I thought this was 21st Century

LouOB

I have been going out with BF for over 5years and last year his sister got married and had a child. She is same age as myself. Since then his parents are at him to get married and recenlty my mother is starting.

WTF if a person is happy in their relationship why are other people intent of forcing marraige and kids on their sons/daughters?
If I want to get married its up to me and why should we let others let us guide our decisions? It quite annoying when you see family - so, when is the BIG day out??

Or is it just a case of jumping on the band waggon??

Dudess

It's very common, don't let it get to you. The people who make these comments mean well, if only they could just realise how irritating they're being. It was considered ok back when they were young - "you're 24 and single? You'd want to get a move on" etc. They don't realise times have changed drastically.
And they just want the excitement of a wedding and kids.

John Mason

they dont bother me, i just ignore them. its up to you whether you allow peoples beliefs to upset you or not

For my parents generation, marraige was a sign of respect.
My dad gets mad when he see men (my dad reckons it is all their fault) who are proud of having a whole family outside of marraige. He thinks it is indecent to not want to offer your family as solid a foundation as possible.
But that is just him.

Anyway people generally seem to have little awareness of how unwelcome, unhelpful and possibly hurtful their two cents on the status of your relationship and/or family status is.

Just thank god your not having to listen them as your having trouble trying to concieve.

Lux23

I do get the 'Have you a boyfriend yet' more and more these days. Be thankful you are in a realtionship because if you weren't they either think you are gay or a freak. Well thats what I get all the time anyway.

Niamho!

Lux23 wrote: »

I do get the 'Have you a boyfriend yet' more and more these days. Be thankful you are in a realtionship because if you weren't they either think you are gay or a freak. Well thats what I get all the time anyway.

HEHE. my family have stopped caring i think. My brother is convinced im a lesbian. but thats mostly coz he doesnt want any boys sniffing around. Hehe

Cathmandooo

Lux23 wrote: »

I do get the 'Have you a boyfriend yet' more and more these days. Be thankful you are in a realtionship because if you weren't they either think you are gay or a freak. Well thats what I get all the time anyway.

I get that all the damn time. Then they ask me about me and my best mate (female) :rolleyes: What point do you stop getting these remarks though? My sister and sister in laws are always asked 'whens the next baby coming along now' :rolleyes: I guess it never ends

Dragan

Lou,

i guess it's as simple as some of us wondering why people would get married to begin with?

Personally, i don't see marrige as being that important to me. When i meet a girl i want to spend the rest of my life i won't feel the need to get married to prove that to others. But thats just me.

As such, i sometimes wonder why other folk would get married. It's not a mean or concious thing, just sometimes our own lifestyle will have obvious affects on the advice and wishes we have for others.

Like your fella's rents. They come from a time when marrige was an obvious goal for just about everyone. Thats all it is i would say.

Lux23

Cathooo wrote: »

I get that all the damn time. Then they ask me about me and my best mate (female) :rolleyes: What point do you stop getting these remarks though? My sister and sister in laws are always asked 'whens the next baby coming along now' :rolleyes: I guess it never ends

I guess when you hit your 80s they start asking 'so when you going to die'?

Dudess

Lux23 wrote: »

I do get the 'Have you a boyfriend yet' more and more these days. Be thankful you are in a realtionship because if you weren't they either think you are gay or a freak. Well thats what I get all the time anyway.

You seem to be bothered by what they're saying though - just remember that they're the ones with the problem, not you. If they're that bothered by the personal life of someone else, then they probably have insecurities about themselves.

I love this "why don't you get a boyfriend?" question. It's as if you can just acquire a boyfriend down in Tesco! I'm seeing someone all right but it hasn't become particularly serious I have to say. The way that the majority of people are in a relationship by a certain age smacks to me of "settling" - I just don't think falling in love could be that common...

Dragan

Dudess wrote: »

I love this "why don't you get a boyfriend?" question.

It happens. There is a general assumption that we cannot be happy along it seems. Everytime i go home my dear Catholic Mum asks me "do you have a girlfriend" and each time i say "no".

What am i supposed to say "no, but i have one or two friends and we like to to have some fun together Mum."

