New Torres Book

KevIRL

Here is an extract from Fernando Torres upcoming autobiography.


"Flying into Manchester airport for the signing was one of the most exciting days of my career. The limo transferring me took a while longer to reach the ground than I expected but once there I was greeted by a sea of red. The chanting and atmosphere were brilliant and it all passed by in a blur.

Once inside the ground I was greeted by the manager, the first time we had met face to face. He was a lot heavier than I expected but spoke to me in good Spanish which made me feel most welcome. We went straight into a conference room for the official signing.

After I had put pen to paper the manager turned to me and said "Welcome to the biggest club in the World".

I said thank you and asked "When will I meet Wayne and Cristiano"?

There followed about ten minutes of confusion from which it transpired that there are two clubs in the North West of England known as the "Reds" and my idiot agent had got them mixed up.

However I had signed so had to get on with it. Benitez was known as the "Gaffer". I asked Stevie G (the only other player at the club who could control the ball) why this was.

He explained that in English "gaffe" is an embarrassing mistake. Apparently even the owners called Rafa "gaffer".

All I can do now is play really well and hope that Real, Barca or possibly Barnsley come and save me from my nightmare.

Some days after training I drive from Liverpool to Manchester and sit outside Old Trafford and dream of what might have been. I can sit there for hours.

Then Stevie will nudge me and say "Come on Nando, we have to go back".

We drive silently back to the gaffer.


Taken from "How did I get here?" by Fernando Torres.

_blank_

Hilarious.

mike65

Ghosted by which Liverpool fc approved hack I wonder?

Its a bit early and its not even Christmas.

Mike.

gracehopper

Very good

Pepe LeFrits

Ha Ha Ha. Hi-larious, really.

Mr Alan

LOL Quality

LOL nice to see something to lighten the mood in here today!!

Mr.Nice Guy

Lmao.

Tusky

hehe. I found it pretty funny. The line about Stevie saying 'we have to go back' is hilarious.

Didnt Man Utd try to sign Torres and he turned them down ?

mike65

I don't think it got that far, Atletico said no a few seasons back I think.

Mike.

Dubit10

Tusky wrote: »

hehe. I found it pretty funny. The line about Stevie saying 'we have to go back' is hilarious.

Didnt Man Utd try to sign Torres and he turned them down ?

Yes he did.This guy is going to be the best striker on the planet and to think we could have ened up with tevez:D

Sherifu

Brilliant. Soccer forum needs more of this.

Roar

Dubit10 wrote: »

Yes he did.This guy is going to be the best striker on the planet and to think we could have ened up with tevez:D

i'm sure United fans are quite happy to have Tevez and be in a battle for the league title, instead of having torres and being in a battle for fourth..

Nunu

Sherifu wrote: »

Brilliant. Soccer forum needs more of this.

How about funny football related pics? This one always cracks me up:D

Sherifu

Nunu wrote: »

How about funny football related pics? This one always cracks me up:D

Quality

Dubit10

Dubit10 wrote: »

Yes he did.This guy is going to be the best striker on the planet and to think we could have ened up with tevez:D

Torres has only scored 6 more than Tevez in all competitions that matter (ie not carling Cup) with roughly equal games played and Tevez has been playing behind the striker. Meaning as of 2 games ago they were even.

Tusky

Dubit10 wrote: »

Yes he did.This guy is going to be the best striker on the planet and to think we could have ened up with tevez:D

:rolleyes:

Tevez is a great little player. I'd much rather have Torres but that doesnt change the fact that I would love to have Tevez aswell.

Mr Alan

Deleted User wrote: »

Honestly, why do u even bother posting here? U add nothing to the boards with this kind of rubbish. We have enough people tryin to stir it in here with every post they make as it is without another one.And worse still, all of the posts Ive read by u in the last few days have been of this biased red blinker vain. No wonder the board has been spoiled recently with the stupid Pool - United rows. Give it a rest will ya.


Torres has only scored 6 more than Tevez in all competitions that matter (ie not carling Cup) with roughly equal games played and Tevez has been playing behind the striker. Get some perspective and stop posting rubbish. This forum gets ruined enough with stupid "united vs Liverpool" rows without people trying to add to it.


Needless.

jesus Neil, will ya chill out, he didnt even say anything bad about the mancs!

estebancambias

Seriously the thread about the US fans and their scarfs was far more hilarious.

Dubit10

Deleted User wrote: »

Honestly, why do u even bother posting here? U add nothing to the boards with this kind of rubbish. We have enough people tryin to stir it in here with every post they make as it is without another one.And worse still, all of the posts Ive read by u in the last few days have been of this biased red blinker vain. No wonder the board has been spoiled recently with the stupid Pool - United rows. Give it a rest will ya.


Torres has only scored 6 more than Tevez in all competitions that matter (ie not carling Cup) with roughly equal games played and Tevez has been playing behind the striker. Get some perspective and stop posting rubbish. This forum gets ruined enough with stupid "united vs Liverpool" rows without people trying to add to it.


Needless.

No

PHB

Lads, cut out the crap, seriously.
Anymore **** will result in a ban.

