being bullied ???

bershka

:(need some advice. my daughter is having a really hard time. shes been really intelligent and popular in school always but a while back when at a parent teacher meeting her teacher explained to me that sometimes when a child is like this other kids get jealous and tend to alienate them purely because of jealousy.she said she noticed a bit starting and cautioned the child involved. i was surprised to hear it was one of my daughters friends and was told just keep an eye on it!she had been calling her a geek and a nerd.My daughter has been trying hard to ignore it and nearly a year on its continuing while the child continues pretending to be a friend.I am now sickened to find out that she has been trying her best to coax all of her friends away from her and telling them 'dont invite her' and 'dont talk to her'.i think its getting out of hand and shes now being left on her own.shes really friendly with everyone and even helps this girl with her homework if she asks! the girl has been telling people to ignore her in school and even asked someone to swap seats because she woudnt sit beside my daughter. should i notify the school .(shes in secondary school now) sorry its so long

Redpunto

You're entrusting the school with your daughter's welfare while she is there and it is their responsibilty to sort this out. AT that age though the child being bullied might have to stand up for herself and tell this "friend" to back off. Bullies wil usually only bully people who let them bully them.

Loopy

God bless your patience, I think I would be up to the school to deal with her 'friend' myself.. My daughter is only 6 and your situation is what Im dreading the most as she grows older.

I would defo notify the school about this, her friend is a bully and it needs to be addressed..

Groe

Maybe if you spoke to the parents of the other girl. IMO that is very childish in a secondary school. It also seems to be the other girl that has the problem, maybe insecurity?

luckat

You might consider asking the school to set up a session on bullying with Trinity College's ABC (Anti-Bullying Centre): http://www.abc.tcd.ie/

The ABC's website has a section on school bullying: http://www.abc.tcd.ie/school.html

Its presentations in schools (http://www.abc.tcd.ie/services.html) can be very effective, setting up awareness of what bullying is and how it works without exposing anyone as a bully or as being bullied.

spurious

Her school should have an anti-bullying co-ordinator who can help. There are a number of fairly simple strategies that can help kids who are the victims of bullying make themselves less likely to be a target.

MLE

I was bullied like this in secondary school, by a few girls. I was a very good student on the debating team etc and I liked to have fun too. So I guess I was a lot of teachers pets and there were a group of girls who bullied me, manly verbally. Once physically where they locked me in a locker :o as I was very small.

It did affect my school life a bit and my older sister knew it was happening and gave out to the girls and told my mother but my mother had bad depression at the time and actually said that I was not to embarrass her by crying in school, so she couldnt help.

I finally fought back in sixth year on my 18th birthday and I told my maths teacher and everything was brought out in the open. The main bully and I sorted out our differences, she had some problems at home and so thats probably why she picked on me. But little do the bullies realise that those being bullied can also have issues at home themselves.

Anyway it all got sorted and I never let myself get bullied again.

So from someone whos been there, I think that maybe you should say it to the school as it would be better to get it sorted sooner rather than later and its great that you are there to help your daughter.

luckat

http://youtube.com/watch?v=9K2EA8SWhh8&fmt=18 Bullied kid gets his own back

Kooli

As a counsellor who works with a lot of adults who were bullied as kids, I'm often shocked by how little understanding there is for how harrowing and painful it can be.

It absolutely has to be brought out into the open. The school will have a policy in place, they should use it.

As for your daughter, it will make a huge difference to her to know she has your support and to hear you saying, directly or indirectly, 'what is happening to you is not OK'. Unless she gets that message, she may feel she deserves it, that the bullies are justified, that it's not OK to be smart etc.

I question anti-bullying schemes that put the responsibility for the bullying onto the victim. They have a right not to be bullied. It's not their fault. They shouldn't be taught how 'not to be a target', because that tells them it IS their fault in some way.

Loopy

Kooli wrote: »

As a counsellor who works with a lot of adults who were bullied as kids, I'm often shocked by how little understanding there is for how harrowing and painful it can be.

It absolutely has to be brought out into the open. The school will have a policy in place, they should use it.

As for your daughter, it will make a huge difference to her to know she has your support and to hear you saying, directly or indirectly, 'what is happening to you is not OK'. Unless she gets that message, she may feel she deserves it, that the bullies are justified, that it's not OK to be smart etc.

I question anti-bullying schemes that put the responsibility for the bullying onto the victim. They have a right not to be bullied. It's not their fault. They shouldn't be taught how 'not to be a target', because that tells them it IS their fault in some way.

Great post, totally agree with this.