Am I a lesbian?

LegacyUser

I bet you guys hate these threads so I'm really sorry about this. I predict this is going to be a long rant but I'll try and shorten it.

I'm 16 year old female and I've never really doubted my sexuality per se but it's always been in the back of mind "Am I gay?". I grew up in a house with loads of brothers. I don't really talk to one of them anymore only the bare minimum and I don't get on with him at all. I don't know if this is to do with him being gay or not but I've always been uncomfortable about it. He's never 'come out of the closet' - people just know. And all our family knows and some are more ok with it then others. For example, me and my other brother never really talk with him but my parents are all cool with it.

Anyway, when I was growing up I was a bit of a tomboy. I'd always play with my brothers Transformers toys rather than Barbies (Mind you I had a BabyBorn) and I played soccer, joined kickboxing club, did typical male things. And although I've grown out of that (i.e I like boys ) I would still be less feminine than most. I like being feminine and dress nice, watch chic-flics with the girls etc. but I'd still wanna watch the footie with my brother any day over going makeup shopping or whatever.

The thing is..guys don't think I'm a lesbian or anything but they see me more as a mate. I'm not very good looking but I'm not a big butch freak like. I try as best as I can. Don't wear much makeup but when going out I look nice. I just never seem to get the guys..and all of my other mates have boyfriends but no one is ever interested in me.

So I think that this attraction to girls is more because I can't get guys? I could never imagine going out with a girl, having permanent relationships, living together, marraige (if it was allowed) etc. yet I find myself attracted to good looking girls. It's not a sexual thing either because, although I find girls hot, I think that...yknow...ladyparts (:) ) are disgusting. I don't think I'd be able to kiss a girl either...thats kind of a turn off.

So why do I think I'm a lesbian? A few of my not-so-close friends are incredibly nice to me...and I don't understand why. I suffer from depression and have a general low self-esteem, but when these casual friends (really good looking ones) are nice to me I just feel so happy because they fuss over me. They pay attention to me. And they're gorgous! I just wanna take care of the...nothing sexual, I just want to take care of them like a typical boyfriend would take care of his girlfriend.

What the fck is wrong with me? Am I some sort of freak? Or do other gays/lesbians feel this way?

Stark

You don't sound like a lesbian, it just sounds like you're able to appreciate female beauty. Which is fairly normal.

crotalus667

confusedgirl wrote: »

I think that...yknow...ladyparts (:) ) are disgusting. I don't think I'd be able to kiss a girl either...thats kind of a turn off.

Im sory to have to tell you, you have faild to meet the entry requriments for being a lesbian,

it's pretty straight foward wanting to have sex with other girl's is what makes a girl a lesbian :rolleyes:

the other feelings you have just sound to me like a slight bit of confusion i.e admeraition ,

Now go forth and enjoy life

ps
Go easy on your brother ,

CelticChimp

Now, as a hetrosexual guy, I can't understand for a minute why all women are not lesbian
That aside though, you are not gay. Would it surprise you to know that about 60% of women fantasize about being with another woman. The other 40% can generally appricate beauty in other women. It's not gay at all. I find it troubling that you shun your brother for no more reason than him being gay. He does not have a chioce about who and what he is. There is nothing at all wrong with being gay. You should understand. He feels the same way about guys that you do. It is a very, very bad reason to ostracise someone. I would urge you to give this some serious thought. How would you feel if people treated you badly for no more reason than you prefer watching footie to going shopping? You are what you are, same as the rest of us. Don't so hard on someone else for just being who they are. Don't be too hard on yourself either.

claire h

confusedgirl wrote: »

I suffer from depression and have a general low self-esteem...

See, that strikes me as the problem here. You're not really in a place to form stable relationships anyway, you're obviously going to react strongly to people who are nice and taking care of you and giving you what you need, but that, as I think you know, doesn't equal sexual attraction.

Also, seriously, you thought the LGB forum was the place to talk about how uncomfortable you are with your gay brother or use the term 'big butch freak'? Come on, less of that.

LegacyUser

Hey, thanks for the replies guys and first of all;

1) I'm not shunning my brother because he's gay, it's a bit more complicated than that. I hadn't spoken to him in years before I knew he was gay.