---

Funny stuff That bit with Gerrard at the end is priceless

Dubit10

Deleted User wrote: »

Honestly, why do u even bother posting here? U add nothing to the boards with this kind of rubbish. We have enough people tryin to stir it in here with every post they make as it is without another one.And worse still, all of the posts Ive read by u in the last few days have been of this biased red blinker vain. No wonder the board has been spoiled recently with the stupid Pool - United rows. Give it a rest will ya.


Torres has only scored 6 more than Tevez in all competitions that matter (ie not carling Cup) with roughly equal games played and Tevez has been playing behind the striker. Get some perspective and stop posting rubbish. This forum gets ruined enough with stupid "united vs Liverpool" rows without people trying to add to it.


Needless.

This is for you my friend:D

Apologies for the rant lads,

Wont happen again.

Thanx 4 The Fish

Better not.

Funny stuff mind.

Dubit10

Sorry about that.:o

lpool2k05

Very Very Funny!!Half way through i was thinking!!I have to get that book

Peyton Manning

We should make this the dedicated football humour thread. Its one of the main things the soccer forum is missing. This place takes itself too seriously.

kaisersose77

Dubit10 wrote: »

Yes he did.This guy is going to be the best striker on the planet and to think we could have ened up with tevez:D

Dubtit10 is like Mr.Alans apprentice, I dont know where he came out of, but most of his posts I've seen over the last few weeks seem to be swipes at Utd. So it wont be the last time you see a post like that from him.

Dubit10

kaisersose77 wrote: »

Dubtit10 is like Mr.Alans apprentice, I dont know where he came out of, but most of his posts I've seen over the last few weeks seem to be swipes at Utd. So it wont be the last time you see a post like that from him.

I like everybody else on here have a point of view that i like to express.I dont go crying like a little baby when a man utd fan may express there view about liverpool.It's a forum and you are entitled to your opinion which i respect.If you cant respect my point of view thats your problem.:)

gucci

Original Post is very good, im just so happy liverpool have a striker that Man U are making a joke of because hes excellent for a change :D

Nunu wrote: »

How about funny football related pics? This one always cracks me up:D

Thats a great picture, he must have had beanz on toast before the game!!

kev_s88

a few pics to lighten up the mood again

kev_s88

Sherifu

kev_s88 wrote: »

a few pics to lighten up the mood again

hahaha, fags!

~Rebel~

hehe people being kicked in the groin is always funny.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4I9Mh6BSfic

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LIJxmzCvis

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAMl4F49MXY

Unearthly

http://www.topcorner.org.uk/CMS/usr/91/img/RooneyRonaldo.jpg

Mr Alan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7bsU1npsjw



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2szJRVo7zO4

Mikeyt086

Can someone please re-name this the football humour thread?

This is brilliant and much needed.

Mr.Nice Guy

I'll always have a soft spot for this guy:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/graphics/2007/02/25/srfron250207.jpg

Sherifu

Mr.Nice Guy wrote: »

I'll always have a soft spot for this guy:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/graphics/2007/02/25/srfron250207.jpg

He thought that out pretty well.

Dubit10

Watch out for this guy in the olympics:D

Chong

I think its your mission to annoy Neil amongst other united fans.

Dubit10

Willstev wrote: »

I think its your mission to annoy Neil amongst other united fans.

Yeap thats my mission:rolleyes: Does no one on here have a sense of humour:p

Mr Alan

i worked with Neil for a couple of years, and he doesnt have a sense of humour

Dubit10

Mr Alan wrote: »

i worked with Neil for a couple of years, and he doesnt have a sense of humour

You seem like a long term poster here Mr Alan. Is there not a bit of banter allowed between us and the mancs. Jeeees. They give stick we as scousers give it back. Think some people on here take the whole thing way to serious:(

Mr Alan

banter is allowed and i reckon should be condoned, just hard sometimes to get the "tone" of wat someone is saying, definately some people around who are wayyy too sensitive, but there is also loads of people who are well up for decent discussion and a bit of a laugh.

and i aint that long term a poster, only here just over a year, any other queries should be directed to Mike, he is the soccer forum guru

Mr Alan

Mr Alan wrote: »

i worked with Neil for a couple of years, and he doesnt have a sense of humour

So's your face!! Thanks Al, thats the nicest thing anyones ever said about me!

I have a sense of humour but I dont find every thread in here deteriorating into silly "us" vs "you's" arguments when referring to two foreign cities in particular to be fun, nor the constant "Gerrards a diver" "No, Ronaldo is" posts and all that crap thats dominating the boards lately, thats all! And some of the posts we're meant to have "sense of humour" about are poorly veiled wind up attempts.


Anyway, I apologised for the rant. Like I said, wont happen again, I found the ignore button, and its much better!





PS I worked with Alan for a couple of years and he doesnt have sense!! :eek::eek:

Nunu

This was when Diarra stole Eboues harmonica:D....

http://pub.tv2.no/multimedia/na/archive/00529/Emmanuel_Eboue__Las_529559c.jpg

Mikeyt086

eZe^

Nunu wrote: »

This was when Diarra stole Eboues harmonica:D....

http://pub.tv2.no/multimedia/na/archive/00529/Emmanuel_Eboue__Las_529559c.jpg

I actually lol'd...

Sherifu

great stuff, keep it coming

Mr Alan

Moyes previous career

http://www.bluekipper.com/assets/images/blubber/moyes_proclaimers.jpg

Maybe something to go back to when they realise 4th aint happening and Fiorentina finish the job in woodison.