Your own Football howlers

Dun laoire

I played ball for a few years but knocked it on the head last year because....well frankly i was terrible.

I had a great game (Goalkeeper) one Sunday and i remember the following week we were at home. So the whole family wanted to come up and see their favourite grandson, son, nephew, cousin etc be the hero again. So out i come from the dressing room shorts ironed perfectly socks gleaming white that would make the Daz doorstep challenge proud. New shin guards shiny blue nike fellas. Shirt tucked in neatly. Yes it's fair to say i looked the part. You know it was almost like slow motion running from the dressing room to the pitch for the warm up looking over at all family with big smiles. Up to the goalmouth i ran draping my little towel between the netting and putting my bottle just behind the post before glancing over at my family again to applaud them for the effort they made to come and see their favourite grandson etc... This was gonna be my day i taught to myself as i grinned like a cheshire cat.

This is when it all goes pete tong

Their keeper scored from a kickout in the first minute. Now in my defence it was a windy day, so windy my 5" long goatee beard kept blowing up into my mouth everytime i tried to shout instructions to my defenders but yeah all the hype and exitement ended up in tears of sadness for me and laughter for them.


Please tell me i'm not on my own!!

Racing Flat

Remeber one game where we got stuffed and at the debriefing afterwards I mentioned to one of our better, more consistent players 'Your first touch was off today'. His respponse - 'Your 2nd, 3rd and 4th touches were sh*t today!' was one of the better put downs I've heard.

Charlie

Similar experience. Had the family come up and all (including my Uncle who was over from Canada)

We were playing the league whipping boys, and I was playing up front. I was **** all game. Kept playing myself offside, poor first touch etc etc.

Then in the last 5 minutes I was put through on goal, managed to stay onside and left the defence chasing me. I was one on one with the keeper. Just as I went to smash the ball home for the winner with my right, somehow I tipped the ball with my left accidentally. It was too late though as I was already was swinging to hit the ball. This resulted in me totally slicing the ball for it to slowly roll a mile wide. Everyone was silent, except one parent who scoffed "he's fookin ****"

Thing is, I banged in a hat-trick away the next week for no one to see.

MrJoeSoap

Before a game many years ago, a very good friend of mine actually contrived to hit the ball over the bar whilst standing on the line.

Good thing it was in the warm-up.

Xavi6

I've had a few howlers -

One of the best was when I played in goals. Saved a peno to keep us 1-0 up and was really pumped. Had held onto the ball from the save and went to kick it out of my hands. Sliced it though and it dropped straight to their midfielder who proceeded to lob me from 35 yards. Talk about a buzz killer!

Let a trickler through my legs as well.

Scored a stunning OG before. Ball was crossed along the 18 yard box and me being a safety first defender in those days I tried to hoof it out for a corner. Caught it a little too well though on the half volley and it flew into the top corner. One of the best goals I've ever scored!

PHB

I once hit a free kick from just outside the box, literally on part where the the right of the semi circle meets the penalty box. I sliced it so bad that it went out for a throw in.

estebancambias

The week before our final I got a red card playing against a team who the majority of their players were in my Primary School Class(6th class) I didn't really enjoy primary school so I saw this as a way to 'seek revenege' as opposed to a school rampage. Went in two footed on one of the lads, out comes the red card. Seriously my reaction would make Cassano look mature.
I just sat on the ground legs folded with my head down in tears, until my manager ran on the pitch and lifted me off. I ran back on the pitch, and said ''that doesnt count''....just give a free kick to the other team and play on.

The ref said he would ''fine the club'':eek: The parents of the other team were in uproar.

Morf

U-12's center back, the keeper went walkabout, by attempt to put it out for a corner was hindered by disorientation and ended up in the goal. I was never forgiven. Stop playing with them soon after.

LeixlipRed

Almost scored an o.g. once. Playing right full, on the post at a corner. Ball swung in, scramble in the box, they get a snapshot. Comes at me. I swing a leg. Ball goes backwards and up and smashes of the underside of the bar into the keepers hands. Neither he nor i knew anything about it Can't ever remember making any major **** ups. Missed the odd important penalty here and there. Also missed four glaring chances on Tuesday for boards. DesF would call that a howler

Eirebear

My last ever game....

I had came on with about half an hour to go, the score was 2-2 we needed a win to kee ourselves in with a shout for the league.

I got the ball just outside the penalty area, took it past three players untill their fullback cracked my ankle and we got the penalty.

I got up, dusted myself down and lined up the kick for myself..... My ankle still throbbing, but i wanted to be a hero.....took my run up....kicked the ground in front of the ball and the ball trickled along the ground into the keepers hand, i was gutted, but told myself to get on with it, 20 minutes to go.

We hit the other team on the break...i played the ball out wide to the lad on the wing, i was free in the box, the keeper had ran towards the cross and i was left standing in the 6 yard box completey unmarked and an empty net in front of me....he pings the cross in..the wind holds it up a little so i readjust leap to head the ball.......miss it and crack my skull of the post, twisting my already buggered ankle on the way down.

I was so frustrated that when another late tackle hit me a couple of minutes later i turned round and skelped the guy....leaving me to walk off the pitch to a tirade of insults from the few spectators there.

I never played football again.

Peyton Manning

In a great counter attack after the other team had a corner, one of my mates had the ball and was one on one with the goalie, me just behind him to the left in support and no defenders to be seen. My mate tried to round the goalie, the goalie brought him down and the ball somehow trickled through both of them towards the goal. A simple tap in with no keeper from 5 yards was the task. I got it soooo wrong. Just went to nudge the ball over the line, kicked the ball too high, my foot rolled over the top of the ball and I fell forward flat on my face trying to keep my balance. I actually fell into the back of the net and the ball actually moved backwards. Goalkeeper scooped it up. I could hear the laughter but I was too concerned with the gushing nose bleed I had. It was only u-14 but f*ck was I embarassed.

