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When he wants to be with his friends: without you

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  • 23-03-2008 9:16pm
    #1
    InTouch
    Registered Users Posts: 75 ✭✭


    Has your boyfriend/significant other ever decided to go out but tell you he only wants to go out with his friends without you? Might sound kind of strange but we only see each other once or twice a week because of work etc.. It's easter time too but, anyway. I'm kind of hurt. If anyone else has gone through a similar thing feel free to respond..


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    #2
    kittenkiller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,433 ✭✭✭kittenkiller


    We all need time with just our mates.
    ONce in a while it's going to happen that schedules collide and he's going to want to spend time with his mates.
    If it starts to happen all the time, then maybe get a little concerned, but every now ans then it's perfectly normal.
    Otherwise he'll just end up getting slagged for not being able to go anywhere without you and you'll end up looking more like a mammy than a girlfriend.

    Go off and meet your friends and do some of the girlie things that you can't really do when there's a bloke around!
    Enjoy your time apart and you'll appreciate the time you have together!


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    #3
    SheRa
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,628 ✭✭✭SheRa


    When I was with my boyfriend I loved going out seperately to him as it was fun being out with my female friends and it made me appreciate him all the more. It was never a reflection on him that I wanted to see my friends seperately. Im sure that your other half is the same.


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    #4
    Chinafoot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    Oh you have to have some level of separation in your personal lives. If he's having a night with just his mates then you should organise a night with just your mates.

    Getting upset about this will paint you in a very bad light. He'll think you're needy and clingy and possibly possessive. None of which are very attractive qualities in a girlfriend.


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    #5
    Peared
    Registered Users Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭Peared


    Ah darlin its totally normal, not a reflection of how he feels about you at all.

    Try organise your own stuff, you'll find you are thinking less about this kind of stuff if you are doing your own thing.

    Men, probably moreso than women need htheir space with their mates. So even if he loves you to bits he will want to head out without you.

    Maybe ask him for a bit of notice when he's heading out, so you can make plans.

    Of course if he is backing off in other ways, maybe have a word.

    But if all else is ok, Id say relax and enjoy the time you do have together.


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    #6
    Nightwish
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,129 ✭✭✭Nightwish


    I understand how men and women need to go out with their friends but I feel like the OP tonight. My OH has spent last Sunday night, friday night and all day today and tonight out with his friends. He doesnt live here during the week either so I'm feeling a bit :( at the moment.


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    #7
    InTouch
    Registered Users Posts: 75 ✭✭InTouch


    Thank you for the responses so far. I don't have a problem at all with him going out with his friends, he does be very happy when he is with them. And everything is great when we are together, even though it is so seldom we see one another... I don't want to confront him about it because he is very dedicated to his job and works very late hours, last time I mentioned us not spending enough time together he began to get defensive and I didn't want an argument so I gave up. Feeling hurt is hard to communicate under these circumstances...


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    #8
    kittenkiller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,433 ✭✭✭kittenkiller


    Nightwish wrote: »
    I understand how men and women need to go out with their friends but I feel like the OP tonight. My OH has spent last Sunday night, friday night and all day today and tonight out with his friends. He doesnt live here during the week either so I'm feeling a bit :( at the moment.
    I guess the only thing you can do is let him know how you feel and maybe arange something a bit special for the two of you to do tomorrow?
    Good luck.


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    #9
    Nightwish
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,129 ✭✭✭Nightwish


    Oh he knows how I feel! I'll see what he has planned for tomorrow. I'll kick him up the ar$e if its got something to do with his friends.


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    #10
    kittenkiller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,433 ✭✭✭kittenkiller


    Nightwish wrote: »
    Oh he knows how I feel! I'll see what he has planned for tomorrow. I'll kick him up the ar$e if its got something to do with his friends.
    Good woman! ;)


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    #11
    corcaighcailin9
    Registered Users Posts: 686 ✭✭✭corcaighcailin9


    All fellas need their lads night, you'll only get a right slagging if you make an issue out of it. My fella is out at the mo, last time I saw him today, he uttered the famous last words "i'm only going for a few; i'll deffo be home early". Past experience has taught me what utter sh!t this was so I'm not p!ssed of with him not being home. Yet. I'll give him another hour :D


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    #12
    Black Swan
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 47,241 CMod ✭✭✭✭Black Swan


    Absence makes the heart grow fonder? (That is, if in fact he is out with his mates and not mating with another...)


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    #13
    corcaighcailin9
    Registered Users Posts: 686 ✭✭✭corcaighcailin9


    Blue_Lagoon wrote: »
    Absence makes the heart grow fonder? (That is, if in fact he is out with his mates and not mating with another...)

    Hey there's no need for that kind of comment. Not all fellas are untrustworthy.


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    #14
    Black Swan
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 47,241 CMod ✭✭✭✭Black Swan


    corcaighcailin9 wrote: »
    Hey there's no need for that kind of comment. Not all fellas are untrustworthy.
    If you will reread my post, I did not make a sweeping generalization about "all fellas.":rolleyes:


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    #15
    corcaighcailin9
    Registered Users Posts: 686 ✭✭✭corcaighcailin9


    Yeah fair enough but that's how it sounded to me. Anyway, why even say something like that? Do you think that made the OP feel any better about her situation?


