Help with these lyrics

pinksoir

So I'm trying to finish off the last song of my album. I've gone through about ten different ideas for the lyrics but I'm settling on this idea. So I basically need an objecive ear to tell me if they are any good or if the idea is clear...

(as yet untitled)

1) Baby, now won't you bring me home, put me to bed,
I've been to this party so many times.
Filling the teacups up with cheap and nasty wine.
Closing the curtains to avoid the sun's shine.

2) We think we're hedonistic baby, but we're not.
High-living lowlifes is what we are.
We could have gone home,man, when the clubs c-closed at 3
Instead my leg's twitching, now I'll never get to sleep

(chorus)
Although we ought to know
Our weeks all end the same
And though we've said before
Our childhoods gone now this is how we play.

3) Guitar solo
Guitar solo
Come on, let's stay an hour more
Getting home's gonna be such a slog

4) When I was 8 years old I wished that i was 10
When I was 10 I wished that I was 12
My Mamma she told me, "Boy enjoy it now while you are young"
That line never sold me, being older had to be more fun...

(chorus)
Although we ought to know
Our weeks all end the same
And though we've said before
Our childhoods gone now this is how we play.

So any thoughts? Any input is much appreciated. Was thinking of making verse 4 verse 1 and verse 2 with verse 4, which would leave verse 1 as verse 2. If ya get my drift...so it would be telling about growing up in the first verse, and then telling about the party throughout the rest of the song...I dunno. Help please!

Cheers,
Karl

pinksoir

good, bad, indifferent? any criticism is welcome...

johnnysmack

hey karl. its hard to comment without knowing the tune or how fast or slow the song is but as far as changes verse goes i wouldnt. i no the whole growing up thing through the verse is what ur thinking but y not leave it as a reminesce like it is and as also your stating at the start bout why being grown up isnt all its cracked up to be.

pinksoir

Thanks. Yeah, it does sound better as a remeniscence at teh end. I'd sort of settled on that myself, glad you agree.

It's a pretty upbeat song, bluesy almost about the tempo of "Coffee and TV"...

Also glad the idea comes across clearly enough...

cheers for the input,
Karl.

eoin5

i really like those lyrics, nice and grounded and youre serious but youre not taking yourself too seriously. Its very accessable and relevant to the times we live in. If you ever need some bass pm me

pinksoir

Thanks. Appreciate that. It's about the 10th revision of the song... songs shouldn't take themselves too serious in my opinion. I listen to a lot of Kinks/Ray Davies. He was the master at that.

Bass you say...

pinksoir

So, Thanks to all who helped me with these lyrics. You can listen to the finished song on my myspace page:

http://www.myspace.com/pinkymusic

It's the song called 'This Is How We Play'

Consequently, if anyone is interested, the songs up there are from the album I'm releasing. They are unmastered versions of the songs that I've put up to give people a bit of a taste of what the album will be like. I'm gonna put all the songs up in groups of three over the coming weeks, so check back.


Thanks again and enjoy.

LauraAnnCunn

Lyrics are very clever.... sounds like a rapper? hehe...

Really enjoyed that.. wouldn't change it... would love to hear it though?:Dx