smoking teenager

airbag15

I have a 15 year old son who is smoking. How shuold i punish him?

Agent Smith

i'd say make him smoke a full pack, But it didnt help me.


Slides of Lung Cancer?

Feelgood

Yeah thats actually a good idea, though make it cigars as it will make him sick quicker.....

spurious

Stop his source of money.
No money no fags.

lisaloo

make him smoke about 5 one after another. Then give him a boot in the arse

Feelgood

lisaloo wrote: »

make him smoke about 5 one after another. Then give him a boot in the arse

Then dip his nose in the ashes.

airbag15

thank for help!
any other ideas?

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

luckat

Get every bit of research you can (ask ASH, the anti-smoking group) about why smoking fúcks up your body, and sit him down and show him. Don't make a big emotional deal, just show him the damning research.

Then say "I rely on your intelligence", and leave him to it. It will grate and grate on him every time he takes a fag, if he knows he's being a fool. Eventually (if not sooner), he'll stop.

ronbyrne2005

Get footage of people suffering with incurable lung disease and cancer who can barely breathe and have to use oxygen masks and are suffering immensly.

kelle

When I was 9, and my brothers 8, 5 and 3, we discovered a pack of cigarettes on the side of the road. My 8-year-old brother wanted to smoke them, so my parents sat us down and asked us all if we wanted to smoke them. We all said yes. So Dad lit up and gave us a cigarette each. We smoked them (thank goodness there were no visitors in the meantime!). We all felt sick afterwards. 30 years later, none of us have ever smoked. I think it was the fact we were not rebelling against our parents that took the fun out of it! Though I wouldn't do the same with my children (I think Social Services would be on my case!)
I don't think telling him about lung cancer is going to stop him, as teenagers never think anything will happen to them (I was a teenager once).
Maybe if you don't make a fuss when he lights up the novelty will wear off, and he'll come to realise he's just wasting money he could be spending on more worthwhile things.

littlemissbusy

Taking pocket money away, smoking loads of fags just won't do the trick. I would use the "I trust you to be able to make your own decisions and judgements but I don't condone your choice". I would have the literature maybe something visual like pics with the dangers of smoking to back up the health issues surrounding smoking. But to be honest most kids that age never think about the consequences to their health. Hopefully it is just a phase and he will grow out of it. check these links out.

http://health.idahostatesman.com/storyImages/1024-ih-addiction-700.jpg

http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/health-fitness/2007/11/05/easy-ways-to-stop-your-children-smoking-86908-20062268/

luckat

Actually, I take back my suggestion. Don't do that.

I've just noticed that the excellent book The Power of Positive Parenting by Dr Glenn I Latham has a chapter on substance abuse, which includes lots of material on smoking.

(Unfortunately, this book isn't available in Dublin City Libraries; however, you can buy it on Amazon, and it's a very handy book for parents.)

Do you smoke yourself, airbag15, or does anyone else in the house?

airbag15

ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

luckat

Does that mean 'Yes, I smoke'?

If so, you're on to a loser, I fear, unless you can 'éirigh as' at the same time as the teen. Modelling addictive behaviours isn't a known good practice for avoiding them in your children ;P

Loopy

airbag15 wrote: »

ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whats that mean?

Its a good point about others smoking around him.. My Dad let us smoke thinking we would get bored cos we were allowed but it backfired and we all still smoke. Dont know what the answer is, if he wants to smoke he will.. even if you 'forbid' him to do it or withhold his pocket money. I say sit him down and explain all the negatives and hope for the best. Good Luck..

Nevyn

I would suggest that posters new to this forum read the charter and abide by it or suffer the consquences.

luckat

The book I'm recommending, The Power of Positive Parenting by Dr Glenn I Latham, is a behavioural approach to parenting skills and is very useful.

The section on smoking and other substance issues is kind of long, and I don't want to spend the day typing.

It's got great sections on things like managing television viewing, refusing to do as told, lying and stealing, and so on.

It tends to open out the questions first, and then offer model conversations for several scenarios, so that you can consider how things may go.

There's a section on eliminating tattling, another on helping children achieve in school, and so on.

Then there's a summary on positive parenting, with a series of skills: seizing opportunities for frequent positive interactions, the ability to ignore behaviours which do not threaten the basic quality of life, limb and property, the ability to attend to an inappropriate behaviour unemotionally, precisely, directly and unemotionally; the ability to not question non-compliant children about their behaviour, or ask them to explain their behaviour... and so on.

It's really a great book - it's a standard for use in US parenting courses.

The author is a professor emeritus of education at Utah State University and a behaviour analyst. And a father of six, grandfather of 19 and great-grandad of one!

He starts out the substance section with a discursive bit about when kids are likely to smoke, etc.

He points out that the child's hero or heroine - and model - may be a parent, but can also be an aunt, grandparent or close family friend.

Then he moves on to the well-known 'I am invincible' attitude of teens.

He says the most important thing to do is "to do our very best to create a low-risk family environment, laugh a lot as parents, show our children by what we do and say that we enjoy life and we enjoy people, model a life free from indulgence in alcohol, tobacco and drugs, build our children's self-esteem through frequent and repeated references to their strengths, their successes, their great value to us as human beings and as members to the family, we appropriately and affectionately touch them, hug them, kiss them and tell them we love them, we surround ourselves and them with good literature, good music and good influences that show how much we value things that promote healthy minds, healthy bodies and healthy value systems, we are quick to acknowledge appropriate behaviours and to skilfully treat inappropriate behaviour, we spend more time than money on them, we are firm and resolved yet gentle and composed when order must be maintained, we teach our children our expectation of them without trying to force or coerce them into achieving our expectations, and we portray to them an image which is sometimes bigger than life, an image they will look up to and respect and emulate."