I think not.

Lux23

Dudess wrote: »

You seem to be bothered by what they're saying though - just remember that they're the ones with the problem, not you. If they're that bothered by the personal life of someone else, then they probably have insecurities about themselves.

...

It does bother me alot. Im 25 and of course I would like to be in a realtionship and when people say things like that to me I feel so exposed and inadequate. I can't help that and I know its certainly not cool of me to admit it but what can I do. Most of the time of it doesn't bother me and I get on with it but I do wonder if some people say this out of cruelty or are they that out of touch? I find it hard to believe that the fact that I am single makes anyone feel insecure about themselves.

Dudess

Are you bothered about being single or about the comments?

Yes I do think people have insecurities about themselves if they're that concerned about other people's private lives. Why on earth would you give a fukk whether a person has a partner or not?

Lux23

Dudess wrote: »

Are you bothered about being single or about the comments?

Yes I do think people have insecurities about themselves if they're that concerned about other people's private lives. Why on earth would you give a fukk whether a person has a partner or not?

Bit of both. Mostly the former but not so much that I am in a panic about it all the time , but those comments really make me doubt myself.

I wouldn't care but some people are just really nosey about people's realtionships.

Dudess

Yeah, probably because their own relationships are crap and/or they're jealous of people who have the luxury of being footloose and fancy-free and aren't also in crap relationships like them.
Please don't have doubts about yourself. You're only 25 - tons of 25-year-olds are single.

Lux23

Dudess wrote: »

Yeah, probably because their own relationships are crap and/or they're jealous of people who have the luxury of being footloose and fancy-free and aren't also in crap relationships like them.
Please don't have doubts about yourself. You're only 25 - tons of 25-year-olds are single.

Oh I know. You can't help what nasty thoughts creep into your head sometimes.

LouOB

I got same crap when I was single - jazus. Its really annoying people asking same question over again. Maybe they dont have conversation skill meh.

Best one was when BF nephew was getting christened - i got the auld elbow 'it'll be you next' - over my dead uteras. Oh I was prepared, and said - 'I cant have kids'. The shock on her face - then she ran over and told BF mother. They nearly fainted - priceless

Dudess

LouOB wrote: »

then she ran over and told BF mother. They nearly fainted - priceless

Are you serious? Sounds like a fukking moron whoever it was.

LouOB

Dudess wrote: »

Are you serious? Sounds like a fukking moron whoever it was.

When I am going to be at a 'family gathering' Ill have few sayings up my sleeve to scare them off or provide me with entertainment. Hopefully they will stop asking/caring to ask.

all the stars

hmm.. relationships come in time - you have to be a complete person by yourself before you can be properly in a relationship.
Thats the whole desperate housewives & sex in the city s*ite making people think if your 30 & unmarried the world doesn't want you.

Thats why i have never watched more that 10 minutes of each. Plenty of people dont meet the right person til they are more mature. thats not a bad thing.

seaner

its just something say immediately after there's been a family wedding. My gf got the exact same thing for a few weeks after her sis got married - we've been going out for 3 years. But she didn't let it bother her.
Actually to one person i heard her reply - "oh its soon, you just don't know about it, cuz we're eloping to Las Vegas!!"

Jesus Wept

seaner wrote: »

its just something say immediately after there's been a family wedding. My gf got the exact same thing for a few weeks after her sis got married - we've been going out for 3 years. But she didn't let it bother her.
Actually to one person i heard her reply - "oh its soon, you just don't know about it, cuz we're eloping to Las Vegas!!"

Try the Peter Kay approach:

That always happens at weddings, doesn't it, and christenings. Some Aunt or Uncle always says 'you'll be next love'.
I'm waiting to see them at some funeral. I'll go up to them, nudge them and say 'you'll be next, love. It'll be your turn, this time next year'.

piscean

With my boyfriend 4 1/2 years and everyone of our closest friends are getting married this year and next year but we have people constantly asking "when are you getting married" - does my head in, think i'll do a tape recording and play it when asked again!!
The funniest was everyone in work expecting an engagement ring when I came back from xmas hols - as I said to them it could happen this Halloween when he gets the barnbrack ring:p