A slightly more heroic story for everybody other than me on my team once was when I made two goal line clearances in the space of 10 seconds. Yay, well done, great for the team. Except both of them hit me full force in the nuts.

scruff321

dont think i have any real big howlers..i remember missing from 3 yards out miss hitting the ball and going through my legs but to be fair the keeper was comin in on top of me still should have defo scored.
ive been in scenarios were fellas on my team could have passed the ball with me open net in front of me but they chose to balloon it over selfish ****s!got 1 or 2 funny/embarrassing bookings,1once i scored the winner and got booked for over celebrating lol,and another time i had to take a piss during a match, the ball was knocked a mile outta play and while the ball was been retrieved didnt bother sayin anythin to the ref just stroled off the pitch and had a few shakes,when the ref saw me comin back on he almost had a canarey told me he would have sent me off if the game hadnt been on that long thankfullyit was just a yellow.:p

Bubs101

My worst was certainly the game I was converted from attacking midfielder to left back. At the time I was sporting Batistuta-esque hair and it was a windy day making it near impossible to see. We were playing a team that apparently hadn't won in 2 years. Anyway, thay have a corner and it's cleared out to me in the air so I try and punt it forward but because I have to look up my hair is going all over the place and I cant jjudge the flight of the ball well or my poisition. Somehow I end up turning around and volleying it at our own goal. Luckily it hit the crossbar so I ran into the box to try and make amends and end up giving away a penalty immediately by bundling into their player which they scored. I was quickly made captain of the Bs

gucci

Xavi6 wrote: »

I've had a few howlers -

One of the best was when I played in goals. Saved a peno to keep us 1-0 up and was really pumped. Had held onto the ball from the save and went to kick it out of my hands. Sliced it though and it dropped straight to their midfielder who proceeded to lob me from 35 yards. Talk about a buzz killer!

haha thats ****ing savage!!

remember my debut for a pub team (they were stuck for a player of two so i togged out and ended up being brought on with 10mins to when we were losing 2-0)
I decided id sit in midfield and do nothing spectacular and let the other guys push on, say i had touched the ball twice in 2 minutes when we got a corner, i covered the centre halfs who went into the box. Anyways the ball broke out to me and i absolutely nailed in a half volley in off the cross bar from about 35 yards out!!!
ended up losing 2-1 of course but for that night i was a legend in a new town with a new team of lads, all them buying me pints and the works. course i had to completely over do it and play a second game, and i had a f**king nightmare. gave away 2 goals pretty much single handily and was restored to my position on the bench for the next few games.

Ended up getting back in the team but it was never the same

Oh yeah i forgot, i got sent off for nearly putting a poor GIRL through a wall in 5 a-side competition for a mis-timed tackle.....i done well to escape without getting beat that night (the girl probably would have beat me worse than any of the lads on her team!)

Dun laoire

A fella i played with Barry Keegan but lets just call him Mr X for idendity purposes. They called him skyline Barry. I'll never forget the day he hit the crossbar from about one foot from the line. I didnt think it could be possible. How we laughed

KdjaCL

Gaa 1st
Went to croke park back in the day in schools final vs Star of the Sea (meath i think), i was star goalkeeper from previous rounds, no goals conceded at all.

Was a muddle on edge of the box i dived in took everyone out and claimed the ball, fookin ref sent me off and the school retook the team photo with out me

Football playing for westland rovers missed the easiest goal ever, was a corner and ball came in low to front post someone shot and it hit the post and landed at my feet about 6 inches out, i was flat footed and somehow the shot went behind me

Playing for boardeaux we had cleared a corner and our right winger had the ball with acres in front of him, i wasnt watching assuming he would run down the pitch and he played the ball back to me i dithered and they scored, ended our winning streak


When playing for Clonburris years ago i was star keeper, 1st game my da went to see we got thrashed 5-0 i was about 2 foot playing in a full size goal, each went in top corner and my dives were for show only. he never went again


kdjac

KdjaCL

gucci wrote: »

Oh yeah i forgot, i got sent off for nearly putting a poor GIRL through a wall in 5 a-side competition for a mis-timed tackle.....i done well to escape without getting beat that night (the girl probably would have beat me worse than any of the lads on her team!)

:eek::eek:

kdjac

ibh

Was playing in the Dundalk Schoolboys league a long long time ago. A competition was run between the teams where they sent 5 players to take part in penalty shoot outs at half time in the League of Ireland games up in fortress Oriel..
We had a competition in training to select our penalty takers and I never missed a penalty, was also the penalty taker for the team for a few years without a miss. So I was up to take the last peno.
In the shootout it was set up for me. Their last player missed his peno and i just had to score (and it was only Eddie Van Boxtel in goal!!!). So I stepped up and cool as u like I slotted it about 6ft over the bar and out over the wall..

Luckily my dad had videoed the moment so i got to watch it a few times afterwards.

Pepe LeFrits

Playing with the work crowd on astro about 18 months ago, the ball went for a throw in. I was playing in attack and I noticed that the guy taking the throw in was going to throw the ball right across his defence. He did, so I bust a gut to intercept the ball before it got to the recipient, so I'd be straight in on goal.

Unfortunately I misjudged the bounce of the ball and it slammed straight into my face as I was running at top speed, knocking me off balance. I ended up doing some sort of somersault and next thing I know I'm lying on my back with about a dozen of my workmates laughing their arses off at me.

Still not as embarrassing as the time in secondary school when during PE, the ball bounced up at my mate at an awkward above-waist height, so he tried to simultaneously head AND kick the ball. He missed the ball and kicked himself in the head