(Sorry for the long quote, but it gives a flavour of the book.)

Then he offers a bunch of things you can give to kids to say to people who offer them drugs, ranging from resisting with a reason (five reasons from "I don't like the taste" to "my parents would kill me") to using humour ("I can't afford to kill any brain cells" and four more).

He urges using role playing to teach kids these skills.

(A lot of the chapter is about illegal drugs, and it's very useful on these.)

Then he gives a series of 'encounters' - possible conversations with kids on drugs, alcohol or tobacco. Encounter 1 covers a kid who is not happy and wants help, Encounter 2 a child who is apathetic or resistant.

And so on, to a review of the advice given. First, he says: "The number one best way to prevent substance abuse problems is to create an environment in the home and the family that makes being free of dependency more reinforcing than being dependent."

I'd really recommend reading the whole chapter. As I said, it's not in the libraries in Dublin at the moment (are you in Dublin, airbag15?), but I'm going to put in a request for it in my local library - usually, when I do this, the library buys a bunch of copies of the book if they like the look of it.

Aha, Cork County Library has a copy, according to http://www.borrowbooks.ie

di11on

Make him... physically him... donate his money, wherever he gets it, to a local hospital to contribute to the health care costs of people with smoking related illnesses

ntlbell

Speaking as someone who smoked at 14/15 and as a father.

The only thing you can do is educate him.

A trip to a hospice as part of it would a great idea i know if someone brought me there at 15 i'd have never lit up again.

after that it's pretty much out of your hands.

luckat

The only trouble with making a smoking teenager donate money to save people dying of diseases caused by smoking, or bringing him to a hospice, is that if you walk outside and say "Ouch, that was nasty, I need a smoke" and light up, it kind of shoots the whole thing in the foot!

ntlbell

luckat wrote: »

The only trouble with making a smoking teenager donate money to save people dying of diseases caused by smoking, or bringing him to a hospice, is that if you walk outside and say "Ouch, that was nasty, I need a smoke" and light up, it kind of shoots the whole thing in the foot!

Education, there is nothing else. At that age if after they have all the facts they decide to smoke there is nothing more you can do.

BlazingSaddler

Make him wash his own Smokey clothes.

dewsbury

airbag15 wrote: »

How shuold i punish him?

...mmm..

Is "punish" not too strong a term to use?

I would prefer the term "educate him".

Either way try not to let this become an issue that gets blown out of proportion.
Smoking may become a regular daily occurence.
There would appear to be a danger of smoking becoming a daily source of conflict for years to come. Is it worth this amount of grief?

luckat

What dewsbury said.

Either you say ok, that's it, in our family some of us smoke - or you say smoking's not on for us, and *nobody* smokes. Or at least you don't, if you're trying to stop others.

muckety

I smoked at 14 and it took me 20 years to give up. So I would be inclined to try to stop it. But a parent is usually the last person a teenager will listen to (especially one who also smokes!) so if there is someone that he looks up to (an uncle? older cousin or family friend) with whom you could have a quiet word and have them speak to him....

Plus I think it is fair that if you are providing his income that you have a say into what it is spent on!

Demonique

spurious wrote: »

Stop his source of money.
No money no fags.

Don't do this, a 15 year old IS NOT A BABY and he will resent you for treating him like a little kid.

snellers

If you smoke then you are on to a losing battle.....other than providing him details of what it is doing to him
Maybe you giving up and banning smoke from the famil home (including the garden) will help to discourage (positively discourage as you are not personally punishing him)

best of luck

Groe

I am 13 and am trying to think what would put me off smoking if I started. And I would say that if somehow you could find someone with a cancer from smoking than you new or could talk to. And get your son to talk to him and see if that makes him want to stop. Us kids are told the effects of smoking on numerous occations but it normally goes in one ear and out the other. We can even be shown pics of what will happen but IMO nothing will put anyone off more than being shown and told first hand the effects.

Hope it helps...even a bit.

the_syco

If you smoke, telling him to stop smoking will have no effect.

Toots

luckat wrote: »

Don't make a big emotional deal, just show him the damning research. Then say "I rely on your intelligence", and leave him to it. It will grate and grate on him every time he takes a fag, if he knows he's being a fool. Eventually (if not sooner), he'll stop.

This is what my parents did to me when they found out I smoked at 14. My mum just said, 'Look, we've taught you how bad smoking is for you. You know what it will do to you, so if you want to smoke it's up to you, you can smoke in the back garden, but not in the house. I just always though you were more intelligent than to start in the first place.' I'd say I stopped within about a week. It might also help if you ask him how much he smokes and then work out how much it's costing him a week, then point out other cool stuff he could be doing with the money if he wasn't 'setting light to it'.

TBH, if you 'punish' him it'll probably only make him want to smoke more. Punishing him will make him feel like a baby, so he'll resent that and be more inclined to continue doing what he knows makes you mad/worried etc. Most kids in this day and age are educated about the dangers of smoking both in school and by their parents, so chances are he knows the risks, although as a teenager probably feels invincible. Even if you stop his pocket money etc he'll still get his hands on smokes, teens are wiley! If you smoke yourself you'll probably notice you're getting through a pack faster than you normally would. Also if you smoke yourself, it's going to be extra hard to get him to quit as his view on it will probably be 'well you do it so why can't I?', also you'll find it harder to tell whether or not he's actually been smoking cos if he lives in a house with smokers, he'll have the smell of smoke on his clothes and hair anyway.

As ntlbell said, your best bet really is to educate him, and make your feelings on the matter clear. Appeal to his intelligence and hopefully he'll stop soon enough. If you make a big deal about it and have a big row, you'll end up with a teenager who is still smoking, plus a really unpleasant atmosphere in your house.