2) Sorry for using the term 'big butch freak' but I wasn't trying to imply that that's what lesbians are - I'm just saying that although I'm ugly, I'm not hideous.

As I said, I can't imagine having sex with a woman but I do find the female body (from the waist up!) attractive and, yeah, I do appreciate female beauty.

But I also find myself wanting to be with this girl I work with. She's gorgous..really nice, funny etc. but she's going through a rough time with her boyfriend and although I know she'd never want to be with me, I just want to hold her and take care of her.

This sounds really stupid..

So I'm not a lesbian, but I'm just weird...lol

Boston

You question why you don't have a boyfriend, but are you interested in any of the males you know? A lot of teenagers just want a partner for the shake of having one, kinda like how you described it. All your friends have someone and so you want someone. In a way that never stops.

As for your friends, there are people we all enjoy the company of. We feel relaxed and safe around them. Sometimes those are people we're also sexually attracted to, sometimes they're not, the two don't have to go hand in hand.

yawnstretch

I don't think you're a lesbian. Maybe you should try to be more proactive with the guys - less "mate"y and more "sweet"y/romantic - they might be shocked (in a good way?)

mollzer

Hi, I know its been a while since anyone posted here but having read your post confused girl I thought I would let you in on a wee secret..........

Sexuality isnt about fitting into one of 2/3 boxs................we're not either hetro or gay or bisexual. Its a personal thing, so stop trying to put a label on yourself.
Just because you find women attractive doesnt mean your body is going to make you kiss them against your will ! so stop being afraid of your feelings, you are no 'freak' or 'weird'.
Your sexuality is yours, its unique like you...........so what if your a tomboy, or like women from the waist up! you also find men atrractive dont you? so what if you have a crush on your best friend..doesnt mean you are ever going to kiss her................and at the end of the day you are only 16.

Give yourself a break, you dont have to fit into a certain box, go out into the world and be yourself, and enjoy yourself. Be free to be attracted to either male or female................you just never know what will happen in the future.

Good luck with your life, and remember go with your instincts..

Overheal

confusedgirl wrote: »

So I think that this attraction to girls is more because I can't get guys?

On the flip-side this makes me question some things about my last interest: she was a self-preached lesbian but spent more time baiting/fooling around with guys like me - because she could. I'm wondering if she did it because she couldn't find a girl to be in a relationship with?

Dudess

You're not a lesbian or "weird", you're just young and immature. You're also exceptionally lacking in confidence (you referred to yourself as "ugly" ffs) and you've been fed an ideal of what a teenage girl should be and you long to conform to that ideal, but because you think you don't conform to it, you feel you're "weird". At 16 you don't need a boyfriend, don't just seek one out simply because your friends have them. It's highly unlikely these relationships will last anyway.
As for appreciating the female form, I could look at some women all day and I have never once felt sexual attraction to a female. A lot of straight women say they'd prefer to watch porn featuring two girls getting it on rather than two guys - not me. Give me two guys any day. Sexual attraction doesn't have to come into admiration at all. Women love looking at women. Here's a gem from the publishing/advertising world: "Want to sell a men's magazine? Put a picture of a beautiful woman on the front. Want to sell a women's magazine? Put a picture of a beautiful woman on the front."
Stop being so critical of yourself. You're as good as any of those other girls. And I bet when you say you're "ugly but not hideous" what that really means is you're not drop-dead gorgeous. Few of us are, but with make-up and better still, confidence, we can make ourselves utter knockouts.

Now the harsh part:

confusedgirl wrote: »

I'm not shunning my brother because he's gay, it's a bit more complicated than that. I hadn't spoken to him in years before I knew he was gay.

Reeks of serious backpedalling following this:

confusedgirl wrote: »

I don't really talk to one of them anymore only the bare minimum and I don't get on with him at all. I don't know if this is to do with him being gay or not but I've always been uncomfortable about it. He's never 'come out of the closet' - people just know. And all our family knows and some are more ok with it then others. For example, me and my other brother never really talk with him but my parents are all cool with it.

Are you sure you're not uncomfortable with your brother's homosexuality?

And finally:

I like boys

Is that not enough to convince you you're not a lesbian?

philoshea

you might be going throgh a phase dont be hard on yourself things will work out for the best