Friends with children

SarahSassy

iguana wrote: »

shopping trips to find the perfect pair of black trousers are incredibly boring for the person who already has nice black trousers. Repeated talk of will he/won't he call, what does that text message mean is boring. Constant talk of the amazing trip to India is boring.

Less boring than 'Baby X' only slept for 4 hours last night and is now on 7 oz of formula - isnt he great??? NO

People who go on and on about any topic are boring and not all non-parents only talk about trousers, holidays and texts... I find my friend with kids have no interest in anything other than the baby - American elections NO, state of the economy NO and these people are well educated and used to be interesting.... Its bizarre.

Chinafoot

SarahSassy wrote: »

Less boring than 'Baby X' only slept for 4 hours last night and is now on 7 oz of formula - isnt he great??? NO

People who go on and on about any topic are boring and not all non-parents only talk about trousers, holidays and texts... I find my friend with kids have no interest in anything other than the baby - American elections NO, state of the economy NO and these people are well educated and used to be interesting.... Its bizarre.

I will be very very interested to read what you think of this subject should you ever have a child.

I'm with Iguana on this one. We've all bored our friends with certain things and having a child is an enormous change. It's all consuming. Do you think the new mother has a chance to sit down and have a look at whats happening in the run up to the American Elections? Chances are if she has a spare few minutes/hours they'll be spent sleeping.

SarahSassy

Ha ha Ill probably be the biggest baby bore in Ireland

Latchy

And just when they get out of babies they turn into teens :rolleyes:

sweet jazus life is so cruel at times

ntlbell

Chinafoot wrote: »

I will be very very interested to read what you think of this subject should you ever have a child.

I'm with Iguana on this one. We've all bored our friends with certain things and having a child is an enormous change. It's all consuming. Do you think the new mother has a chance to sit down and have a look at whats happening in the run up to the American Elections? Chances are if she has a spare few minutes/hours they'll be spent sleeping.

This is nonsense if she had 3 or 4 kids with no support network maybe.

The thing about it's not "new" mothers it seems to never end.

There's no reason when a mothers kids have started going to school that somehow somewhere she can find something else to talk about than her kids.

Ickle Magoo

Hmmm, it's a tricky one...yes, I think most parents do become baby bores - whether they mean to or not. I also think it's a bit inevitable given the magnitude of the life change. I think becoming a parent changes you forever in a way that you cannot possibly understand until you become a parent. Of course to non-parents that sounds like an exclusive club filled by self-centered, brat adoring idiots, lol.

I hated the thought of having kids all my life, vowed never to have any. Rolled my eyes to heaven & yawned when my friends had kids & seemed to yap on about them 24/7 - but mostly I got upset that they moved away from me & out of our familiar social settings & seemed to have something more important to do that didn't include me.

Now I'm a parent, I'm doing the same thing. I know I'm drifting away from my single pals & socialising more with other parents. I go out the odd night with my single friends & it's all about trying to get a fella, trying to keep a fella, new clothes, celebs doing whatever, etc, etc...I try to keep involved in the conversation but I just don't find it very interesting - that coupled with the lack of sleep just doesn't make for a very interesting night out for either of us.

I love my friends but we just have so little in common now other than our history. I'm very conscious of being a baby bore but I'm a stay at home mum with 2 under 3yrs old, my life revolves around the kids & kid-orientated things & I feel much less self-conscious chatting to people who can understand & are interested in what I'm taking about/doing/going through. My friends are very good & I know they try to understand what it's like but I really feel a gap opening up between us.

MsFifers

This is interesting - it seems to be a v. common thing - but strangely I never noticed it as an issue before it happened with my own friends.

LouOB

I have one friend who has 2 kids and she NEVER has drove me mad about kid stuff. I think she realises that I made friends with HER and not her children.
Of course I am delighted to hear of when one of them does well in ballet/football but thats it

stovelid

Chinafoot wrote: »

I'm with Iguana on this one. We've all bored our friends with certain things and having a child is an enormous change. It's all consuming..

++

I'm not a fan of people that go on about their kids ad infinitum, but I understand that it's a large part of their life. For first time parents, the changes can be utterly overwhelming.

Some deal it with far better than others - I have friends who fall into both camps.

As for listening to stuff that has nothing to do with you: I haven't went out with my friend's partners /did their jobs/lived in their heads for the last x years, but I've (gladly) put in years listening to them talk about it.

Some people that complain about parent talk have a deeper agenda: sometimes, it's plain annoyance that people are not as freely available for them in the way that they were. Or that friends having kids confronts them with the reality of what parenting entails.

It also works both ways: plenty of parents are suddenly removed from the address books of their friends. It's not always the other way around.

Mrs_Doyle

MsFifers wrote: »

Are my friends unusual? Or is it common for new mothers to drift away from their old friends who dont have children? Should I say something to them - or just accept that we are on different paths now ? What are people's experiences of this?

I have a lot of friends who have children. Some of them are great, they keep in touch, and come out as often as they can, considering their responsibilities... others have just disappeared off the face of my planet!

Luckily, I also have a large group of friends who have no babies, and no major commitments, and who are always available for a night out, or what have ya, so it doesn't bother me too much.

coffee_cake

embee wrote:

"Oh, I was in Pub X last night with Persons A,B & C. We got so pissed, it was hilarious. Person C was puking all over the place. We went to Club Y and Person B was with this guy. The night was ruined then when I had a row with my boyfriend"... (the row is usually about absolutely nothing)... etc etc ad nauseum with endless "hilarious" anecdotes thrown in. These friends have little or no interest in meeting for a coffee on a weekend day or having lunch. I move in different circles now and so do they.

There are two sides to every situation tbh.

Yeah. It's getting a little like that for me. I'd far rather meet for lunch/coffee or even movies but they do the club thing.
And no children involved

Slutmonkey57b

I think it's very difficult to have kids and not end up talking about them a lot - because when you have them, they're really quite interesting creatures to watch. It's a bit like watching a good nature documentary. There is the point though that I think people who do nothing but talk about their kids are usually the ones with no free time to themselves. It sucks when your friends are suddenly obsessed with babies and can't go out, but equally it sucks when you have a baby and your friends disappear because you can't go out on the piss every week.