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    #16
    Chinafoot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    Blue_Lagoon wrote: »
    If you will reread my post, I did not make a sweeping generalization about "all fellas.":rolleyes:

    You're right, you didn't generalise. Instead you made a ridiculous, unfounded comment that will more than likely have the OP worrying unnecessarily. Where exactly did the OP give any indication that her boyfriend may be cheating? She didn't. Really, really unhelpful Blue_Lagoon.

    OP, if you're worried about not spending enough time together you should discuss it with him. Try and organise more things together. But remember, while the timing may be bad, he still needs to spend some time with his friends. It'll give you a more balanced relationship. Go out with the girls and have some fun when that happens.


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    #17
    Silverfish
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,696 Mod ✭✭✭✭Silverfish


    To be fair, this isn't Personal Issues :/


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    #18
    corcaighcailin9
    Registered Users Posts: 686 ✭✭✭corcaighcailin9


    I second Chinafoot's advice about organising something with the girls when he's with the boys if for no other reason than to keep your mind off the fact ye are not together.
    Having nights out without each other is perfectly healthy and ye really will appreciate the time ye spend together when ye meet up again. It just takes a bit of getting used to but don't worry we've all been there and it gets easier to deal with I promise!


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    #19
    Time Magazine
    Registered Users Posts: 8,452 ✭✭✭Time Magazine


    Depends entirely if you trust him or not.


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    #20
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    I not only don't mind if he wants to go out without me, I actively encourage it. I think having nights out & activities separate from one another is essential in a relationship. If he wouldn't let me out with my friends without tagging along, I'd feel stifled.

    helena.ryan, for what it's worth, I read the "skirts are unreal" comment as his pal was rubbing his hands in glee rather than encouraging your fella to do anything untoward. My husband's friends still talk to him as crudely as they would years ago, I don't think marrying me has changed the way they interact with him, iykwim?


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    #21
    John Mason
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason


    i spent the whole of easter telling my OH to go out with his mates without me. this is not a bad thing


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    #22
    missingyou
    Closed Accounts Posts: 89 ✭✭missingyou


    My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and only get to see each other whenever we both go to our home towns, the thing is i dont mind him seeing his friends at all, because we both take active measures in making sure that we both get time together in the day. The thing that annoys me the most is the fact that i may text him in the morning asking him does he want to do something together and he will not text back and then later i find out he is out in town with his friend. I had a big lon talk with him and I think he realises now that i need him to tell me before and then i wont mind!


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    #23
    John Mason
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason


    missingyou wrote: »
    I think he realises now that i need him to tell me before and then i wont mind!


    Hmmm, i wonder if i said this to OH, "i am sorry Dear, but you cant go out with your friends unless you ask my permission first"

    i think i would be dumpsville for me before i even finished the sentence


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    #24
    Whispered
    Registered Users Posts: 14,772 ✭✭✭✭Whispered


    Hey, deleting my previous comments as a mutual friend is on boards and obv I don't want to cause any awkwardness. :D

    Thanks btw for the comments, perhaps I am reading too much into it. (however I still think most people would feel uncomfortable with that partic situation?)


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    #25
    missingyou
    Closed Accounts Posts: 89 ✭✭missingyou


    My boyfriend and I are so close, and when I told him he didnt mind at all! I would do the exact same for him as well.... It is not really that I want to know his whereabouts at all times, its that if i text him i want him to have the decency to text me back and say "sorry, i have plans"


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    #26
    Femelade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,820 ✭✭✭Femelade


    My boyfriend and i usually do go out together, with his friends, the other guys bring their girl friends too, but paddy's weekend he went out without me, i didnt mind, i was working the next day and not feeling well, i rarely go out without him, but he has done on a good few occasions, i dont mind, i even collect him from the pub and bring him home a few times. I have a hen party this weekend, and i think he will find it strange me being out without him, he'll probably go out too.
    But if its a case where we have arranged something and he tells me he wants to go out without me..then i would be seriously pissed off.


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    #27
    _blank_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 41,926 ✭✭✭✭_blank_


    irishbird wrote: »
    Hmmm, i wonder if i said this to OH, "i am sorry Dear, but you cant go out with your friends unless you ask my permission first"

    i think i would be dumpsville for me before i even finished the sentence
    For even thinking that sentence I'm not very happy :D


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    #28
    WindSock
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,239 ✭✭✭✭WindSock


    You need to get one of these ;)

    http://www.scribd.com/doc/6930/Boys-Night-Out-Permission-Slip-1


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    #29
    missingyou
    Closed Accounts Posts: 89 ✭✭missingyou


    hahahaha brilliant xD


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    #30
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    irishbird wrote: »
    Hmmm, i wonder if i said this to OH, "i am sorry Dear, but you cant go out with your friends unless you ask my permission first"

    i think i would be dumpsville for me before i even finished the sentence
    To be fair, she's in a long-distance relationship.

    OP, people who only go out with their other halves and only stay in with their other halves are pains in the hole frankly. They are people who believe that being in a couple means you are no longer an individual and they're... morons. Then when it's all off they come running back to their friends.
    I'm not saying you're one of them but it's not ok to be like that so don't become that way. To even think about the fact that one's other half is going out with their mates is not healthy. However if the other half is always going out with their mates and not spending any time with their other half, well yes, that's not good either.


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    #31
    missingyou
    Closed Accounts Posts: 89 ✭✭missingyou


    Yeah i totally understand that and everything, and i have no problem with him going off with his friends at all! its just our time alone is very rare, and we dont get a lot of time! i dont like the fact that i was being ignored and not getting a text back from him when i asked him would he like to do something, that was the issue and not really about him being with his friends!!!


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