doesn't always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer, too.

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Wedding:
Two Polish guys are discussing one's upcoming wedding... "I'm not sure if
my future bride is a virgin or not."
His buddy replies, "Oh, there's an easy test for that. All you need is
some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red and
one ball blue. On your honeymoon, if she laughs and says 'Those are
the funniest balls I've ever seen!' you hit her with the shovel!"
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Lawyer:
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer. Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?" The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?" "$7.98." A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read:” Legal Consultation Service: $150."
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Shoe Store:
A man walks into a shoe store... ...and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk. "Well ... they feel a bit tight." replies the man. The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the mans feet. "Try pulling the tongue out." offers the clerk.
“ Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth." He says.

kittenkiller

Some really good ones there!