Quickies

rocky25

Who said children are getting dumber every year?
Check out the wisecracks below and judge for
yourselves:


TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn't, Teacher. I'm eight today.


TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North
America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!


TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have
today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!


TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you
are.


TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."


SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.


TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't
have feet.


TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by
biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.


TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the
alphabet."


MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.


TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and
eight oranges in the other, what would I have?


CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated
area.

Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big
strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!"
Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!"
Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!"
Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!"
And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.


The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He
asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name
three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he
was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton both die on the same day.

They both go before Saint Peter to find out if they will be admitted to heaven.

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so St. Peter must
decide which of them will get in.

He asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to
heaven.
She takes her top off and says, "Look at these. They're the
most perfect God has ever created, and I am sure it would please him to
be able to see them every day for eternity."

Saint Peter thanks Dolly, and then asks Queen Elizabeth the same
question.

Queen Elizabeth then drops her skirt and panties, takes a
bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and douches with it.


St. Peter says, "Okay, your majesty, you may go in."
Outraged, Dolly screams, "What in the hell was that all about?
I showed you two of God's greatest creations.
She performed a disgusting hygiene act, and she gets in and I don't."

"Sorry, Dolly," says St. Peter, "but a royal flush beats a pair any
day."